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Can't get my head around my feelings

  • 17-09-2010 5:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Im a 24 year old guy, met a girl online about 16 months ago and we had always talked a lot, usually for hours at a time. It was mostly through instant messaging although we did do webcam calls from time to time. I could see we had a lot in common and really enjoyed talking to her, but the fact that she lived in south america meant that I never seriously thought about anything happening in real life. We really seemed to click.

    After about 6 months she told me all of a sudden that she didn't want to talk to me anymore. When I asked why she said because I didn't seem to care for her as much as she did for me, that i never asked her about some things she was expecting me to ask her about (???). So she cut off contact from me, I sent her an email a few days later saying if she was ever in Ireland for a visit to look me up, and left it at that.

    As the months passed I found myself thinking about her more and more, and that I missed her a bit. I didn't feel to bad about it as I thought that someday we would meet if I visited her country or she came here. So after 5 months of no talking I reckoned she was right to cut contact as we were only causing each other pain since we both fancied each other but could do nothing about it. The very day i came to the conclusion to just forget about it I got an email from her, and we started talking again. It felt great although iIreally didn't know why she all of a sudden wanted to talk to me again. We talked for another 2 months, then she started to be barely online, and when we did talk it would be for a quick 15 mins and then she excused herself. I didnt worry to much about it as she had exams so I assumed she was busy studying.


    The, she tells me one day that she had met some "gorgeous guy" (online) from the states, and that he was planning to move to her country to look for work and they would give it a go. At first it didnt bother me at all and I said I hope it all worked out. But the next night when I went online and saw she wasnt there i realised that she was off talking to the other guy, and thats why she had barely been online the last couple of months. I had thought it was because she was busy with college but now I saw the actual real reason. For some reason that really hit home with me and i didnt get any sleep that night, I felt like I was heart broken. I dont get why it had this effect on me, it just came out of nowhere! I went through feelings like I had been betrayed, to feelings like I had been dumped, to thinking that I was being so stupid to have any of these strong feelings about some girl I never even met. I feel bitter that she regained contact with me only to do this, then again I feel like I dont have the right to feel bitter about anything. There's more to it, but this post is already huge so..

    My problem is, I really feel stupid about all this. Reading back on it its as if they're the ramblings of some confused teenager. I originally started talking to people online out of boredom during the evening, you know just something to pass the time when there nothin on tv. I've never talked about this situation to anyone because I think they would probably laugh and/or not take it seriously. Basically my feelings are really confusing me, its like my brain says one thing and my heart says another. I've been carrying this around for ages and just needed to get it out, if anyone can make sense of it id love to hear what you think.


Comments

  • #2
    Zen65
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    u5ernamee__ wrote: »
    My problem is, I really feel stupid about all this.

    ..... its like my brain says one thing and my heart says another.

    Your brain is telling you this was never a relationship, but your heart tells you you've lost a loved one?

    Both are right, but it is your brain's job to find a way forward, so the heart can heal.

    Stop talking to people online. Your heart is looking for love and you're feeding it a placebo, which is all that internet chatting is ever likely to be. Let your brain direct you to get out of the house, join clubs, meet real people, make friends and make yourself available for real opportunities to strike up a meaningful relationship. The best relationships don't require a username and password.


    Be at peace,

    Z


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