Pregnant & paranoid

LegacyUser

With my bf almost 2 years now and found out I was pregnant about 8 weeks ago. It was a bit of a shock but my bf was delighted and I’m quite happy about it too now.

There is a couple of things bothering me but I don’t know if it’s me being paranoid with all these hormones or what. Someone else’s perspective might help me get it straight in my head..

First thing is the lack of sex. I’m exhausted and sick most of the time and while bf is being really understanding; I am worried that he is getting really frustrated with me deep down.

Also it just seems that his Ex is everywhere at the moment. She was calling him late sat night, obviously out & drunk, it was completely out of the blue. She then text the next morning to say it was an accident.
I logged into my facebook account this morning to see my bf was tagged in a photo; it was some old one of the two of them that she had posted among some other random old pics.
Also BF and I went to my good friend’s 30th b-day party 2 weeks ago and she turned up. We do have some mutual friends but the girl who’s party is was isn’t one of them and they’ve probably only met once or twice.

She has made it pretty clear in the past that she still has feelings for my BF so I don’t want to be around her but I have to just deal with it at times because of our mutual friends but now I just feel like she is in my face all the time.

I don’t know what I think is going to happen and tbh my bf is a great guy and I’ve no real reason to worry.

pollypocket10

Congrats on your pregnancy... I am also expecting

It doesn't really sound like your OH has done anything wrong (although his ex ringing like that does sound like a piece of work :rolleyes:). I know only too well myself that these hormones can make you extremely paranoid/weepy/bitchy at times so I just try to take a step back and get some perspective. I just tell myself it's all in my head and try to forget about it.

I wouldn't worry about the lack of s.e.x., it's temporary and I'm sure your OH will be more concerned with making you as comfortable as possible.

LegacyUser

1st, congratulations.

paranoidpregnantlady wrote: »

I don’t know what I think is going to happen and tbh my bf is a great guy and I’ve no real reason to worry.

This bit. Even if you don't trust her, you can obviously trust your BF so I wouldn't stress too much.

As for lack of sex due to you being tired most the time. You might be getting drained a bit from letting your mind wonder and getting frustrated over nitty gritty things?

Why are you so tired? Is there anything your BF can help you do to take some weight off your shoulders?

Little things like cleaning up as you both go along rather than waiting for the sink to get full of dishes or the likes will make cleaning seem like a doddle.

If you're working, try getting to bed that little bit earlier and having a good full breakfast before work.

Keep hydrated during the day so you don't feel exhausted after work.

The moods and stuff are there to stay, and so is your BF. You said you trust him so that's all that matters. Don't let her play on your mind and get you worked up or anything. She's his ex for a reason and now he has you. You're not just his GF now you're the mammy to his baby and as time goes along you'll find how much closer this pregnancy is going to bring the both of you.

Kingpin187

congrats on your pregnancy

When my ex was pregnant with our daughter she suffered a drop in her sex drive, and to be honest I didnt mind at all... I would feel weird doing it knowing my baby was in there, I know thats stupid and its completely safe and natural but I personally didnt really fancy it (at least later in the pregnancy), plus if I had an overwhelming urge I could do it DIY anyway

so dont worry about that

as for the ex, your bf hasnt done anything wrong, but that could be an added stress source that you dont need.. pregnancy is hard enough and if it really is bothering you maybe say to your bf to nip it in the bud before it causes any arguments.. perhaps just as far as him having a word with her?

I wouldnt worry though, and I wish you well!

pollypocket10

Relax. wrote: »

1st, congratulations.

This bit. Even if you don't trust her, you can obviously trust your BF so I wouldn't stress too much.

As for lack of sex due to you being tired most the time. You might be getting drained a bit from letting your mind wonder and getting frustrated over nitty gritty things?

Why are you so tired? Is there anything your BF can help you do to take some weight off your shoulders?

Little things like cleaning up as you both go along rather than waiting for the sink to get full of dishes or the likes will make cleaning seem like a doddle.

If you're working, try getting to bed that little bit earlier and having a good full breakfast before work.

Keep hydrated during the day so you don't feel exhausted after work.

The moods and stuff are there to stay, and so is your BF. You said you trust him so that's all that matters. Don't let her play on your mind and get you worked up or anything. She's his ex for a reason and now he has you. You're not just his GF now you're the mammy to his baby and as time goes along you'll find how much closer this pregnancy is going to bring the both of you.

The tiredness is unfortunately just the joy of pregnancy I'm afraid, there is a lot of energy being burned behind the scenes when making a baby.

The good thing is it does get easier OP and after the first trimester you'll feel a bit like your old self again.

And Relax is right, you'r his baby's momma, no-one else will even come close

LegacyUser

I don’t agree with all the other viewpoints posted here – to a certain extent. OP, I don’t think you should worry about his ex but I also don’t think you should allow the intimacy to leave your relationship.

I am not pregnant but I am very tired, very stressed and have been on my 3rd set on antibiotics in 3 months which are making me very sick. Its not the same but I don’t think your tiredness and morning sickness should be a reason not to be intimate with your bf. You see so many posts here from men whose wives have stopped having sex with him as the kids arrive… I would not even start going down this route when you are on number 1.

Congrats and best of luck.

LegacyUser

I don’t agree with all the other viewpoints posted here – to a certain extent. OP, I don’t think you should worry about his ex but I also don’t think you should allow the intimacy to leave your relationship.

