Asexual?

LegacyUser

I'm a 19 year old girl who is a virgin...not only that but I've ever even been kissed. This used to make me feel ugly and unwanted and it was a secret I hid, have never ever told anyone about this, I basically feel ashamed. I always thought when I got to college things would happen for me bit now I'm not even sure if I want them to. When I go out with my friends I have no interest in boys (or girls either, I went through a year or so of thinking I might be gay or bisexual but I don't think I am.) I do fancy boys though, when I interact with them and become friends. It's only then that I feel any kind of sexual attraction towards them, and it is usually boys who I know I have no chance with either because they're in a relationship or significantly older than me. And even if something was to happen with them, I wouldn't let it.
I'm starting to wonder whether I'm asexual. I feel like a weirdo and as if I will be like this forever.

whatsamsn

I can probably give you some good advice op.
I am a guy, but .. just read on

First off, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 19. I have dated 3 women who were virgins over the last 5 years. All of them were 19 oddly enough (no im not a perv lol. Just happened) So there is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 19. You're not the only one!

As for thinking you were gay? - that happens to alot of people when they havent had sex in a very long time. They can suddenly think gay thoughts. Its a well known fact. I gather that you want to have sex so thats just a mental mind game thinking you were gay at one point.

As for why you only feel attracted to people you know? (as opposed to people you randomly might see/meet) is because i think you have low self-esteem. I think you feel unattractive and that subliminally you feel that you have more chances with people who you personally know.

So the answer is... you are not a weirdo What you are experiencing alot of people have experienced in their life I think you just need some more self-esteem and confidence and you'll feel so much different


Now, you have to be careful too. Since you are a virgin:

• Do not tell men at first you are a virgin. Alot of guys out there will go with a girl just "to be the first" - so dont tell your a virgin until after a few dates. You'll weed out alot of crap.
• Loose your virginity to someone you want to. Alot of women have lost it to one night stands or someone they briefly dated. They all say they would of rather waited until someone else.
• If you do date someone, make sure you really like him it wouldnt be fair to date someone and you're only half interested in because you may feel lonely. I've seen a girl who was a virgin and dated a guy for over a year. Not having sex with him once. But of course she did behind his back with other guys. Dont be like her.

Since you're 19. I would put money on that you'll probably loose it over the next year or so So ... just remember the above to save any heartache.

I'm sure the female users on this board can give you some more good advice

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
Im in a similiar situation except Im a 21 yr old male - still a virgin and never even been kissed. However when I was younger I was a bit shy and didnt really go out or whatever (wasnt really into it and had more important stuff to deal with) anyway I went to college and had no experience so I just kind of avoided those situations (you cant really get talking to a girl and then not know how to kiss). but I now dont really care I go out have the craic and chat and whatever happens happens but your not alone.

Chuchoter

19 is not old at all to be a virgin, and looking at this board loads of people seem to be in and around that age for first kiss. I don't think thats weird either, like if you (like myself) work your hard through secondary school, you might not have had time to get into a relationship. The fact that you're only attracted to people who are inaccessible tells me you're afraid of getting into any kind of relationship.

Nevyn

Being Asexual is a completely normal and valid sexuality for some people.
Other's go through cycles or patches in their life where they are asexual for a while.

So you might be asexual or it may be a confidence issue, or it may be just something you can figure out and work through with a counsellor.

Speak to your dr about it and see if they will reefer you to someone.

I am similiar when it comes to people I fancy. Not the inaccessible part - but that I get no feeling, no thrill or anything at all, from guys I don't know. I only ever feel attracted to guys who I've got to know and like as friend first. This isn't a problem, I think it just shows that you are much more interested in personality than looks.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with you OP! From reading this it seems to me you have more interests in life than guys and relationships. You are definitely right in not hooking up just for the sake of it - like you said you just aren't interested. Not everyone is, it doesn't mean you're asexual!

Ear Muffs

I was in the same boat! I was 21 before I kissed anyone, I've never told anyone that btw. I was never really sure why. I didnt have any friends who were boys as I went to an all girls school, and when I started college there were just no boys who were my type in my classes. I wass very shy and would be afraid to talk to boys on nights out. But I gained a lot of confidence one year, and then I went on holidays with my friends, got really drunk one night and said screw it, and kissed 5 strangers in a nightclub. I did some more kissing for a few months after, just strangers again and it really did help my confidence with boys! Then I got my first ever boyfriend and lost my virginity at 22.

I guess the advice I can give you is to just boost up your own confidence. I don't think its a case of you not being attracted to boys as more being nervous. I really liked my first boyfriend and without going into too much detail a kinda sexual animal just erupted from me, mostly cause I really loved him and felt so comfortable with him.

But don't go thinking its not normal. I'm glad I wasn't the only one and that ye are like me. Maybe theres more and people are too afraid to talk? cause I know I am!

Zen65

feelsilly wrote: »

I'm a 19 year old girl who is a virgin...not only that but I've ever even been kissed.

..in the real world this is far more normal than you might believe. In spite of what the media would like you to believe, romance usually occurs much later in life, especially if you are in college (let's face it, you don't get the points for college by spending every weekend going to discos, night clubs and parties).

..And lots of people have no interest in the opposite sex until they are ready for a relationship.

All in all, you really are describing a situation that is common to many young men and women, so stop worrying or over-analysing it. Enjoy the here and now in your life.


Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Im in the same boat except im 20 and male. Never been in a relationship, never been kissed, oviously still a virgin. It just never happened for me. I was very shy in school, I got a lot of hassel off people which kind of made me worse. This all lead to low self esteem and made me feel im just not good enough. Im a bit better that I was but I still dont really trust people. Ever now and then I get comments off people that i must be gay or theres something wrong with me because I have no experience. This is usually said behind my back. To be honest I dont really want a be in a relationship, im happy on my own for the most part but I do feel like im missing out sometimes. but when people bring up the topic I just sit there and keep my mouth shut and just hope im not asked. like a few other posters Ive never told anyone all this.

Kanoe

speaking from my own experience personally, I don't think I chose asexuality I just had a hard time getting my head around physical attraction. Even now I'm still rarely attracted to people and I can't really say what it is that I do find attractive when it's there, but it has little to do with physicality. I'm a loner and find it difficult to share life with other people but I do enjoy other peoples company, regardless of gender. I'm the weirdo.

Confidence will sort itself out in its own good time and until then relax, late bloomers have more fun anyway

Ear Muffs

unreg1 wrote: »

To be honest I dont really want a be in a relationship, im happy on my own for the most part but I do feel like im missing out sometimes. but when people bring up the topic I just sit there and keep my mouth shut and just hope im not asked. like a few other posters Ive never told anyone all this.

See I was the same about the relationship till I met my first boyfriend. We were friends first so I was more attracted to his personality. I think if ye meet the right people, the attraction follows.

I remember a drunk night playing truth or dare with some girls, and they telling all kinds of crazy sexual stories. I was terrified they would come to me!