Help Please :)

LegacyUser

Hey there,

I've known for a few years that I'm gay, currently in school tho so the possibility of coming out really isn't there.

Anyways, I'm kinda having the problem of falling for my male friends, which obviously I'd really really rather not happen. While I'm out to some of them, I don't think they'd take it well like and I'd certainly never consider acting on the feelings since that'd be pretty disrespectful. Anyways, I don't suppose anybody here has experienced this and know ways of.....stopping it from happening? Or making it easier to deal with?

Cheers!

Sir Ophiuchus

Start saying "I just don't think that way about my friends."

This is usually a lie.

Convince yourself that it's true.

Create a class of "people I'm attracted to", and "people I'm friends with". Never mentally put someone in both groups.

When you find yourself being attracted to a friend, think "No, that's ridiculous - I can't be attracted to him, he's my friend. One category or the other."

Stop feeling guilty when you do find them attractive.

Realise that telling them would be for your benefit, not theirs.

cgcsb

hmm, are you attracted to them? I remember that I had crushes in school. Obviously it's alot harder for gay teens because it's next to impossible to know if the other is gay and if he likes you back. If you're in a small school as I was, well then frankly you're up a creek without a paddle, the only realistic way you're going to meet other gay boys your own age is through belong2 and queerid.com

How old are you? I was out in school at 14 but it was a very tightly knit group, we'd all known eachother since we were 4 years old so they got over it quickly enough.

LegacyUser

cgcsb wrote: »

hmm, are you attracted to them? I remember that I had crushes in school. Obviously it's alot harder for gay teens because it's next to impossible to know if the other is gay and if he likes you back. If you're in a small school as I was, well then frankly you're up a creek without a paddle, the only realistic way you're going to meet other gay boys your own age is through belong2 and queerid.com.

Yeah, kinda, although I'd rather not be. It's not really meeting gay people I'm worried about, it's more stopping myself from getting attracted to lads I know that are straight and are my friends.....

cgcsb wrote: »

How old are you? I was out in school at 14 but it was a very tightly knit group, we'd all known eachother since we were 4 years old so they got over it quickly enough.

17.

Dwn Wth Vwls

When you're attracted to someone, it's because of various attractive qualities that they have. If you can see "not being attracted to me" as an extremely unattractive quality in someone, then it's easier to not like them. As in, they're obviously deeply flawed if they don't find you attractive, and that should be a turn off. The best every day example of it is people who don't like smokers.

Barna77

I was in love with my best mate for years and years. I told him, he said he was kind of shocked, but it wasn't a big issue.

You can't just decide not to like someone. I managed to get over him, but there were many many tears.

LGiamani

Barna77 wrote: »

I was in love with my best mate for years and years. I told him, he said he was kind of shocked, but it wasn't a big issue.

You can't just decide not to like someone. I managed to get over him, but there were many many tears.

He was cool about it. I fancied one of my friends and he hit me a box and avoided me forever

stephen_n

A lot of the traits that attract us to friends are similar to those that we look for in partners so it is not unusual that you would feel this way. The fact that you are not coming into contact with people that you can be attracted to is probably making this feel worse. You really need to be interacting with other gay guys as this is probably the only thing that will ease these feelings towards your friends.

Kanoe

Anonymous12 wrote: »

Hey there,

I've known for a few years that I'm gay, currently in school tho so the possibility of coming out really isn't there.

Anyways, I'm kinda having the problem of falling for my male friends, which obviously I'd really really rather not happen. While I'm out to some of them, I don't think they'd take it well like and I'd certainly never consider acting on the feelings since that'd be pretty disrespectful. Anyways, I don't suppose anybody here has experienced this and know ways of.....stopping it from happening? Or making it easier to deal with?

Cheers!

The people (women) I knew before I came out are no longer my friends. (the guys are indifferent) The people I've met since then are much easier to be around as there are no "hidden agendas" and of the women I do know two are bi, although in relationships with guys so things do get discussed, alot. Relationships change, go with it.

cgcsb

Anonymous12 wrote: »

it's more stopping myself from getting attracted to lads I know that are straight and are my friends.....

Alas my young friend, as gay people, this is our burden. we have less than 10% of the population to work with, where as straight men have over 90% it's not fair, it hurts and sometimes you'll have feelings so strong that it'll be nearly impossible to stop yourself from throwing stones at his bedroom window and leaving notes in his locker. But it's important to restrain yourself. 9 times out of 10 he will reject you, it just the way it is.

I can pretty much assure you though that once you hit your 20s your hormones will settle down and you'll take a more relaxed approach to men you like.

cgcsb

LGiamani wrote: »

He was cool about it. I fancied one of my friends and he hit me a box and avoided me forever

:eek: well that's just not on, but really, why did you tell him? did you tell him onfront of other people?