Myself

NotYetKatie

Hey guys! Recently I've realised a good bit of myself and made an almost shocking discovery and whats weird is that I've always sort of known about it my whole life, but I've never realised it, ugh it's hard to explain. I've never been considered feminine by my fellow peers or friends, but I've always seen it it myself, I've hid in a mattress covered by a blanket of lies to be honest. I'm a girl, a teenage girl isolated by male body. It's hard to explain but I wote a poem on how I felt to help me and I think it did. So here it is It's not great, but it has helped.

A Flower in a Nettle

I am a nettle in the Grass
I like to grow in the dark
I blend in with the Mass
In the day I curl into an arch

I play my role strong hard
But the only person I’m stinging is my self
One brush, I hurt them, I hurt me
Why does this have to be?

In the distant fields
A tuft of flowers bloomed
Flamboyant, fluorescent - full of life
While I stay here, green with envy

The flowers so soft, so bright
They filled the fields with delight -
Their leaves reached out and called me
But I was rooted, tasteless and isolated -
I am a flower.


How could I be a flower?
How could I bloom
Like I want
When I’m a plant like this?
The least I can do is try

I am a Flower.
I will try look like my personality.
I will tear off my skin of green
And finally be one with who I am

I am a Flower.

I hope it helps you understand how I feel in a way.

I'd really like some help, I don't know what to do. I crave being a woman and whenever I see womens clothes in a clothes shop, I feel like I want to try them on and be myself. I want want to wear make up, have long hair and the woman of a body, but I'm just doing my leaving cert in an all boys school and I really don't know who to turn to or where to go. It's been deep inside me and It's bursting to come out and I don't know how long I can keep up with this.

Annasopra

try talking to TENI - see www.TENI.ie - also BelongTo have a group Individuality see www.BelongTo.org also a lot of the other posters around here will help you

NotYetKatie

Johnnymcg wrote: »

try talking to TENI - see www.TENI.ie - also BelongTo have a group Individuality see www.BelongTo.org also a lot of the other posters around here will help you

Thanks! Do they have an email address? I can't seem to find one.

L.Jenkins

Dont put yourself under too much pressure yet as its your lc year. The first person you could talk to about it is your gp. Does your school have a guidence counsellor you can talk to about it?

rainbow kirby

NotYetKatie wrote: »

Thanks! Do they have an email address? I can't seem to find one.

info [at] teni [dot] ie

Coeurdepirate

Great! Best of luck with your transformation (for lack of a better word), Katie!

NotYetKatie

Yeah, I really shouldn't worry about it now - but I can't help it. Do you think it would be acceptable to transition throughout college? I'm planning on going UCD to study Nursing, Computer Science or English and Drama?? I don't think I want to talk to my guidance counselor right now, but I think I might go to my GP.

Links234

Hey Katie

I think college would be one of the best times to transition, I know a lot of people online who've said that it was the best for them because colleges can be extremely liberal places.

you said that you want to have long hair and wear makeup, well, why don't you do that now? when I was a teenager I think what helped me get along in life was getting into rock music and growing my hair long, often wearing makeup and nailpolish going out and dying my hair different colours. I find that rockers really don't care or notice if someone's wearing makeup and things, so it was a good way for me to let a lot of myself out in a safe way, and I'd get to wear some very feminine accessories and nobody really said anything about it.

so that might be a good way of dealing with things until you can transition.

I hope everything goes well for you.

NotYetKatie

Thanks all! I'm really feeling ready now for some reason, I want to out myself before going to college (obviously), so I best start building up the gut now. Anyway, It's my life, not theirs. < That really makes me feel confident about outing

rainbow kirby

NotYetKatie wrote: »

Yeah, I really shouldn't worry about it now - but I can't help it. Do you think it would be acceptable to transition throughout college? I'm planning on going UCD to study Nursing, Computer Science or English and Drama?? I don't think I want to talk to my guidance counselor right now, but I think I might go to my GP.

Might not be much help right now, but I did both my undergrad and masters in CS in UCD. It's very LGBT-friendly in general.

