Saskwatch P.I.

JohnnyC1

This is the introduction to my short story "saskwatch P.I. let me know what ya think.


Somewhere in a small wooded area next to a lake that freezes hard every winter there lives a wise but slightly disgruntled saskwatch. Now this isn't your run of the mill ignorant, smelly, naked creature just living day to day surviving on berries and little woodland critters no this is a much more civilized and cultured saskwatch who enjoys fine wine and deplores the bush administration, its only shared characteristic to the others is its illusiveness.

The possession of this high intellect by such a lowly specimen has never been fully explained although it has been speculated that a professor Herman Shweats, who lead an expedition to prove the existance of the saskwatch in 1972 fell in love with one of the female saskwatchs he encountered and they produced what most would call an abomination but for the purposes of this story he shall be called Dave. In order for Dr Shweats to protect his hairy lover and there only very slightly less hairy offspring he never mentioned to anyone what he found, and destroyed all the data from his trek expect for a single photo of mother and son taken at Christmas by the frozen lake that he keeps safely tucked away in his wallet.

Dave never really fitted in with the community and eventually had to leave after a fight with his mother over whose hair was in the berry jam. This was when Dave left and set up home in the small wooded area next to the lake that freezes hard every winter. Dave is happy here with no one to bother him it gives him time to concentrate on his main indulgence "solving crime". Every night under the cover of darkness even though he says "it just doesn't feel right" he puts on the various serviceable clothes that he found scavenging through the years these include, Jet black levi 501s that are slightly too small, a white t shirt with "Vote for Pedro" written on the front of it, one left doc martin boot, one right white converse high top, a large bright yellow bear USA rain jacket, and a red trilby hat that kind of sits on top of his head. He then shaves his face has a shamelessly vain moment with the mirror and off he gos.

EileenG

Has the potential to be a funny and interesting story, but you need to tidy it up a lot.

Shorten the sentences. I defy you to read out a typical sentence in one breath. It's not a hard and fast rule, but 15 words per sentence is a good average.

It comes across as an adult telling a story to a child. Try to rewrite so the author is less obvious, just make it Dave's story.

pickarooney

I like the premise and there was enough humour in the intro to make me want to read the story (have you written the story yet?).

There are quite a number of spelling errors ("Sasquatch", "elusiveness", "their") and you could do with using full stops a lot of the time where there are commas, but this nit-picking aside it was definitely intriguing.

Antilles

If I was a publisher, the title alone would have me sold on the idea.

JohnnyC1

Cheers for the input guys, I been busy lately so i haven't been on here. I know there is allot of mistakes in it. I will take what you said into account and rewrite it. I haven't written the whole story yet but i have the plot worked out. Cant believe i didn't spell the title correctly.