raped as a child

why so serious?

I am 20 years old, when I was 6, I was raped on numerous occassions. It damaged me severely but I never told anyone about it until a few weeks ago, I told my best friend when I was hammered drunk, and just yesterday I found out he told my other best mate, not that I heard it back or anything but I found out. My other friend who he told hasn't said anything because he is not the kind of person who would say it back to you unless you said it first, he is very trustworthy and a good friend, but now that he also knows about it, I have to talk to him about it because I can be pretty shore that my mate who I originally told it about has went back and told my other best friend, that I know, he know's if that makes sense. What will I do? Like I said, I never told anyone about this until just a few weeks ago and the only reason I even told my friend is because I was a tad drunk at the time. What will I say to my other mate? How will I bring it up? I literally feel sick at the thoughts of it but I have to talk to him about it now, I can't just pretend I don't know that he knows, because really up until yesterday that is what he was pretty much doing, I was oblivious to the fact he knew until yesterday, I don't know how long he knows about it or anything else. Sorry for the lack of paragraphs but I'm in such a mess, I just typed this really fast and not bothered about punctuation. Any advice would be great. thanks.

Nevyn

I would not say anything to him unless he brings it up.
This has been effecting you and has now come to the surface.
You need to talk to someone professionally and get help to deal with this and it will help you talk to the people in your life about it.

http://www.oneinfour.org/support/

* telephone
o 01 662 4070
* fax
o 01 611 4650
* email
o info@oneinfour.org
* address
o 2 Holles Street
Dublin

http://www.rcni.ie/find-help.aspx

http://www.rcni.ie/male-survivors.aspx

Male Survivors


Male survivors often feel alone because there is little talk or understanding of the sexual abuse of boys and, particularly, of the sexual assault of adult men.

Those who sexually abuse boys or men are generally male, but can also be female. All Rape Crisis Centres support orand offer counselling to male survivors or refer them to the appropriate local service. In many Rape Crisis Centres, male counsellors are available for face-to-face counselling if this is what you would prefer. Find a RCC.

What are the long-term effects of abuse?

The long-term effects of sexual abuse are similar to what people who have suffered severe trauma will experience. This may include: low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, difficulties with relationships and sexuality, confusion about sexual orientation, underachievement, aggression, passivity, addictions, social and emotional withdrawal, obsessions, breakdown, suicide, abuse of others and self-harm. More about trauma.

In our experience, talking to someone can help. More about counselling.

Abuse can present many difficulties for men:
Employment and unemployment
You may experience difficulties at work or find it hard to get or keep a job. You may have difficulty with authority figures as a result of the abuse of power between you and your abuser. You may not feel able to relate to others in your workplace and this may cause difficulties for you.

Substance abuse and addictions
You may turn to alcohol or drugs or work exceptionally long hours to escape from the hurt. These addictions can lead to problems at home or at work and may result in the loss of your job, your career being stalled, or the breakdown of your relationships.

Anger management
Culturally, men can feel uncomfortable expressing emotions like shame, vulnerability, sadness, fear and guilt. These are the main emotions that men feel after sexual abuse but anger is often used to express or hide these emotions.

Sexual confusion
When you were sexually abused, you may have felt aroused. This is a normal physical response to attention or affection, even when it happens in the context of abuse. This may lead to a lot of confusion for you about your own sexual identity or sexual orientation. Abusers often manipulate feelings of doubt or shame, leading to confusion around sexual orientation. Any anxiety you may feel around masculinity and sexuality may be increased by the stereotype that 'real men' don't get abused, especially if the sexual violence happened to you as an adult. Also, the desire for emotional fulfilment may have been met at some level in the abuse. Afterwards, sex may be seen as one way to satisfy that need for emotional fulfilment.

Physical and emotional symptoms
Examples of symptoms you might experience include: frequent nightmares, persistent agitation, difficulty in using public toilets, depression, fearfulness in the presence of more aggressive men, problems around trust and intimacy, fear that you may in turn abuse children and over-protectiveness of your own children.