NotYetKatie

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Might not be much help right now, but I did both my undergrad and masters in CS in UCD. It's very LGBT-friendly in general.

Thanks . Yeah it's either CS or Nursing really for me.

NotYetKatie

Can anybody give me make-up tips, it would be greatly appreciated! x

rainbow kirby

NotYetKatie wrote: »

Can anybody give me make-up tips, it would be greatly appreciated! x

Try the Fashion and Appearance forum.

NotYetKatie

Thanks, you're all so helpful . And I'd hate to bother yous again but would you recommend me going to my GP now or when I'm ready to transition? Is there any like, transgender friendly doctors around Dublin? or should I stick to my own GP. Once again, I appreciate your help xx!

L.Jenkins

I would say go when you are ready. No one one can rush you but you. Im not sure about trans friendly gps but you could speak to your own as everything is confidential and they can make referals for you.

Azure_sky

OP,

You could go to your local G.P. but I would go as far to say that the average G.P. would have a limited, at best, knowledge of gender dysphoria and would simply treat it as a mental illness-and recommend transition as a last resort. Ultimately,if you insist upon transition, they would send you to Dr. James Kelly (who you could go see without having to go to your G.P), in Dublin, who is trans friendly and a very approachable and down to earth guy. It would take at least three sessions with him to be diagnosed as T.S., referred to DR. O' Shea and be recommended for hormones. Expect a long wait!


One thing I would say to you is be conscious of the transphobic attitudes in Ireland, which is quite common. Society is far less accepting of T.S. than gays. It's considered a much greater social deviance. We're about thirty years behind gays in terms of social acceptance.( After all homosexuality was delisted as a mental illness over thirty years ago, yet gender identity disorder remains in the DSM.)

Also, finding employment in nursing and counselling may prove difficult. The Catholic church owns most hospitals and schools in this country, and they have a legal right to openly discriminate on grounds of religious sensibilities-and Ratzinger has declared transgenderism as sinful during his papacy.

Sorry if I come off as pessimistic, but I myself was unprepared for the societal transphobic attitudes, so I think it's important to know what you'll be up against. Good luck if you do decide to transition.

Eebs

Well I'll counter Azure Sky's experience with one of acceptance, tolerance and understanding. So I had, all in all, an ok time with transition.
Oh and I also got employed despite my trans status being known by my employer. And without giving away who I am, I work within the medical sector. So it can happen. Yes people do face discrimination but it's possible to make it despite this too. To be honest, I've always tried to be positive about transition and I think that's good advice. Being pessimistic can get you down very quickly and it can become overwhelming. It's not going to be easy sometimes but you can definitely get through it.


Talk to BelongTo also maybe? There are some young trans people in IndividualiTy (the trans group).

My advice is to take it slow, take it one step at a time, don't get overwhelmed. And most colleges will be supportive of your needs.

Check out the resources sticky thread at the top of the forum too.
You'll need to go to GPs, psychologists, psychiatrists before you can get the ball rolling on medical transition so maybe after your LC you could look into seeing James Kelly (the usual psychologist but not the only one) and just take it from there if that's what's right.

Are you based in Dublin?

NotYetKatie

Eebs wrote: »

Well I'll counter Azure Sky's experience with one of acceptance, tolerance and understanding. So I had, all in all, an ok time with transition.
Oh and I also got employed despite my trans status being known by my employer. And without giving away who I am, I work within the medical sector. So it can happen. Yes people do face discrimination but it's possible to make it despite this too. To be honest, I've always tried to be positive about transition and I think that's good advice. Being pessimistic can get you down very quickly and it can become overwhelming. It's not going to be easy sometimes but you can definitely get through it.


Talk to BelongTo also maybe? There are some young trans people in IndividualiTy (the trans group).

My advice is to take it slow, take it one step at a time, don't get overwhelmed. And most colleges will be supportive of your needs.

Check out the resources sticky thread at the top of the forum too.
You'll need to go to GPs, psychologists, psychiatrists before you can get the ball rolling on medical transition so maybe after your LC you could look into seeing James Kelly (the usual psychologist but not the only one) and just take it from there if that's what's right.

