9 Year Difference

LegacyUser

This has probably been on this section a million times, but I'm going to hit you guys with it any way. Me and this bloke have started seeing each other. Things are going really well and we really like each other. However, the other day we figured out that he's nine years older than me (I'm 20, he's 29). It's not an issue as far as the two of us are concerned (we hadn't even considered asking each other's age, in fact - it just came out), but I'm worried about how our friends and families could react.

To tell you the truth, if we didn't tell you about it you would never guess the difference. He looks no older than 25 and definately doesn't act like my elder. If you consider me, I'm quite mature for my age; in fact I find most guys in my age group to be irritating. On guessing most people put me at about 24/25. The two of us get along really well and everyone we know has remarked on the chemistry we have.

My problem has nothing to do with the actual age difference, as I've said before. My problem is that I just want this to be the pleasant, simple relationship it could be but I know people will probably make an issue of the gap and I'm dreading having to deal with that. How should I approach this?

whatsamsn

Age is only but a number - thats true. But sometimes there are exceptions.

Usually when a women hits 21 she is open and willing to date men of most ages. Your 20, so dating a 29yo man isnt exactly bad. I know a 21yo girl who is dating a 30yo man.

When people say age difference they are more so talking about maturity and what stages of life the two parties are in.
I dont care what anyone would say but a 19yo girl dating a 34yo man would be on other sides of the spectrum. No matter how mature the 19yo could appear or even be, she couldnt be alot - as she doesnt have any life experiences (which is what makes us mature) Not to mention the older person could want something serious, having been through various relationships, while the younger person doesnt want anything too serious. Etc etc.

So op, 20 and 29 are roughly around the same stages in life.
And as for anyone thinking it would be weird. To hell with them. At the end of the day its your life.

LegacyUser

^^Thanks. It's good to hear it from someone else.
I don't feel like I'm in a different place from him. We discussed what we wanted when we first started seeing each other and agreed we both want the same thing - just a casual relationship. If it develops into something else, so be it. From my perspective we might as well be the same age because we're both studying, both working part-time and neither of us really know what we want as a career. The only thing he's got on me is that he's better travelled.
I really don't want to give up on him because of something as small as a number.

Uriel.

Hey Op,

I think generally, age doesn't really matter. It's all about life stages, mindsets and what two people expect/want from each other.

If you are both at the same stage in life, irrespective of age, then it can work or not work just as any other relationship does or doesn't.

At 20, generally, you are i party mode, out and about a lot, enjoying college life, earning a bit of money on the side and just about scraping by. At 29 that can often be different, perhaps almost exact opposite. But it really depends on the people involved. I am almost 27, working full-time, will be heading back to college part time soon, but I am partying even more than I did when I was 19/20. I like to do that, that's me.

Likewise, maybe you are not into partying as much as that he might not either. It really all depends on how and where you see each other singularly and pluraly at the given time.

I think what you really need to do is just focus on today. If you two share common interests, get on well together, want to be with each other etc... then just go with that and don't worry about what might or might not happen. YOu two could get on so well together to last a number of years, maybe even forever, or it might fizzle out in 2 years or 6 months. In all liklihood, if it fizzles out, it will probably be for factors separate to the age gap.

Just enjoy it OP as you would any other good relationship.

Best of Luck

Kingpin187

wooow! a thread that I can provide insight into!

hey op

Im 28, my girlfriend is 20. I met her when she had just turned 19 and I was 28, that was around a year and a half ago. We kinda just got chatting and exchanged numbers while out in town. We just clicked right away. The age difference was on my mind to begin with, but to be honest it has never been an issue.

We love each other (moved in with each other in May aswell, and just back from holiday together) and no-one, at least to my knowledge, has ever said anything about our age difference... and well, if they have, F them.. we are happy.

So please dont let it bother you, if you are both into each other go for it.

whatsamsn

Decade wrote: »

^^Thanks. It's good to hear it from someone else.
I don't feel like I'm in a different place from him. We discussed what we wanted when we first started seeing each other and agreed we both want the same thing - just a casual relationship. If it develops into something else, so be it. From my perspective we might as well be the same age because we're both studying, both working part-time and neither of us really know what we want as a career. The only thing he's got on me is that he's better travelled.
I really don't want to give up on him because of something as small as a number.

You just answered your own reasons for why you should date him
You seem to be both on the same page

Now... I dont mean to be a synic in life. However certain things might need to be said. Nothing that pertains to now. But just some advice.
You both agreed to be causal and if something happens, it happens. Thats good. But in the event it does became more serious just be a bit careful Whats "casual" for a 20yo doesnt necessary mean the same for a 30yo

What I mean is... well take myself for example. I am a 25yo guy and if I dated an 18yo girl, to be brutally honest, I would be very cautious of her age. Now I am not the type to use a girl but there has been many a man who has dated a girl signicifantly younger than him and due to her age basically used her. Not seeing any future and telling her what she wanted to hear. While going with others behind her back.

Now please dont let that above bit put you off I just said it so lets say if in X months time you are still dating, maybe you're falling for the guy just ... if things pop up just remember the above

(Basically I just tip-toed with the above. The low-brow tranlastion would be: There is alot of 30yo men who would gladly get in bed with an 18-21yo girl. Telling them lets be in a relationship but casual. While in reality are just getting their leg over and dont really give a crap what happens) So op just be a bit careful :P

LegacyUser

^^Don't worry, I know what you mean. I've seen it happen as well.

LegacyUser

and another post about age difference!

Sorry I am not going off at you, I'm just venting about this notion that everyone likes to judge people and give grief for no reasons.

My dear, age is nothing but a number, we are all on the same road going in the same direction, we just have different shoes on.

Enjoy yourself and your relationship, if you love him and he loves you than simply enjoy your time together whether its 1 year, 5 years or 40 years!

No one knows what the future holds so if he is the person you want to be with then that should be your only concern.

Don't let anyone put their narrow minds way of thinking doubt your choices.

All the best to you

d10carter

age is just that a number. im 20 and have scored girls between 15-30 in the last year. enjoy life

Speak Now

d10carter wrote: »

age is just that a number. im 20 and have scored girls between 15-30 in the last year. enjoy life

15/16 :eek: careful now!

jethrothe2nd

d10carter wrote: »

age is just that a number. im 20 and have scored girls between 15-30 in the last year. enjoy life

Scoring a 15 year old? That's quite an achievement for a 20 year old.

d10carter

thanks she was a babe so why not like hhaha

LegacyUser

i knew guys in college who where about 23/24 and their girlfriends who still in school but where 18/19