Could this work out?

LegacyUser

So before I start, I just want to say that I've tried internet dating and am very well able to weed out the bad'uns at this stage.

So by pure fluke, I have 'met' this guy online (not a dating site). We have moved to msn and have been mailing and live chatting for months now. He is definitely not married, nor is he a player. We have spoken on the phone a few times etc - I was a long time online with him, and 'tested' him here and there to make sure he wasn't married etc. He always came up trumps - I've since spoken to his sister and a pal of his (on the phone). So all in all, we're getting on welll.
Thing is, he is in the UK and I am in Irl. He has talked about coming over etc, but has yet to book a flight. He knows he's welcome anytime (would stay at a hotel near me etc).
Some days, I go completely off the idea and decide I'm not going to talk to him again because it's going nowhere - other times I think 'hey, this might work in real life'.
We have spoken about one or other of re-locating and as he has one grown up child (17) and I have a younger child, we agreed he should be the one to relocate here, SHOULD things work out between us (his job has an office in dublin).

Am I deluded to think that this is possible? We're both in our late 30s and like I said, I'm not living in the clouds and thinking he's my knight in shining armour or that he's going to come to Irl and we'll live happily ever after, but I do like him...
Should I continue this for another while, invite him over on a certain date (I've a wedding coming up for example) and take it from there???
Any ideas? Anyone done this and has it worked out???
Thanks
PS - i know it's a long way for him to come for it NOT to work out and that's why I'm reluctant to invite him on a specific date....and what if we don't get on in real life and we're stuck at the wedding with each other....??

CDfm

If you haven't met the guy you are moving too soon with talking relocating etc

Take it slowly and see what happens

If you are reluctant to meet up then nothing will happen ever.First things first.

LegacyUser

I haven't met him, you're right. But we've been either talking or online practically every day for about 9 months now. The relocating conversation only happened once, and is not something either of us is thinking of doing until way after we meet and ONLY if it works out between us.

CDfm

unregistered wrote: »

I haven't met him, you're right. But we've been either talking or online practically every day for about 9 months now. The relocating conversation only happened once, and is not something either of us is thinking of doing until way after we meet and ONLY if it works out between us.

So the first thing is a date.

You dont even know if he picks his nose on the sly yet.

LegacyUser

That's true hahaha!

Which is why I'm here wondering if anyone has been through similar - am I wasting my time?

I'm under no illusion that he's my knight in shining armour like I said....I've done the whole internet dating stuff and am aware that alot of the time, the person at the end of the phone is not necessarily the person you hoped to meet.

CDfm

I am divorced with kids - grown up ish- and first met my girlfriend on line and not on a dating site and she asked me out.

Yes -it is not the same as you know a lot about each other in one way.

Still, if you dont meet up you are just pen pals. Its like buying a ticket but not getting on the train.

MRBEAVER

You're doing this all wrong. You don't know whether there will be chemistry until you actually meet. You haven't even reached Step 1 which is going on a date. Thinking about relocating and long term until you do is pointless. And I think it is going nowhere if neither of you can be bothered taking a short flight and meeting in person. Talking on phone and online indefinitely is ultimately unrewarding and unfufilling.

LegacyUser

Whoaaaaa Nelly. Talking about relocating (even if it was only once), and you haven't even spent time in each others' company, touched, or even kissed? I know you say you're keeping a sensible head about this, but it's very easy to get caught up in feelings for someone and start thinking about the future and what might happen, etc...

To be fair, 9 months is a long time to be chatting and still not having met, even if you are in different countries. Maybe the two of you are (subconsciously) apprehensive about it because you're both worried about there not being any chemistry if you do meet? Either way, you'll have to decide sooner or later - do you want a relationship, or even the chance of a relationship, with a computer screen, or a physical person for the rest of your life?

Bite the bullet and arrange a meeting! I would advise against wedding, though - there's way too much pressure on him (and you) being surrounded by a) you and b) people who you know, but he doesn't. Just invite him over for a quiet weekend to see how things go.

LegacyUser

See my gut feeling is you're right - about doing this all wrong.

I think I've let my real life slip for the sake of this contact with him - like I have turned down nights out so that we could chat online, or on the phone.

It's ridiculous, but easy to get caught up in and easy to hide behind I suppose.

Thanks for the input - I'll take ur advice and forget about him....

darad

OP can I give you one valuable piece of advice that has gotten me through a five year long distance relationship (my OH lives in UK)??? Heres the advice, "let the future take care of itself"

What are you thinking of trying to come up with an outcome before youve even met the guy and given things a chance? We both get the comments from everyone Oh when are you moving over here oh when is he coming over there, listen, forget it, do what makes you happy and go with the flow. The future will most definately take care of itself and plans have a habit of going their own way.

Stop worrying and enjoy getting to know him for a little while.