Are you based in Dublin?

Yes, I am based in Dublin and the last week I've been talking to a few others like me personally over the internet. It's been really helpful. I'm thinking of coming out soon to my mum by writing a letter and I think she's been noticing I've been using her make up, so I've been hinting it which is sort of making it easier for me.

As for my friends, I've a very mixed group of friends, they conflict with each other on the most part but, opposites attract I guess. I will lose some undoubtedly.

Thanks for all your help!
Yeah I'll tell my mum before anyone else, but I only suspect she will be the most understanding.

Chuchoter

NotYetKatie wrote: »

Yes, I am based in Dublin and the last week I've been talking to a few others like me personally over the internet. It's been really helpful. I'm thinking of coming out soon to my mum by writing a letter and I think she's been noticing I've been using her make up, so I've been hinting it which is sort of making it easier for me.

As for my friends, I've a very mixed group of friends, they conflict with each other on the most part but, opposites attract I guess. I will lose some undoubtedly.

Thanks for all your help!
Yeah I'll tell my mum before anyone else, but I only suspect she will be the most understanding.

:eek: You must only be in 6th year. To come out as trans in Ireland (and in a boys school no less) in 6th year is INSANE. Sorry to burst your bubble, but Ireland (especially its teenagers) isn't even that accepting of gays and lesbians, I can't even imagine coming out as trans. I know I sound horrible, but I don't want you to make the mistake I did coming out thinking Ireland is like the very gay accepting world (ie Glee) shown on the TV. Real life is not like that, and its easy to get sucked into that because you're so desperate for it to be true.

Especially considering you've only come out to yourself very recently. I came out to myself in September and came out to my parents in October/November. It was a huge mistake because I didn't understand myself enough to be direct and explain myself properly. Hell, I was so excited to finally understand myself I just couldn't wait to tell people, it drove me insane, but because I did it so fast I didn't have time to think about so many things. I found that after coming out I still incredibly ashamed, guilty and downright confused about my gender, my place in the world and my sexuality. Its taken me the guts of a year after I came out to myself to get my head sorted, and coming out to friends and family and receiving a fairly crap reaction did not help. Seriously wait 8 months to a year, get your head straight before you tackle the parents. Let it settle with you. Good luck

NotYetKatie

crayolastereo wrote: »

:eek: You must only be in 6th year. To come out as trans in Ireland (and in a boys school no less) in 6th year is INSANE. Sorry to burst your bubble, but Ireland (especially its teenagers) isn't even that accepting of gays and lesbians, I can't even imagine coming out as trans. I know I sound horrible, but I don't want you to make the mistake I did coming out thinking Ireland is like the very gay accepting world (ie Glee) shown on the TV. Real life is not like that, and its easy to get sucked into that because you're so desperate for it to be true.

Especially considering you've only come out to yourself very recently. I came out to myself in September and came out to my parents in October/November. It was a huge mistake because I didn't understand myself enough to be direct and explain myself properly. Hell, I was so excited to finally understand myself I just couldn't wait to tell people, it drove me insane, but because I did it so fast I didn't have time to think about so many things. I found that after coming out I still incredibly ashamed, guilty and downright confused about my gender, my place in the world and my sexuality. Its taken me the guts of a year after I came out to myself to get my head sorted, and coming out to friends and family and receiving a fairly crap reaction did not help. Seriously wait 8 months to a year, get your head straight before you tackle the parents. Let it settle with you. Good luck

I'm in 5th year and no I've no plans on telling everybody only my mum and I'd say she'd be accepting enough.

Yeah, I agree. I really do want to tell everyone quicker than I should. But I guess I can't help it. I wouldn't out myself to friends 'till I'm a little bit older, I've to years of school left, I don't want them to be even more hell than they are.

Chuchoter

NotYetKatie wrote: »

I'm in 5th year and no I've no plans on telling everybody only my mum and I'd say she'd be accepting enough.

Yeah, I agree. I really do want to tell everyone quicker than I should. But I guess I can't help it. I wouldn't out myself to friends 'till I'm a little bit older, I've to years of school left, I don't want them to be even more hell than they are.

