Loner

Sally Su

I'm gonna start off by saying that I'm a teenager. I have a few friends but we dont hang out outside of school really and its not alot of people. The people I am friends with I dont feel I fit in with but that happens with every group I end up hanging out with. So lack of friends is an issue as well as lack of a bf, I dont even have any guy friends and I'm shy around guys I like and I'm not a stunner so they dont come up to me.My friends all have bfs or flings and they treat them like **** and I dont wanna do anything like that. Please dont do cruel jokes cus I am upset enough about this even if deep down I know its stupid but the feeling wont leave.:(

So I need the folks at boards.ie to give me some advice, I need to make more friends (guy friends would be a nice change:)) and getting myself noticed.

Sorry for rambling for so long:(

thefeatheredcat

Hey OP,

best thing to do is invest your spare time in hobbies... they're the best for meeting people really.

Are you into sports? Doesn't have to be soccer/gaa or anything, but you could try other things like tag rugby, tennis, badminton, hiking, orienteering, swimming, stuff like that. If you're near the sea you could try rock climbing, sailing, absailing, canoeing, kayaking, wind surfing, surfing things like that.

If you're not into sport, look at other hobbies - are you a dab hand at artistic things? Arts and crafts, origami, knitting, crochet, patchwork?

Writing maybe? There could be a chess club - try have a look in your local/city library what's happening. If you have an interest in the arts, like theatre, acting, and performing arts they are a good confidence booster and you'll meet interesting people there too. Go to arts centres and see what's happening, or if you have a film centre that might be a lead.

Failing that, if you like animals, you could perhaps do a few hours volunteer work at an animals home or get involved with charity/volunteer groups or help out in the community.

I never fitted in in school and college (I was more mature in attitude and life experience than school people) and I got over it and just pursued my own interests and hobbies and had great fortune to meet lots of interesting and different people of varying ages who 'got' me if you know what I mean?

Kinda felt like I fitted in with people in the stuff I did outside of school rather than the people that were my own birth age and school level - they completely under estimated me in many ways.

Sally Su

Thanks so much Feathered Cat for replying. I wasnt sure anyone would and you gave me some ideas and its nice to know someone feels the same. Thankyou:)

boredatwork82

I hope I am not too harsh here. Joining clubs and taking up hobbies and all that stuff is over rated in my opinion. I have tried it in new towns and it was rubbish. Although a lot of my good friends I met through my rugby club.

I was the same in school, Got along with everyone without having any major friends, Summers, weekends and evenings were very uneventful. Thank god for computer games!
Then for some reason I came to the conclusion, I am sitting here waiting for someone to ring me.
The other people you know, may feel that you don't want to hang out with them after school as you may not ring them, or that they do not see you hanging out with them.

From my experience, People are very short sighted. If I ring someone for pints a few weeks in a row and they always say no, i don't bother ringing them again. I assume they don't want to go out.

What you need to do is say to a few friends on a friday in school, does anyone want to go to the cinema/youth disco/pub (your meant to be 18 but you know yourself!) etc tonight or tomorrow night. If anyone says yes. You say give me your number if you don't have it. and tell them you will ring them to organise a time. to meet up, get a supermcas or something before hand.
If everyone says no, come back here then.

Once these people realise you want to hang around with them the situation MAY change. But don't be afraid to ring people and ask them do they want to do something. they may be sitting at home bored too.

And if you do have some success with this. Friends don't become good friends instantly, in most cases its an assortment of experiences and interactions that will build a bond. So every weekend, take the bull by the horns, and organise something. If people say they are going to a cinema disco etc, just pipe up.."Can I come?" Who ever says yeah, get their number and organise to meet up for it then.

d10carter

exacty btw you need to have a change of mentality. your still in school so time to chance, you need become cool, fit in with the crowd don't be some absolute geeber loser with pink hair. this makes you different and people don't like people like this. wear abercrombie and clothes like this and play sports such as hockey. it doesn't matter if your face isn't unbelievable if you have a cracking body you can choose to be picky.

