Period-ic monthly moodiness

LegacyUser

I am a guy in a wonderful and loving long term relationship, but once a month just before/start of my girlfriends period she is like a different person, dare I say it - like a demon! She's extremely moody and difficult, and jumps down my throat at the slightest thing, almost looking for something to snap at.

The personality change really is blatantly obvious and I have confronted her on it, originally I was foolish enough to bring the topic to the table during her moodiness but most other times I have brought it up her period is over and she's returned to her calm and nice personality again. She has acknowledged a change does occur but despite this I don't think its something she can just turn off, and it still continues month on month. She doesn't have particularlly painful periods so cronic period pain isn't an issue

I'm sure the women of the world are going to lambaste me on this as many get uptight when men discuss their periods, but it is a problem for "us" and believe me no fun to be on the recieveing end every four weeks!

I live with two girls in a relationship and one of them has..... unsettling times during this time too.

The trick is to learn it is not about YOU but her..... and it is not about her changing on those days but the dynamic between you..... because every relationship is about the meeting of two people and you have to realise that some days some people are not who they normally are...

... rather than get upset with her, or letting her get upset with you.... do what I did. Find out... even if you get it wrong the first 20 times.... what she needs at this time....

... whether it is playing sport, swimming in the ocean.... shopping..... playing angry computer games..... there is something she needs that is only manifesting itself as fighting with you, but only because that is the only option there that makes sense.....

... and the most important thing you can learn, the having 2 girlfriends has taught me this... is that is not about her.... it is about realising that a relationship is about what comes of people together... the sum of the parts...... and sometimes temporarily those parts can change... and so will the sum.

Kimia

You don't deserve to be treated like this, regardless of the fact that she's hormonal due to her period. It actually seems to be like she could be storing up her frustrations etc and just letting them out at this time because she knows she has an excuse, which you are apparently letting her away with.

Sit her down and tell her it's not on. You're not being unsympathetic, you're just asking to be treated with a bit of respect. It's not your fault she gets her period once a month, you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells because of this. It's not normal, I don't do it, and I don't know any of my friends who do this either. Stand up for yourself.

Cheap Thrills!

Starflower oil and Evening Primrose oil can both help with this problem.

LegacyUser

It IS normal, for some women. My girlfriend is the same. Nobody can help how the chemicals in their body makes them feel. Its just like some people get snappy when there hungry, or tired. Its the same with some women during menstruation. Thing is to be prepared for it and talk about it in a light hearted way.

SheRa

Far from being lambasted I really feel for you.

Kimia wrote: »

Sit her down and tell her it's not on. You're not being unsympathetic, you're just asking to be treated with a bit of respect. It's not your fault she gets her period once a month, you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells because of this. It's not normal, I don't do it, and I don't know any of my friends who do this either. Stand up for yourself.

You absolutely do need to talk to her about this, and the way you do it is important. Yes, its unfair to you that she acts like this, even if is down to hormones but its going to be a sensitive issue for her.

I could be your girlf in that I get (well hopefully it'll be got soon) snappy too at this time. Recently, instead of my boyf coming in all guns blazing saying that I should treat him with respect etc like is suggested above, he talked about his concern for me and how the snappiness made him feel, it really woke me up to the fact that I need to do something about this.

I know myself that a crap diet along with no evening primrose oil makes things worse for me so Im going to work on that.

Anyway good luck, its a hard thing for any bloke to talk to their girlf about.

Miss Fluff

There are various changes to her diet she can make that will help as well as religiously taking evening primrose oil and avoiding booze for a couple of days leading up to her period. Lots of herbal remedies too like wild yam and gingko biloba.

PMS is a bitch, rational thinking can go out the window, but don't let her use it as a convenient excuse to get away with bad behaviour. I guess what I'm saying is, talk to her (mid cycle!!) and discuss how this effects you and your relationship and what steps she can take to help alleviate the symptoms. It will be trial and error finding something that helps but evening primrose capsules are definitely her first port of call.

