I got too attached, whoops

LegacyUser

A while ago, I had no strings attached sex with a not-close friend of mine who's a massive player. I knew full well he had a different girl every weekend and I was fine with that. It was only ever supposed to be sex, but we got on fantastically well that night and started to chat more on facebook etc. I never wanted a relationship or anything from him, and we were both very clear on that, but I was enjoying getting a bit of friendly attention from him. A few weeks later, I heard he'd slept with a friend of mine. That stung a bit, though it had no reason to. Fast forward another few weeks, and we slept together again. I knew then that I was getting too attached, that I liked this guy too much to just have NSA sex with him. We haven't slept together since, but I find that I get a bit jealous when I see him flirting with other women, and especially when he's talking to my friend that he slept with. He occasionally mentions her to me in a very casual way, like "Oh I was talking to X the other day about that" and I hate it. There's a voice inside me that keeps taunting me with the idea that he clearly likes her more than he likes me, that she was better in bed, that he'd happily be in a relationship with her if she wanted to be.

We're in the same group of friends so it's not possible to cut him out of my life, so what's the best way to move past this? It's only happened because I'm very vulnerable at the moment. I know I should find someone else to fancy for a while to keep my mind occupied and away from him, but of course that's easier said than done.

LegacyUser

First of all, stop sleeping with him. You know he's not a good bet, so sleeping with him is only making you feel worse. Learn from the bad feeling you have now, keep away from players in the future. They're just not worth it.
He's not a close friend so you can still go out with your group and conceivably not talk to him. If he's wondering why you're not talking to him, tell him you're getting to attached and that you know he's not into relationships, so you think it would be better if you limited contact.

Giblet

He's a player and you're getting played..

Don't act surprised and move on.

jimmycrackcorm

attached wrote: »

I know I should find someone else to fancy for a while to keep my mind occupied and away from him, but of course that's easier said than done.

Think you've answered your own question...

thefeatheredcat

my first thought - what a creep!

he's a player and all he wants to do is sweeten you up by giving you attention for the next round in bed, before he hops off to another bed with someone else, give you a little more attention and jealousy to get you coming back for more, so that once one girl figures she played, there's always another like yourself available.

there's NEVER going to be a relationship for you to find love with this man.

don't waste your time, your energy or your love. And don't feel bad about it or beat yourself up either.

And personally, for your own protection, if he's sleeping around with different girls and more than once, you should get yourself an STI test, even if you used condoms.

AJG

You seem like you walked into this one with both eyes open. Doesn't sound like he'll be changing his ways anytime soon. Just avoid him or be prepared for the heartache.

Overheal

If youre vulnerable get un-vulnerable. And what makes you say you're vulnerable; should we talk about that?

That sting of jealousy you feel will only get worse and worse every time you get screwed by this guy. End it.

thefeatheredcat

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

And personally, for your own protection, if he's sleeping around with different girls and more than once, you should get yourself an STI test, even if you used condoms.

This was my first thought. This is very, very risky behaviour. God knows what he's picking up from all these random girls. Make sure you get your smear done on time as well.

Miss Fluff

For your own mental health and self-esteem you need to nip this in the bid immediately. This guy is a tart and it doesn't look like he's going to change his ways anytime soon. Don't waste your energy. NSA sex is fine if it's just that but you're at risk of getting in over your head here so get out while you still can. Don't engage him and don't allow yourself to be just another notch on his grubby bedpost.

quibbles

You seem to be kinda ok with the fact that he slept with your "friend" too.
You knew he had slept with your friend, and then you were with him again! ! ! !

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH ! ! ! ! !

**MINI VOM**

Get out of there, and get away from those two.
How disgusting.

Get him out of your head. Get whoever the supposed "friend" is out of your head and life. Get them both out of your head, heart and life.




MOVE ON ! ! ! ! move up! good luck. :cool:

Fahrrad

If you want a relationship, there are plenty of good young men around who would be up for that. Accept that maybe it was a mistake sleeping with this guy in the first place, and start talking to others who aren't "players".