Resolving conflict - how do you do it?

LegacyUser

Hey,

My girlfriend and myself row from time to time (nothing wrong there, like to think of it as no rows - no passion!)

Anyway, I just want to know how people here resolve them. Our rows always end badly. Sometimes, they end with me giving in (even if I have a valid argument) but I hate conflict dragging out so I cave in.

The majority of the time when I stand my ground, she will ignore the reasoning even if I'm right and I feel like an idiot for making my point!

Anyway once the argument's over, it instantly washes over me. (I'm like that - quite logical, once the issue's been sorted, I'm ok).

However the girlfriend is quite the opposite, she's often annoyed for 1 to 2 days after.

She's used to getting her own way (admits this freely herself) and would be the 'strong' personality in the relationship.

I take the dominant role when something annoys me but otherwise I've no issue with her ruling the roost. (maybe this is a bad thing?)

Anyway we were talking and none of us can remember when an argument we've had ended well!

How do other couples do it?!

Thanks

Neyite

if she is more interested in being right than resolution of a disagreement then the only way that you will resolve issues is if you agree with her all the time, whether she is right or wrong. but thats not the way to resolve problems.

i think personally, being in a mood for a couple of days afterwards is ridiculous - either its resolved, so normal communication should resume, or its not, in which case further communication is needed.

in my relationship, when we row, which is rare enough, i dont shout, and if i am shouted at, i will leave the room, and only continue the discussion when a normal decibel level resumes. we also never, never call each other names, i think its the height of disrespect for the person you care about. and we only stick to the issue at hand - no dragging in other issues. i always make an effort to 'try on his point of view' and he does with me, and we really listen to each other. but then, neither of us are interested in being right - we are just interested in meeting halfway.

CDfm

Like what stuff do you argue about. Are the arguments reasonable or are you arguing about stupid stuff.An argument over whether to go to kfc or mcdonalds would be stupid stuff.

I had an ex who put the same level of energy into an argument over where we would go to lunch as she would over where we would live or finances. So the decision makiing in major decisions is of more significance.

A headwreck -so why not make a list of the type of arguments, their significance and the outcome and if it was reasonable and how it made you feel.

This is not a scoring exercise but it puts the stuff in context. If a person still holds a grude over who puts on the kettle two days later then maybe you have a problem.

StarryMoon0

That sounds aweful.

My OH are going through a book right now called:
Couple Skills - Making your relationship work
(matthew mckay, patrick fanning, kim paleg)

I find it brilliant, might be of some use to you guys? If your both open to making things better that is.

Its all about listening properly, communicating clearly, and conflict resolution (feedback, empathy ect).