Work Dating

LegacyUser

Right, need some opinions on " Work Dating" .

You hear all the time these stories of how people who work in the place get together etc, and im wondering, how does that even happen?

For example I'm tormented by an attraction to someone who works in the same place as me . We dont get too many chances to talk, ( Not at all actually ) and my work place doesnt organise nights out. People also tend to keep to their groups. So apart from going up to this guy , and saying , would you like to get coffee sometime ( which doesnt sound like a good idea ) , then what else is there?

Does this mean that , thats it? Nothing i can do and I should find someone else to like?

Im looking for any advice , or anybody who has been in the same situation that can help?

Thanks !

ManOfMystery

Simple email to suggest going out for lunch somewhere? That way you'll be away from the masses and able to talk casually. It only has to be lunch (to begin with), it's not an official date or anything - see how you get on.

fungun

Take the lead and organise a work night out?

Or start a work charity, a work competition like 'last man standing' or fantasy football if you like football. Find out his interests and if you have a common one then see if you can get any work organisation going, like yoga, pilates, writing or the like and try to get people along.....would give you a chance to chat in an easy way

Uriel.

As Man of Mystery says just be casual and arrange a coffee, lunch etc..

I do this in work all the time, ask people if they;'d like to go out and grab a coffee, breakie, lunch etc... and I get asked all the time. It's not for dating purposes just social reasons to get out and have a chat or whatever with colleagues.

You could easily do the same with this guy and just let things develop naturally. All going well over he course of a few weeks and few breakfast/coffee/lunch "dates" and maybe he or you could ask to do drinks after work or somethinh. Just build on it slowly and take it as it comes.

Went out with someone from work before, I wouldn't do it again unless it was somone particularly special but that's for specific reasons.

Chicago Chick

fungun wrote: »

Take the lead and organise a work night out?

If possible I would try this approach. That way you get to talk in a more relaxed environment to see how you get on.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies! Those are great ideas , but as I havnt spoken to him much , wouldnt it seem weird to ask for lunch etc out of the blue?

Thats where I'm stuck really- if i spoke to him more or on a regular basis , it would be easier for sure to suggest something.

A night out is a good idea too , although as people keep to their own groups here , it would be very unlikely that he would show up ....

aaaaaagggghhhh!

Uriel.

helpmeeee wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies! Those are great ideas , but as I havnt spoken to him much , wouldnt it seem weird to ask for lunch etc out of the blue?

Thats where I'm stuck really- if i spoke to him more or on a regular basis , it would be easier for sure to suggest something.

A night out is a good idea too , although as people keep to their own groups here , it would be very unlikely that he would show up ....

aaaaaagggghhhh!

maybe get a bit of a banter connection going by sending some funny/joke emails around? not just to him but a small number of people including him and see if you can get him to engage some chat with you.

Anything workwise that you could use as an excuse to start a conversation with him?

LegacyUser

Workwise I have on numerous occasions asked him for help etc but im running out of excuses ! :-)

It seems im stuck between a rock and a hard place at this stage - sometimes I figure, the hell with it i can just ask him to go for a coffee with me , but then i chicken out. If he said no i would be mortified !

But then again, if he liked me, surely he would have done something by now? From experience I've learned, if a guy really wants to do something, he will find a way to do it.

Should I take this guys silence as a sign hes just not interested?

MRBEAVER

Big problem with dating someone you work with is that if it doesn't work out you still see them every day afterwards which can make it difficult to move on. Same with asking someone from work out. If the answer is No, it will make it uncomfortable for both parties so you would need to be fairly sure he is available and interested before proceeding.

SerialComplaint

Uriel. wrote: »

maybe get a bit of a banter connection going by sending some funny/joke emails around? not just to him but a small number of people including him and see if you can get him to engage some chat with you.

Not a great idea - these 'funny' emails can get you fired.

Uriel.

SerialComplaint wrote: »

Not a great idea - these 'funny' emails can get you fired.

ah. depends on the place, the people and the type of email. I am sure the OP is in the best position to judge if this option is a runner for her or not.

My work environment is grand with it and my Director gets included in some of the mails too.

thefeatheredcat

I was once in the same position with a guy I liked that I worked with but had limited interaction with him within the job but as I was doing more I had a bit more time with him in tasks.

One work night out I just bit the bullet and asked him out. I got turned down, but very nicely. He was so good about it actually but I think a bit surprised!

After that I was glad I asked him out because otherwise I would never have exerted my own confidence and could have missed out on something interesting and would never have known. Working around him wasn't really a problem afterwards (i was embarrassed tbh with being turned down cos I thought he was interested but obv not and I misread the situation!), it was never mentioned or brought up again, got on with our jobs and didn't treat me any different and I think really it's cos he was just a decent nice guy but his interests lay elsewhere.

so you can either sit and wonder about him and create fantasies in your head or build up illusions or just go and ask him out and see what happens. If ye haven't chatted or talked much before yeah it'll come as a surprise, but you could always use the ice breaker of 'yknow ive been asking you for help with stuff......'

HavingCrack

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Simple email to suggest going out for lunch somewhere? That way you'll be away from the masses and able to talk casually. It only has to be lunch (to begin with), it's not an official date or anything - see how you get on.

DO NOT send him an e-mail, its childish and immature and he may not know are you just making fun of him or being serious. Seriously ask someone out in person or not at all.

LegacyUser

I'm going out with my co-worker/boyfriend for two years now, but the way we got talking after knowing each other at work though rarely talking for 5 years was someone arranging that 30 of us do a charity football match. We played a couple of matches, went for drinks afterwards, and got to know each other through this.

Two years on, we're still working at the same company and very happily in love.

Definitely don't go emailing him directly, I would find that weird, creepy..

Just arrange a work night out/a charity event, something like that.

ManOfMystery

HavingCrack wrote: »

DO NOT send him an e-mail, its childish and immature and he may not know are you just making fun of him or being serious. Seriously ask someone out in person or not at all.

An email asking someone out for lunch is childish and immature? Wow. What's it like over there on Planet Serious? I made a point of stating she shouldn't ask him on a date, it's only a lunch suggestion so they can get to know each other.

HavingCrack

ManOfMystery wrote: »

An email asking someone out for lunch is childish and immature? Wow. What's it like over there on Planet Serious? I made a point of stating she shouldn't ask him on a date, it's only a lunch suggestion so they can get to know each other.

Sorry I misread your 1st post . Thought you meant to ask him out a date by e-mail rather than in person. I just didn't pick up on the lunch as just getting to knwo each other at all.

Wow now I look stupid and serious :rolleyes:

katie99

I would bite the bullet! No point in playing games.
Just ask him if he is free for lunch or coffee take it from there.
You are not asking him out on a date, merely inviting him for a coffee or lunch and a friendly chat. Nothing wrong with that.
If he isn't interested in you or is already in a relationship you haven't lost face.
Us women need to do more of the asking when we see a guy who could be boyfriend material.