How Strange

As a woman I can say that sometimes our periods can send us a little looney just beforehand. However I don't think it's acceptable to turn into a mass of raging hormones every month and claim no responsibility for your actions.

I found that cleaning up my diet helped hugely with pms symptoms. Cutting down on junk foods, sugar and alcohol and eating more nuts, fish etc and taking a supplement like evening primrose will help a lot with the mood swings.

I still get my crazy months but it's usually only once or twice a year and the general difference in my moods since making changes to my diet has been amazing.

StarryMoon0

Ah, that wonderful time of the month where we are punished for being women

While yes, its not OK for her to act mean towards you, I can understand that it happens. I do it, but not too extreme. Some women don't get affected by it, some women turn homicidal. Yes, there a few bits with diet, excersice and supplements which can help, but bear in mind that its not really something she can control.

My OH knows I get irratable and he is quite understanding. 5 days before mine, i turn into an eating machine for 3 days. Then comes the back pain and leg cramps, then comes the irritability. Its like ants crawling under my skin and its drives me nuts. The simplest things set me off. I try very very hard not to speak wihtout thinking first and such, but sometimes its just the "aura" I give off.
I know I do this and will often be quiet so I don't say silly things, or go off on my own for hot baths, or walks ect.

Wompa1

I suggest putting on an Ice Hockey Helmet, getting a fishing net and some Hagen Dasz and slowly putting it toward her as a peace offering

bubbaloo

Fair play to you for bringing it up. Most women will admit they can act unreasonably at pms time! I know I go a bit crazy, but it's hard to see that at the time. It's only afterwards that I can look back and realise how badly I've acted!

http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/womenshealth/a/PMS.htm

This link gives a few idea on remedies that can work.

I think you probably know this but it's actually not her fault and it's not personal. It's the hormones in a woman's body that go out of control at certain times, so don't take it personally. Let her know how you feel and that you'd like to help as a way of improving your relationship.

Good luck!

dan_d

mmm...as a woman, yes it's frigging annoying.

I consider myself to be a calm rational individual - as does my OH, funnily enough! The period effect only seems to have come over me in the last couple of years, and it's usually the couple of days beforehand for me. I don't like it - it's like my body just takes over and I've no control. I'm always aware of what it is, and I try to limit what I say and do, but for a couple of days each month I feel like I'm just generally p%^£ed off with the world and everyone annoys me.

I think OP you do need to have a chat with her, and she needs to learn that the best thing to do is say nothing at all if she's got nothing nice to say....but it is unfortunately something that we've got limited control over (and I don't say that lightly)

G-Money

I've never had to attempt this myself but I agree with others in that you should talk to her about this when she's calm and thinking rationally. I wouldn't go in all gun's blazing either, but I'd just quietly explain to her how it's making you feel.

We're guys so we don't get periods, but lets just say once a month in your job, you have to do something that you hate. I don't know what it might be, but whatever it is, it drives you mad and puts you in the worst mood possible. Now if you went home to your OH and acted like she does do you, do you think she would tolerate your behaviour? I'm guess she might at the start out of shock but sooner rather than later she'd say something.

I reckon if you just sit her down and quietly explain it to her and don't make it out to be a big huge "we need to talk" type conversation. She can't really use her period as an excuse to behave whatever way she wants and justify it as "it's my hormones, I'm having my period".

As I say, as guys we don't get periods so we don't know exactly what it's like. But there are times I go through phases where I'm completely and utterly p*****d off at everyone and everything and I'm in the foulest mood possible. But I don't go taking it out on everyone else. It might be obvious to people that I'm not in great form, but I won't be biting their heads off. I'll more or less just try to be normal, but perhaps just not as chatty as I normally would be.

dudara

OP, is your girlfriend on the pill? That can make a huge difference to the moods experienced. As others have suggested - evening primrose oil and starflower oil can also help quite a lot.