I also thought this. I was wrong. You are dropping an enormous bombshell on them, you are changing everything they ever thought about you. They won't have a son anymore. You understand it as you're the same person but a bit changed, they won't see it this way. Seriously you don't need the hassle this year (I'm also in 5th year, its a hell of a lot of work), and thats all coming out is, hassle. Wait till college

Annasopra

crayolastereo wrote: »

I also thought this. I was wrong. You are dropping an enormous bombshell on them, you are changing everything they ever thought about you. They won't have a son anymore. You understand it as you're the same person but a bit changed, they won't see it this way. Seriously you don't need the hassle this year (I'm also in 5th year, its a hell of a lot of work), and thats all coming out is, hassle. Wait till college

It might be like that, it might not - I know of a guy who came out at 14 to his mother in the 1970s and she was accepting - I think Crayolo that you shouldn't assume that everyones experience will be the same as yours - some people are accepting, some people are not

Chuchoter

Johnnymcg wrote: »

It might be like that, it might not - I know of a guy who came out at 14 to his mother in the 1970s and she was accepting - I think Crayolo that you shouldn't assume that everyones experience will be the same as yours - some people are accepting, some people are not

I know that, I know loads of people who had brilliant experiences. I just feel that katy is rushing into things massively. Like she literally came out to herself like last month as far as I can tell and she's already thinking (nay, planning!) to come out to her mam. I found that when I did that I had insane ideas about the world and I didn't really contemplate that bad things could happen. I was too young to come out and all I had were people telling me we live in a utopia where there is no such thing as a bad coming out.

NotYetKatie

crayolastereo wrote: »

I know that, I know loads of people who had brilliant experiences. I just feel that katy is rushing into things massively. Like she literally came out to herself like last month as far as I can tell and she's already thinking (nay, planning!) to come out to her mam. I found that when I did that I had insane ideas about the world and I didn't really contemplate that bad things could happen. I was too young to come out and all I had were people telling me we live in a utopia where there is no such thing as a bad coming out.

I see your point, but in fairness it's really hard keeping you completely to yourself and no one else. My parents have told me both before "It's okay if you're gay, it doesn't matter to us". Yes, I know being gay and trans are two different things, but they share the rite of coming out and trying to gain acceptance. To be honest I think my parents will accept that I'm trans, but it will be a while before they come to terms with it and that's no bother to me as long as of course they eventually do.

I can understand that though, having a son who is actually their daughter would be overwhelming to most. I know my parents, they'd be shocked and surprised but annoyed and futile? I doubt it.

Annasopra

NotYetKatie wrote: »

I see your point, but in fairness it's really hard keeping you completely to yourself and no one else. My parents have told me both before "It's okay if you're gay, it doesn't matter to us". Yes, I know being gay and trans are two different things, but they share the rite of coming out and trying to gain acceptance. To be honest I think my parents will accept that I'm trans, but it will be a while before they come to terms with it and that's no bother to me as long as of course they eventually do.

I can understand that though, having a son who is actually their daughter would be overwhelming to most. I know my parents, they'd be shocked and surprised but annoyed and futile? I doubt it.

I think the point Crayolo is making is that you can't assume anything - Your parents might never accept you as trans - it could go ok, it could go really bad so just make sure that you are emotionally ready
Perhaps going to the BelongTo individuality group might help

Eebs

Katie

Crayol is actually giving you great advice for your transition. Pace.

It's all about one step at a time and taking it easy. Say you rush through this first step, well what's next and then and then and then? The system won't work as fast as you for one and I think you will just crave the next level of acceptance and the next. It's not healthy for yourself to just try speed through this whole thing. So try have patience, plan and really put yourself in your parents shoes. You're not taking away just their son but also their ideas of what you would become in the future and replacing it with fears. Of course they can get over that, create new ideas BUT it can be extremely hard. Even if they are accepting they will be thinking about all the prejudices you'll have to face and may even try convince you you're not trans. So just take a moment and really take your time with coming out to your parents.


