Think I'm Gay

LegacyUser

Hi all

I'm sure post like this are very common in here but I'd like to hear from anyone going through what I am going through.

Basically, I am 28 year old 'straight' male who is starting to fancy men. I started having these feelings over a year ago. I've been in many heterosexual relationships and the sex has been great. I have been having sexual encounters with girls as soon as 3 months ago. Some of them have turned me on and the sex has been class and the others I've had erection issues. I have recently started to masturbate over gay porn. I am still using straight porn but it doesn't turn me on as much as the thrill of looking at gay porn. I get physically aroused instantly with gay porn and it takes some work with straight porn.

From the ages of a young boy until age 26/27, I have been obsessed with girls. Just looking at a gorgeous girl would arouse me and I'd feel so frustrated that I couldn't be with the girls (just a regular horn dog I suppose). I never ever got turned on my boys. The only clue I would have is I was always interested in anal sex with girls. Regualr sex was a big turn on too though.

What I am confused about is how can my sexuality change so quickly (space of 2 years)? I have started to notice good looking boys walking down the street. I have never imagined getting close to a boy, just having sex with them.

I guess I should start facing up to reality that I'm gay. Just makes me wonder is any 'straight' guy susceptible to being gay at any stage of their life. I go from being obsessed with sex with girls to being gay. Funny old world.

Just thought I'd get this off my chest.

Thanks

Dwn Wth Vwls

Well, people are always saying that sexuality is fluid and here you are. Things do change. You seem to be under the impression that things are very black and white though. Life is rarely that simple.

Just because you're having strong feelings for men doesn't necessarily mean you're suddenly 100% gay. There's a whole range of sexuality, and you're more likely somewhere in the middle considering your past enthusiasm. Your feelings might also change back and forth.

Basically, don't be so quick to jump head first into the labels game. Just go with what your mind and body are telling you, and not what a label says you should be. If you can accept all that then you're good to go!

lionchild

The exact same thing happened to me. I was about 22/23 when I suddenly started noticing men. Started using gay porn more and more, just like you were talking about in your post. In my experience, once I was able to accept it myself, and it's more a case of being sure, I knew it was time to move on with my life. I recommend taking some time to answer this question yourself 'do you think you're gay or do you know you're gay?'. Once that's figured out, you can go about taking the next steps. Don't worry, it's not that dramatic at all! Hope that helped. Don't worry, you're not the only one this has ever happened to!

LegacyUser

lionchild wrote: »

'do you think you're gay or do you know you're gay?'

I'm still trying to figure this out. I certainly don't know I'm gay but as time goes by it seems the most likely I suppose. I don't feel gay (if that's possible) and don't act camp in anyway but that probably doesn't mean a thing.

rainbow kirby

ConfusedOP wrote: »

I'm still trying to figure this out. I certainly don't know I'm gay but as time goes by it seems the most likely I suppose. I don't feel gay (if that's possible) and don't act camp in anyway but that probably doesn't mean a thing.

There are plenty of gay men out there who don't act camp in any way, it's just that the more camp type of gay man tends to be more visible in general and forms most people's stereotypes.

Don't rush to label yourself - and don't feel you have to identify purely as either straight or gay. Embrace the shades of grey.

lionchild

ConfusedOP wrote: »

I'm still trying to figure this out. I certainly don't know I'm gay but as time goes by it seems the most likely I suppose. I don't feel gay (if that's possible) and don't act camp in anyway but that probably doesn't mean a thing.

trust me, i went through the exact same thing, i never 'feel' gay. im in no way campy, most arent. i just am. anyone i tell always say they'd never have thought. which can lead to awkward moments with girls coming onto you!!! to be sure, i recommend that you should try and meet a guy, do whatever you want together and get it out of your system. if you have the time of your life...well then you're gay!

A lemon

lionchild wrote: »

trust me, i went through the exact same thing, i never 'feel' gay. im in no way campy, most arent. i just am. anyone i tell always say they'd never have thought. which can lead to awkward moments with girls coming onto you!!! to be sure, i recommend that you should try and meet a guy, do whatever you want together and get it out of your system. if you have the time of your life...well then you're gay!