I am not pregnant but I am very tired, very stressed and have been on my 3rd set on antibiotics in 3 months which are making me very sick. Its not the same but I don’t think your tiredness and morning sickness should be a reason not to be intimate with your bf. You see so many posts here from men whose wives have stopped having sex with him as the kids arrive… I would not even start going down this route when you are on number 1.

Congrats and best of luck.

To be honest being stressed tired and and on antibiotics is nothing compared to the exhaustion and illness that a lot of people experience in pregnancy.

The intimacy has not left our relationship, it is just not happening as often as it used to. We're down to about 3 or 4 times a week which is all that I can physically manage. And this is temporary, we're not going to stop having sex.

Thanks for all the replies. I've sort of gotten over the whole ex thing, I know there is nothing to worry about but the ex is still a bit annoying, she was texting again while we were out a a party together this weekend.

We'll just have to live with the lack of sex for now I suppose

LegacyUser

paranoidpregnantlady wrote: »

The intimacy has not left our relationship, it is just not happening as often as it used to. We're down to about 3 or 4 times a week which is all that I can physically manage. And this is temporary, we're not going to stop having sex.

Well that would not constitute a lack of sex to me...

As for your comment 'To be honest being stressed tired and and on antibiotics is nothing compared to the exhaustion and illness that a lot of people experience in pregnancy.' It all depends how tired and stressed people who are on antibiotics are..... Bring pregnant doesnt give you a monopoly on exhaustion....

This reminds me of ed byrne's sketch on tv last night about not being able to disagree with parents because unless you are a parents you dont know anything

LegacyUser

So angry this morning.

The ex called again at all hours last night and then to top it off she texts just as I was falling back to sleep to apologise for ringing.

Why can't she just leave us alone. A week doesn't go by where there isn't something with her texting or calling or something, I'd really like to tell her where to go at this stage but I know it will cause awkwardness among the group of friends.

It sounds to me like you have two completely different issues. The sex life and the ex. Both need to be worked out, whether in reality or in your head.

However it does sound like you are projecting the former onto the latter a little bit. I do not mean to make it sound like the latter is NOT a problem, but it might not be AS bad as you think… but it seems so in the light of what is going on in your head about the sex part.

Having recently become a dad myself I know what you mean about sex tapering off. The trick we learned however is to realise that sex is not just something you get down to and DO, it is something you share even when you are not actually engaged in it. Sex is not just something you and your partner do between your legs. It’s a full mind and body experience.

TALK is what I am saying. Talk about sex. Talk to him about what you miss with sex, what you liked about it, and what you are going to do to him when you get your libido back. Play around with the fun of going into as minute detail as you are capable of while talking about it. Maybe even engage in, or let him engage in, masturbation while you do it.

Not only will this allay your fears that sex is not part of your relationship right now, but you might find when you get over the initial shyness of engaging in the “sex talk” that you actually end up finding a new level of intimacy that will stand to you when you get back to it.

As for the ex, I will leave it to others to advise you on this one, but I hope as I said that when one problem is elevated, you find your feelings about the other eased too.

Not to mention the fact… the first time you do have sex after a few months of sex talk foreplay… it will blow both of your minds.

LegacyUser

paranoidpregnantlady wrote: »

So angry this morning.

The ex called again at all hours last night and then to top it off she texts just as I was falling back to sleep to apologise for ringing.

Why can't she just leave us alone. A week doesn't go by where there isn't something with her texting or calling or something, I'd really like to tell her where to go at this stage but I know it will cause awkwardness among the group of friends.

In regards to the morning sickness: I´m pregnant too at this moment, and my doctor gave me some pills for the morningsickness(which are harmless for the baby) and it made it virtually dissapear. Check with your gp if he can prescribe you anything, that´s at least some discomfort gone

LegacyUser

paranoidpregnantlady wrote: »

The ex called again at all hours last night and then to top it off she texts just as I was falling back to sleep to apologise for ringing.

Why doesnt he turn off the phone or put it on silent???? I would be annoyed with him for leaving the phone on.. She is obviously cuckoo and i could not give her the pleasue of saying anything to her. Tell him to use the silent option at night or else get her number blocked....

LegacyUser

Hey op sorry now I'm fairly sure this will be a bit rambling. So I just had a baby and I was sooo in your position. Only I was more insecure as we had not been together very long. Our LO was a suprise baby too. We had an extremely healthy sex life and then it seemed that the moment I found out I was pregnant it took a nose dive to twice a week. Now what actually happened is we found out that I was pregnant when I was at my most exhausted. Now when ur nine mnts preg your knackered don't get me wrong your big and uncomfortable and find it hard to sleep your carrying and growing a full term baby BUT when your in the first stages of pregnancy your body is actually MAKING a baby from scratch. It's actually The most taxing time on your body. Also it's the most taxing time on your emotions your relationship has moved into a new dimension and your insecure, us wimmins feel responsible for the pregnancy even tho it takes two. you are worried about finances and how this is going to effect you body and your relationship ect...........

Now for the good news this last till the second trimester when the sexy hormones kick in and you are mad for it...little like the start of you cycle...


As for the ex txting this is an outside factor that is making you feel everything worse when you already feel venerable. You need to tell your boyfriend how this makes you feel be honest "I'm a little venerable right now this is not helping" Ask him to stop being friends with her on FB, change number if possible. Also his response also his will prob reassure you you have nothing to worry about.

You are preg and hormones will make you crazy but this is not one of those cases. This is normal.

You are going to have the most amazing thing thing enter your life I almost feel jealous of the most amazing change you will ever have. You OH loves you and ur baba congrats.