Just definitely think about this more. If you want to talk to other people about it try going to Belongto Individuality. That might help immensely.

hare05

Eebs wrote: »

Just definitely think about this more. If you want to talk to other people about it try going to Belongto Individuality. That might help immensely.

This.

Went a few times myself, really relaxed atmosphere. It's a social group rather than a support group, but most of the attendees I've seen are pre-transition (There was one transman post name-change).
The one thing that actually surprised me was... facial hair. Never expected to see any of the girls still sporting sideburns after coming out . Guess some are more comfortable in themselves than others.

Zillah

Everything else aside, hormone replacement therapy is more effective the earlier you start it. I think Crayola is projecting his/her own experiences far too much. You need to make your own decisions and at your own pace, even if that is very quickly compared to some other people.

Links234

Zillah wrote: »

Everything else aside, hormone replacement therapy is more effective the earlier you start it.

Well, yes and no. It's true that it's better to start younger, but I think that should be read as "better to start at age 20 than at age 30", and not to think that there's some cut-off point where it won't work for you.

A lot of the girls I know online who've transitioned have done it in their 20's, and they really do make incredible transitions, and I've seen plenty of girls in their 30's who've also made amazing transitions. it would probably only be a problem if you're starting much later in life, like in your 40's, because that's when the body starts to age. But even then there's plenty of exceptions.

I've seen some girls on the odd website thinking that they need to start HRT as soon as possible or all hope lost, and that's just silly.

I think Katie would need to wait until she's 18 anyway before they'd give her hormones, so there's no reason to get her thinking she needs to start right away. It's fine, and if she needs to take her time, then that's ok.

Katherine Jane

I know how it is once you get it into your head that you want to start RIGHT NOW, and that there ISN'T A MOMENT TO LOSE... From my own experience, take a step back for a minute. No doctor is going to prescribe an HRT regimen before you are 18-without parental approval, or a court order. I know it's a bummer to have to wait when you think you know it is exactly what you want, and right now. Try meeting with a psychologist who can at least refer you to one who has experience with gender dysphoria (the cold medical name for it), and those who question their place in the spectrum. Unless Ireland is much different than the United States, that would be your first step-before even THINKING about getting hormones! Don't put the cart before the horse! Oh, and if I can offer one piece of advice (even if you don't like any of the above):

PLEASE DO NOT ORDER ANY HORMONES FROM THE INTERNET!!!!!!!! THEY CAN KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT SAY THAT STRONGLY ENOUGH!!!! PLEASE DO NOT ORDER, OR TAKE ANY HORMONES THAT WERE NOT ISSUED BY YOUR ENDOCHRINOLOGIST!!!!!!!!

If you take nothing else from me, please follow the above request!

Eebs

hare05 wrote: »

This.

Went a few times myself, really relaxed atmosphere. It's a social group rather than a support group, but most of the attendees I've seen are pre-transition (There was one transman post name-change).
The one thing that actually surprised me was... facial hair. Never expected to see any of the girls still sporting sideburns after coming out . Guess some are more comfortable in themselves than others.

You know, different stokes for different folks.

I actually was a bit of a rocker in my younger years and loved having long hair. My issue was passing and I realised I'd have to cut it to be read as a guy but part of me really really didn't want to. You don't have to hate certain aspects of yourself to be trans. I mean, you can like your body even if it's attributed as 'male' or 'female'. The thing I didn't like about my body was genuinely that it was attributed as female - but in general I was (and am) pretty happy with how I looked. Hormones, surgery etc. don't change who you are after all, they just change how you look somewhat.

Maybe it's worth talking to B2 to get some older trans folks in to chat some week? I'd be on for helping you organise that if you like? It can help sometimes to just meet someone who has been through the system. I had a lot of help from a transitioned FTM guy who did everything from show me how to do my T shot to reassure me about cutting my hair!

And Katie if you ever want to chat feel free to PM me.

Oh and KJ is totally right, don't do anything below board. Apart from the health risks you could end up shooting yourself in the foot in terms of getting help from the medical professionals later on.