CiaranMT

d10carter wrote: »

exacty btw you need to have a change of mentality. your still in school so time to chance, you need become cool, fit in with the crowd don't be some absolute geeber loser with pink hair. this makes you different and people don't like people like this. wear abercrombie and clothes like this and play sports such as hockey. it doesn't matter if your face isn't unbelievable if you have a cracking body you can choose to be picky.

It's not exactly an abusive post but it sure as sh1t ain't helpful either.

Ignore this one OP.

LegacyUser

Sally Su wrote: »

I'm gonna start off by saying that I'm a teenager. I have a few friends but we dont hang out outside of school really and its not alot of people. The people I am friends with I dont feel I fit in with but that happens with every group I end up hanging out with. So lack of friends is an issue as well as lack of a bf, I dont even have any guy friends and I'm shy around guys I like and I'm not a stunner so they dont come up to me.My friends all have bfs or flings and they treat them like **** and I dont wanna do anything like that. Please dont do cruel jokes cus I am upset enough about this even if deep down I know its stupid but the feeling wont leave.:(

So I need the folks at boards.ie to give me some advice, I need to make more friends (guy friends would be a nice change:)) and getting myself noticed.

Sorry for rambling for so long:(

Hi Sally Su, well done for posting and reaching out, it is good to express how you feel and dont be embarrassed at all everyone would have felt like you do at some point growing up, i remember feeling so upset at trying to fit in, where i grew up i was different and where i went to school i was different, i just used to wish that i had a best friend i could trust and have fun times with, i used to feel lonely and upset and i got sick of my own company. All i can say is that it does get better, especially when you leave school, also in the final year of school you experience more, you dont say how old you are but as soon as school is over lots will change, especially if your starting a course or college everyone is starting new.

How old are you OP just to see what advice i can give on boys!!

Gi joe!

boredatwork82 wrote: »

I hope I am not too harsh here. Joining clubs and taking up hobbies and all that stuff is over rated in my opinion. I have tried it in new towns and it was rubbish. Although a lot of my good friends I met through my rugby club.

I was the same in school, Got along with everyone without having any major friends, Summers, weekends and evenings were very uneventful. Thank god for computer games!
Then for some reason I came to the conclusion, I am sitting here waiting for someone to ring me.
The other people you know, may feel that you don't want to hang out with them after school as you may not ring them, or that they do not see you hanging out with them.

From my experience, People are very short sighted. If I ring someone for pints a few weeks in a row and they always say no, i don't bother ringing them again. I assume they don't want to go out.

What you need to do is say to a few friends on a friday in school, does anyone want to go to the cinema/youth disco/pub (your meant to be 18 but you know yourself!) etc tonight or tomorrow night. If anyone says yes. You say give me your number if you don't have it. and tell them you will ring them to organise a time. to meet up, get a supermcas or something before hand.
If everyone says no, come back here then.

Once these people realise you want to hang around with them the situation MAY change. But don't be afraid to ring people and ask them do they want to do something. they may be sitting at home bored too.

And if you do have some success with this. Friends don't become good friends instantly, in most cases its an assortment of experiences and interactions that will build a bond. So every weekend, take the bull by the horns, and organise something. If people say they are going to a cinema disco etc, just pipe up.."Can I come?" Who ever says yeah, get their number and organise to meet up for it then.

x2

Just ask a few people what their plans are for the weekend, and if they're heading out or whatever ask can you tag along.

Good luck!

d10carter

why? im giving advice that will totally help the op

Oryx

d10carter wrote: »

why? im giving advice that will totally help the op

I realise you feel you are being helpful, but posts are more heavily monitored and moderated here than in other areas of boards, your help could be construed as quite unhelpful to the op. Please read the charter so you understand the rules of the forum before posting again.

