Friend betrayed my confidence

LegacyUser

I just want to get some perspective on a situation that is bothering me at the moment and I would appreciate any input and opinions ye boardsies may have.

Well, I recently found out that a good friend of mine has been blogging about my personal life and on things that have happened to me in the past. I don't want to get into too much detail about what thses things are but in short I grew up in an abusive/troubled family environment. No names have been mentioned on the blog and it is written from an anecdotal/psychological perspective about my life and the blogger's (my friend) tale of being my friend.

I found out about this from another friend and I have read the blog and to honest I don't know if I should be angry over the blog but I have to say I do not like the way I am protrayed and the amount of detail (which is very personal)....

We have been friends since secondary school and we are just finished college and I consider him to be one of my best friends. But from his writing/blogging I see that he has an entirely different opinion of me then I thought and tbh it hurts. I haven't confronted him about this yet but I basically don't know if I want to be friends with him anymore.

Overheal

Is this like a deadjournal (private blog) or is this something he's doing to actively publicise your personal issues?

Personally I can understand writing something down like that say if you're talking to him about your issues he wants to keep a record of it for himself; but intent is important. I don't think the act of cataloging it is in itself incriminating.

LegacyUser

If other friends are reading it and you think that you can be identified it is a betrayal of trust and I would say something. On balance, maybe there were some home truths contained in the blog that you can't accept. If this person has been a good friend to you during troubled times I would weigh that against what is said in the blog.

ManOfMystery

This is a bit of a tricky one.

On the one hand, the blogger has written this fairly anonymous piece. You can't really be identified from it (I presume), so they haven't really breached your confidence or told anyone who the abused person was. So your secret is somewhat safe.

On the other hand, I can also see how difficult it for you to sit and read something on a screen which you told to someone in confidence. Names or no names, you did not give them permissions to serialise or publicise your story. And if this blogger is writing about it for their own personal reasons (to offload it, to attract readers to their blog, whatever), it stinks a little of them pursuing their own ambition at the cost of your trust. By writing this piece, do they really have your best interests at heart?

As above, you need to weigh up how much this person has helped you in the past against their reasoning for actually posting this online.

Cheap Thrills!

:eek: Oh my God! That is horrific! How dare he?

He's been using the details of your life for online entertainment?

That is absolutely unforgivable, is he mentally ill or something? Evil, evil man.

OP, I would go absolutely nuclear on his ass here. Your private business on the internet without your permission. It doesn't matter if your actual name is not used, if he has used his own name if will be glaringly obvious who you are.

I would go to a solicitor and get advice immediately. Stuff people write on the internet is not anonymous and they are legally responsible for it.

I can't believe you are taking it so calmly, fair play to you but seriously you need to seek legal advice.

Oryx

I know this person didnt put your name in, but the person who told you recognised you, right? So it is now known among your circle of friends, if not elsewhere, who is being written about.

Contact the author (who I have reservations referring to as a friend) and insist that all reference to you, whether anonymous or not, be removed. Once this is done, then take a step back, and think about the whole situation before making any decisions on what to do next.

Chinafoot

This is a tricky one and it is hard to comment without further details.

If it is purely for entertainment purposes then yes, absolutely out of order. If its something like you would see posted in personal issues, as in asking for advice, then I don't think it's as clear cut. You just have to look at some of the anonymous threads here that go into detail about friends and their actions and it would be possible for someone who knew the party being discussed to recognise them, but the intention is completely different.

I would do as Oryx suggested and ask the author of the blog to remove all references to your situation and to refrain from posting anything more. See what he says and take it from there. If you don't feel comfortable being friends with this person anymore then don't. Nobody would blame you as, again if the intention was entertainment at the ramblings of an amateur psychologist, it is a betrayal of trust.