Yeah it really doesn't mean anything. How exactly does one "feel gay"? Liking people of the same sex just sort of feels...natural. You say you can never imagine yourself "getting close" to a man, but this does really remind me of myself - except I was much younger. Gradually, the desire for intimacy did emerge though. It's really quite a bizarre situation you've found yourself in but you seem to have a fairly healthy attitude towards it so fair play. Nobody can really tell you if you're gay or not, so forget about the label and just follow your instincts. I definitely think you should test the waters but is that something you're ready to do? If so, how would you like to go about meeting someone? Either way, posting on message boards can be a great way to sort out thoughts and it's helped me immensely. I guess just talking with others helps clear the fog.

hotmail.com

Perhaps you aren't comfortable with the term and label 'gay' because it conjures up all kinds of images and stereotypes etc etc.

Instead you might prefer saying that you fancy men.

CdeC

hey OP,
Yeah that is late but hey sure it's different for everyone. I was suprised at a friend of mine that started having gay thoughts at 24-25. But sure thats just the way it is.
I reckon when you get out there you will realise that camp does not equal gay. I'm a sporty masculine guy who just happens to be gay. some people are suprised but more and more are realising that the old stereotypes are gone.
Good luck with your new discovery.
C

LegacyUser

I suppose I'll just have to accept it. I'm still occasionally noticing attractive girls in the street (only the very attractive ones though) and only today I masturbated over girls but I could have used gay porn.

Locker10a

ConfusedOP wrote: »

I suppose I'll just have to accept it. I'm still occasionally noticing attractive girls in the street (only the very attractive ones though) and only today I masturbated over girls but I could have used gay porn.

You are prob Bi but just didnt realise untill now!!!:)
Maby you should try going with a guy , just to see how you feel about it! You dont have to live in a city and go 2 a gay bar there are hundreds of guys like you the meet up in private all over the country ! (belive me i know) Private msg me nil give u a few good websites if you like.:D

lionchild

Locker10a wrote: »

You are prob Bi but just didnt realise untill now!!!:)
Maby you should try going with a guy , just to see how you feel about it! You dont have to live in a city and go 2 a gay bar there are hundreds of guys like you the meet up in private all over the country ! (belive me i know) Private msg me nil give u a few good websites if you like.:D

now we're gettin' somewhere! get your ass out there and LIVE! liberate yourself! it's time to dive in! :cool: ... but play safe!

xbbjllq

hey ConfusedOP

I'm 27 now and it has hit me like a 'bitch slap' in the face. I'm not the most manly of men and I been told that many people thought I was gay just how I act. Which I didn't mind anyway. I'm comfortable with myself, and having great friends makes all the difference when you need support.

I always brushed aside any gay thoughts as being nothing and continued on dating girls, and had very long serious relationships where I really loved the person and sex was great. ( and missed now ! ).

When someone I knew passed on sometime ago. He was only 28 way too young. That was a wake up call for me. That was the day I decided to live with no regrets.

I didn't have a problem telling people that I fancy fellas. The biggest reaction I got was " Fair enough ". What the hell was I worrying about. Friends will love you all the same.

I now consider myself 'Bi' and will continue to date both sex's until I meet the right person to have a relationship with.

The best advice I will give you is, be comfortable with yourself and except the change. Be glad that this change has happened. Your maturing into the person you are ment to be. Welcome it and have fun. Like what everyone else has said, don't think you need to label yourself. You are who you are.

Hope this helps.

stephen_n

I was 32 before I came to fully realise I was attracted to men as well as women, bit of a late starter but then again I had a lot of things in my head that distracted me from paying any sort of real attention to who I was and what I wanted. The fact that your attracted to men doesn't make you gay, it's not that absolute. I get days when I don't notice women at all and it's all about men then some days it's all about women, that's just who I'm attracted too it doesn't define who I am! Just take your time and explore a little, try to accept that the person you are hasn't changed that this is just an addition to be explored and assimilated into you!

oppenheimer1

ConfusedOP wrote: »

Basically, I am 28 year old 'straight' male who is starting to fancy men. I started having these feelings over a year ago.

ConfusedOP wrote: »

I have recently started to masturbate over gay porn. I am still using straight porn but it doesn't turn me on as much as the thrill of looking at gay porn. I get physically aroused instantly with gay porn and it takes some work with straight porn.

ConfusedOP wrote: »

I have started to notice good looking boys walking down the street. I have never imagined getting close to a boy, just having sex with them.

ConfusedOP wrote: »

I guess I should start facing up to reality that I'm gay.

yeah, you're gay alright

Healium

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Embrace the shades of grey.

I think you mean "shades of gay". Sorry, couldn't resist