Gannicus

d10carter wrote: »

exacty btw you need to have a change of mentality. your still in school so time to chance, you need become cool, fit in with the crowd don't be some absolute geeber loser with pink hair. this makes you different and people don't like people like this. wear abercrombie and clothes like this and play sports such as hockey. it doesn't matter if your face isn't unbelievable if you have a cracking body you can choose to be picky.

People like you saying crap like this make the OP and others feel the way they do. cop on.

As featheredcat says use you hobbies to meet people with similar interests. you're still young and time is on your side. do whatever makes you happy and talk to people with similar interests. you'll make friends in no time..

thefeatheredcat

you're welcome OP.

This might sound an odd suggestion but have you access to the Scouts or Girl Guides? I understand it's a bit more 'modern' so to speak nowadays (girls can be in Scouts I think) and it would be a good outlet for getting to know people, doing things you wouldn't normally do like the activities mentioned and learning some interesting life skills.

There's one other sporty type thing - rowing. It's competitive on a personal and team level and I know for sure they have under 18 teams for women and men. It's challenging from different aspects and might require training in evenings or weekends.

Don't feel like you have to 'fit in' either. Be true to your own self and who you are.

d10carter

what? im giving the op encouragement. let's see whose advice she takes will we? mine may not be pc but its correct.

LegacyUser

d10carter wrote: »

what? im giving the op encouragement. let's see whose advice she takes will we? mine may not be pc but its correct.

Jeeze you have a very high opinion of yourself, who ever told you you were good at giving advice? was it you? because that is not good advice and there is no way she is going to run out and buy an abercrombie top, LOL, the type of person you suggested her to be is shallow, materialistic, and self-centered, surely being cool these days is about being confident in yourself and being you, the OP should be proud of who she is, that is the quickest way to attracting people to you, the only people she will attract your way is more shallow people which then encourages more insecurities, OP there is the perfect situation waiting out there for you, the scouts thing may not be a bad idea, i was in the venture scouts the older one and i met loads of people the trips were deadly and the people were nice, im not a geek BTW i grew up in a very streetwise situation but what i got out of going there was fun, trips and meeting people and boyfriends....

That may not be a viable option for you but you could join something else that has that social aspect to it we just need to know what you like and what options you have around you?

kjl

d10carter wrote: »

exacty btw you need to have a change of mentality. your still in school so time to chance, you need become cool, fit in with the crowd don't be some absolute geeber loser with pink hair. this makes you different and people don't like people like this. wear abercrombie and clothes like this and play sports such as hockey. it doesn't matter if your face isn't unbelievable if you have a cracking body you can choose to be picky.

Clearly this poster has learned his lesson from the university of life :rolleyes: too bad they don't teach grammar there. As another poster said about, I would completely ignore this unhelpful post.

Be who you are OP, when you are happy with yourself, others will see this in you and be drawn to it.

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.
Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.

Many thanks.
Ickle

Sally Su

Hey thanks for the advice, I hate asking to tag along to things cus I'm shy but I'll give the hobbies thing a go.

Btw d10 carter I dont have pink hair, I wear abercrombie etc. already, I used to play hockey and I've gone to wezz a few times so ur advice isnt helpful and neither is the person who is claiming I'm a materialistic moron cus I wear these clothes!!!

Its just I'm shy and noone seems to really like me that much cus I dont really make friends with people in an instant but my main school friends do because they act fake. I dont want to be fake I want people to like me for who I am.

Sally Su

Sally Su wrote: »

Hey thanks for the advice, I hate asking to tag along to things cus I'm shy but I'll give the hobbies thing a go.

Btw d10 carter I dont have pink hair, I wear abercrombie etc. already, I used to play hockey and I've gone to wezz a few times so ur advice isnt helpful and neither is the person who is claiming I'm a materialistic moron cus I wear these clothes!!!

Its just I'm shy and noone seems to really like me that much cus I dont really make friends with people in an instant but my main school friends do because they act fake. I dont want to be fake I want people to like me for who I am.

Oh and also I'm in TY and I would join scouts but I dont live near one