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Keep getting Hurt

  • 09-09-2010 10:16pm
    #1
    elle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 321 ✭✭


    I really don't know what's wrong with me. I seem to be completely jinxed when it comes to relationships, and I know i'm probably just being irrational or something but lately i just can't stop trying to figure out what's wrong with me and worrying i'm going to just keep getting into relationships with people who hurt me again and again. I am really down about it at the moment.

    I don't jump into relationships, I would be very cautious about letting myself fall for someone after being hurt before.I came out of a relationship earlier this yr.Took my time getting involved...he was crazy about me told me i was perfect gf couldnt imagine being with anyone else .. his friends all loved me we were practically living together - were making plans for travelling during the summer etc....then broke up with me out of nowhere ..on my birthday...really never expected that ... i was devastated...still am i guess..

    I'm not a **** gf either..i'm generally a really chilled out person very laid back ..I am really not needy/clingy ... do my own thing have a good job independant, all that...he was the one ringing me everyday wanting me to spend every minute with him,texting me constantly if i went out with the girls for a night ... i never stopped him from doing anyting, i wouldnt even text him if he was out with the boys, just let him have his own space

    so after we broke up he wouldn't leave me alone(this is months i'm talking) ..begging me to meet him/give him a chance...then soon as i started to consider maybe meeting up taking things slowly like he suggested ... he changes his mind again and says it wudnt work...yet he won't leave me alone when i asked him for space...

    we're 6 mths on now and i've deleted him cut all contact .. had to because I know I couldn't move on if i didn't ... i just can't stop trying to figure out what I did wrong ... i am really hating myself at the moment...i was very much in love with him and thought he was too ( he said as much) its not the first time i've been hurt my previous bf cheated on me ..only once but still its enough..

    I just cant figure out what i'm doing thats so wrong r whats wrong with me ...


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I know it's easy for anyone else to say, but try not to get into the mindset of 'there's something wrong with me', or 'I'm jinxed'. I really feel for you, you have just been unlucky. Unfortunately there's no fix for it. Some people meet the person they're going to spend the rest of their lives with at 16, some have to go through a lot of pain and failed relationships before they find someone they're completely compatible with. I'm with you in the latter camp! I've been hurt and let down a lot of times but that's life, isn't it? You've got to get back in the saddle. What's the alternative? Becoming bitter and twisted and driving people away. I refuse to be one of those people. I know it's easier to become cynical but it also closes you off to people and experiences and love.

    Try not to think of your relationship as a failure, but as another experience on the road to where you're going to end up. Did you learn something from the relationship about yourself, or about life? Then it was worth it, even if it doesn't seem like that at the moment. x


  • #3
    Mr. Loverman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Mr. Loverman


    Women who go from one bad relationship to another are usually picking bad men on purpose (subconsciously).

    Without meaning to sound like Dr. Phil, how was your relationship with your father?

    You could of course just be unlucky, but lets try to rule out the obvious explanation.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Mr. Loverman, that's not very helpful. What's with the Freudian grilling? For god's sake, you know it's possible that this girl, like many others, have just been unlucky with how their relationships have ended up. 'The obvious explanation', how patronising can you get?


  • #5
    Mr. Loverman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Mr. Loverman


    dontgiveup! wrote: »
    Mr. Loverman, that's not very helpful. What's with the Freudian grilling? For god's sake, you know it's possible that this girl, like many others, have just been unlucky with how their relationships have ended up. 'The obvious explanation', how patronising can you get?

    But it is helpful. Abusive realtionships take two willing participants: the abuser and the abusee. It is not a coincidence so many people go from bad relationship to bad relationship. Pretending it is always just bad luck is denial.


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