Trans chat with parents!

hare05

Omg Omg Omg...
I think I just came out about being trans... maybe...

We were watching the awards ceremony on RTE and when the lgbt bit started, discussion turned to that. Parents were nice and vocal about how great it is that the old and wrong laws are gone and gays can be gay and so on (I'm out as bi), the usual "we support you" stuff. They then asked what the T in LGBT was and I said transgender. They asked me about transpeople as all gays know these things, right? (well this one does at any rate)
So I explained the difference between gender and sex, transsexuality, dysphoria, etc in as simple a form as I could, citing lgbt forums as my info source as I wasn't ready to come out yet.

They asked me was I transgendered. I said I don't know, that I've always felt... detached, trying to steer the conversation away without a clear answer. They then said they'd be supportive of me as long as I'm happy! (there was the usual "live as a man first and see if you like it" stuff, but no offense was meant).

So I might be out! And with accepting parents! Omg!

Links234

oh, exciting! how do you feel? I hope everything goes well.

hare05

Sorry for the broken post. Touch screen and jittery fingers!

Sooo happy! Guess they were catching on with the hair growth and slowly changing mannerisms. I've been letting my girly side out a bit under the banner of camp.

Thakyouuu~ links! You've been so great too!

Omg!

Links234

oh god that's wonderful hare

hare05

Great week. 3 grand in e tax back in my hands, first meet up with the lads from college, getting a new laptop, now this!
Gonna sleep now and dream stereotypical happy things and go to work tomorrow smiling!~ Omg my phone has preset smileys!

Night!

deirdre_dub

I'm so glad for you!

Parents can be great with this. I've been blessed with my Dad in particular. He accepted his eldest son telling him he is his daughter with hardly a blink. It looks like you are similarly blessed with parents who love you as you are.

xxx

Chuchoter

I really don't want to rain on your parade, maybe its different because you're already out as gay, but make sure they're completely clear on how you feel about yourself before you come downstairs in makeup or whatever. Before I came out (as gay), I was watching Milk or Glee or something with my parents and they were like 'ooh aren't they great, its great to be gay'. I come out as gay "WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE US ANY WARNING? ARE YOU GOING TO GO CUT YOUR TITS OFF NOW AND BECOME A MAN???!!!" rar rar rar rar. Basically, you think they've copped it, and then they haven't. You need a proper conversation where you tell them you are a woman and you want to transition.

Louisevb

crayolastereo wrote: »

I really don't want to rain on your parade, maybe its different because you're already out as gay, but make sure they're completely clear on how you feel about yourself before you come downstairs in makeup or whatever. Before I came out (as gay), I was watching Milk or Glee or something with my parents and they were like 'ooh aren't they great, its great to be gay'. I come out as gay "WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE US ANY WARNING? ARE YOU GOING TO GO CUT YOUR TITS OFF NOW AND BECOME A MAN???!!!" rar rar rar rar. Basically, you think they've copped it, and then they haven't. You need a proper conversation where you tell them you are a woman and you want to transition.

The above is a very common sense approach... I can see the relief in the post of parental acceptance and it is good to have unconditional love from parents I wish many more people had their values. Well done on getting that far. My advice is save your money if you are going to transition.. It is one hell of an expensive thing to do and at this stage you may have no idea of what you want to look like or how you are going to deal with the transition in the work place...
I wish you well and if you need it there is loads of support and help out there now. Above all be yourself and be happy

L.Jenkins

+1000 for op

hare05

Obviously there'll be another more focused chat before I do anything like that lol but what I'm happy about is that I now know within reason how they'll react. That in itself is enough right now.

L.Jenkins

I can imagine last night was one of the best nights sleep you've had so far It's great to hear that you have great parents.

Eebs

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

I can imagine last night was one of the best nights sleep you've had so far It's great to hear that you have great parents.

Congrats. I'd echo what others are saying about not being out of the woods yet but this is a GREAT indication.

Try keep calm and try get them information as they need it. It can be a lot to take in for parents despite positive reactions and sometimes as the thought process continues about it they can get scared, angry upset etc.

Not to worry you but be aware they may just need some support from you too at this time.

I try to tell people to think about it this way, youve been thinking about it for years (most likely) and they're only just starting to deal with it. So some time to get their heads really around it won't be so bad.

Congrats again!

L.Jenkins

I learned tonight myself that my fear in telling my own siblings doesn't prove to be a problem as the trans issue was brought up jokingly, but my brother said he had no problem with trans people. I didn't out myself either, but it gives me alittle more hope also

L.Jenkins

On the subject of having a trans chat with family. I really want to start telling family, but I'm pretty worried about it as I've only come out to friends so far. Any advice?

EDIT: In typically fashion, I just came out to a very understanding (I hope) american sister-in-law just a short while ago and asked her to let me come out in my own time as I've asked her for support at the moment. So I'm waiting for a reply via facebook.

deirdre_dub

ItsThatManAgain wrote: »

On the subject of having a trans chat with family. I really want to start telling family, but I'm pretty worried about it as I've only come out to friends so far. Any advice?

Note to the mods - I think a sticky on coming out might be a good idea?

I don't think you should change your approach to coming out just because it's your family you are coming out to. Yes, it's a lot scarier, so you may need to do something for yourself to help you deal with that. But as for the act of coming out itself, my formula is to keep the speech short, listen to them, and remember that their initial reaction isn't necessarily going to be their last.

EDIT: In typically fashion, I just came out to a very understanding (I hope) american sister-in-law just a short while ago and asked her to let me come out in my own time as I've asked her for support at the moment. So I'm waiting for a reply via facebook.

You are afraid she might "spill the beans" with the rest of your family? Unless she is a particularly bad gossip, I very much doubt it.

L.Jenkins

Well we spoke last night and shes very supportive of me and the process. She will be back next summer from the US so she will help me with parents then

L.Jenkins

To anyone who has come out to family regardless of orientation, i commend ye. I never knew how hard it would be and what an emotional rollercoster it can be. I'm half way there and have acceptance so far. I would also second a coming out and support thread sticky as it will always be a topic of conversation.

Louisevb

Anyone coming out should take their time. Rushing can cause problems.

Pick people in your circle who you know you can trust and start there.
Then never tell a group together or who know each other. In a group situation it can go wrong. Talk to them one to one and when you start with one get round them all very quickly. this basically cuts off negativity.. hopefully
The worst thing that can happen is a "friend" who is homophobic/transphobic telling others before you have had time to do that in your own way.

When you explain things in your own way face to face there is less chance of misunderstanding and you can explain and answer any questions that come up. This will or may be a shock to some, so being able to answer any question face to face will hopefully ensure a better result.

Then carry on as you usually do going out etc. Treat everything as normal.

Good Luck

There is a support group on line here if you want to join for a chat on any other issues with people who are transgender
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/irishtrannie/