Logical Fallacy

If your not ready to talk about it sober then your not ready to talk about it sober. Often times booze will have us say things that might be on our mind, but we might not be entirely ready to talk about. One thing i will say, the fact that you said anything at all, under any circumstances means you might just be getting round to the idea that talking about it is something you want to do.

Just take your time with it, talk about it when you are good and ready. You seem to feel this mate who has been told will have the good character to not say a thing and leave it all up to you...so he really does sound like a good mate.

Cheap Thrills!

Listen, right now your friends and who told who what, you need to park that and deal with it later.

You really need to contact the support services Thaedydal listed above ESPECIALLY One In Four (they are wonderful)

You don't say if you are a lad or a girl but it doesn't matter, what happened to you is huge and you can't deal with it alone, you don't have to.

You can get expert advice and support, talk to people who have been through it from these services. They will help you, please, please contact them, you cant start with talking anonymously over the phone and when you feel more comfortable every other service (including expert counselling) is there for you.

You have been dealt a hard hand in your early life BUT you deserve a great life and YOU must seek help. Not because there is anything wrong with you. Definitely not! BUT, no-one needs to go through this alone.

There are lots of issues around 'disclosure' (telling other people) that are particularly painful to deal with and expert help can smooth the journey to healing.

I wish you all the best and commend you on your strength so far.;)

Sound Bite

why so serious? wrote: »

I am 20 years old, when I was 6, I was raped on numerous occassions. It damaged me severely but I never told anyone about it until a few weeks ago, I told my best friend when I was hammered drunk, and just yesterday I found out he told my other best mate, not that I heard it back or anything but I found out. My other friend who he told hasn't said anything because he is not the kind of person who would say it back to you unless you said it first, he is very trustworthy and a good friend, but now that he also knows about it, I have to talk to him about it because I can be pretty shore that my mate who I originally told it about has went back and told my other best friend, that I know, he know's if that makes sense. What will I do? Like I said, I never told anyone about this until just a few weeks ago and the only reason I even told my friend is because I was a tad drunk at the time. What will I say to my other mate? How will I bring it up? I literally feel sick at the thoughts of it but I have to talk to him about it now, I can't just pretend I don't know that he knows, because really up until yesterday that is what he was pretty much doing, I was oblivious to the fact he knew until yesterday, I don't know how long he knows about it or anything else. Sorry for the lack of paragraphs but I'm in such a mess, I just typed this really fast and not bothered about punctuation. Any advice would be great. thanks.

OP you dont have to talk to him about it. Only do so if you want to & judging from your post, you're not ready do so. Firstly, its none of his business and secondly, from how you describe him, he seems like a decent guy, who'll respect your privacy & won't mention it to you at all.

However, as everyone else has said, it's on your mind & you should seek professional help.

Good Luck.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I can only commend you for having the courage to say it out loud it must have been very hard for you and just when you needed the utmost sensitivity and compassion you did not get it, i know what it feels like, and i think what is happening is that because you have expressed it to people it is bringing up all kinds of feelings shame, fear, guilt, who can you trust etc.... i think that you have said it out loud now and that is a good thing on the road to recovery, it always comes out with the drink, but dont worry and dont let it play over and over in your head, you have done nothing wrong this is a very difficult thing to process and deal with and you have handled yourself with integrity, try and have lots of compassion for yourself and mind yourself.

Is there anyone who you trust that you can tell, you need some support and a soft place to land while you are getting it out in the open, once you do you will feel very relieved, the monster who did this to you should not get to hurt you any longer. I am 32 and i have worked through my sexual abuse and come out the other side, remember you are not damaged goods you can heal from this and reclaim your life. Make sure that you surround yourself with loving people. Thinking of you! sending an angel to watch over you all the best xoxo

johanz

I think Op should talk with that dude. He sounds like silent but curious type. Won't tell anyone but still wants to know more.:o