Never had a one night stand

LegacyUser

Hi, I am a 24 yr old male and i have never had a one night stand. I am considered to be decent looking and any girl i approach thinks that i am a player for some reason, i have no idea why. Infact i am extremly shy, have only had one girlfriend and she is the only girl i have slept with. My question is, am i not normal for not having one night stands? all my friends do it, no problem and are always on to me as to why i dont.
confused

Ickle Magoo

There is no "normal" - only what you are comfortable doing or not doing.

If your friends are giving you hard time just not and smile, they are just teasing you. Don't feel under pressure to do something just because other people are or someone says you should be, only do it because you want to.

Best of luck

IrishEyes19

I'm a girl and to be honest, knowing that a guy I like always has one night stands would turn me off for good, no girl wants to be another notch on his bed post. Don't feel pressured to conform.

Princess Peach

I would love a guy who never had one night stands! I think they're a bit disgusting tbh. The first guy I ever slept with wasn't a virgin, but we never really spoke about our ex's or past hookups, its just not a conversation I think is relevant. But I did know he had a few girlfriends before me.

And then I remember him telling me about a friend of his who slept with 4 girls in the space of about 2 weeks and I told him I think thats horrible. He defended the friend, said there was nothing wrong with one night stands with strangers and he'd done it. I felt awful! I know its a girly thing and he was my first but to me sex was a meaningful thing between people who love each other and to find out he didnt see it the same way hurt me.

I know a few guys who have reps for one night stands and I dont think I could ever have a relationship with them cause I'd be afraid once they got what they want they'd leave. So don't worry about it, any respectable girl would love a decent guy like you! And absolutely dont do it just cause your friends are!

LegacyUser

My question is, am i not normal for not having one night stands? all my friends do it, no problem and are always on to me as to why i dont.
confused

yes perfectly normal! But in saying that having the odd one night stand is also normal! I'm a girl, 25, and i've had a couple of one night stands, and while i don't agree with the opinion that having a one night stand is 'disgusting' and that sex has to be meaningful and with someone you love, theres a difference between the occasional one night stand, and constantly having one night stands. Sometimes sex is just sex, an itch to scratch, and ocassionaly (admittedly not always) it can be as good as sex in a relationship.

Recently i, shall we say 'fooled around' with a guy, who told me he had only ever had one night stands, and it did put me off having sex with him, but then i thought well maybe hes just never been lucky enough to have had a relationship, what else is he gona do? remain celibate until he finds the girl of his dreams...

Then theres the guys who've only ever had sex within a relationship, who i would be just as weary of having sex with because, sex for them is about 'love' and 'meaning' etc, which i'm not saying theres anything wrong with it but its just not always that simple..

So as a girl, ideally i'd like a guy who values 'relationship sex' but whos also had the odd one night stand, i'd find him more well rounded, but it depends on the girl, some girls find one night stands repulsive, each to their own, the issue here is not whats normal, but what you're comfortable with, if you want to have a one night stand well then have one, but don't do it because your friends pressure you to, i guarantee you if you do it will be a disaster. Theres nothing wrong with having a ONS and any girl worth bothering with will not care if you've had one, but equally theres nothing wrong with not having one either and any girl worth bothering with will not care if you haven't had one!

HavingCrack

There's no right or wrong when it come's to sex. You can't have sex with too many or too few people, it's just what you're comfortable with. If you want lots of one night stands, go for it but if you want to keep sex for a relationship go for that as well. Don't let other people tell you whats right and wrong.

Hope this helps

Wompa1

papajohns wrote: »

Hi, I am a 24 yr old male and i have never had a one night stand. I am considered to be decent looking and any girl i approach thinks that i am a player for some reason, i have no idea why. Infact i am extremly shy, have only had one girlfriend and she is the only girl i have slept with. My question is, am i not normal for not having one night stands? all my friends do it, no problem and are always on to me as to why i dont.
confused

I was similar to you. Then I decided to try it, I actually had made the choice that I didn't like the idea of them but then got a bit disillusioned as some of my ex's had been very experienced and I had also originally thought that girls were bing used for ONS but girls cavalier attitudes about it and the whole sexual empowerment made me figure why not. It was a mistake though, I had 2 and haven't had another one since. Theres something depressing about it to me!

princeofparma

You want more one night stands?

The most legendary womanisers in history - Casanova, Errol Flynn, John F. Kennedy and Warren Beatty - were men who genuinely adored women. They got to know them, really made friends with them and the sex was not the real point of what they did, although they did enjoy sleeping with hundreds and hundreds or in the case of Beatty - thousands of women.
You do not come across as a man who loves and adores women but rather a man who fears women. You come across as guilty, insecure, jealous and a little angry.
Fear, guilt, insecurity, jealousy and anger are not attractive to women.
Women are not a thing with breasts, an ass and a vagina that you stick your penis into.
Women are the full package, a person with a heart, dreams, emotions, insecurities and fears like you.
If you want to be a womaniser you have to cultivate your personality - you have to become romantic, friendly, caring, empathetic, funny, passionate and charismatic and absolutely fearless.
BUT you shouldn't transform yourself into a lady-killer just so you can have sex with lots of women.
Guys I know who are serial fornicators don't actually try to get women into bed. They simply do because they are naturally lovable, suave and are utterly at ease around women.
Women do not feel threatened and they relax and loosen their inhibitions.
However these guys also put their energy into their jobs, their friends, hobbies and other aspects of their life. They don't have a chart on their wall that tells them they must bed x number of women every week.

boarduser1980

papajohns wrote: »

Hi, I am a 24 yr old male and i have never had a one night stand. I am considered to be decent looking and any girl i approach thinks that i am a player for some reason, i have no idea why. Infact i am extremly shy, have only had one girlfriend and she is the only girl i have slept with. My question is, am i not normal for not having one night stands? all my friends do it, no problem and are always on to me as to why i dont.
confused

I would have more respect for a guy like you then i would for a guy who's slept around. and dont forget there is a risk of std's and unwanted pregnancies, condoms arent 100% safe and can split.
do what your comfortable with, your friends are only taking the piss to make themselves look macho

girvtheswerve

papajohns wrote: »

Hi, I am a 24 yr old male and i have never had a one night stand. I am considered to be decent looking and any girl i approach thinks that i am a player for some reason, i have no idea why. Infact i am extremly shy, have only had one girlfriend and she is the only girl i have slept with. My question is, am i not normal for not having one night stands? all my friends do it, no problem and are always on to me as to why i dont.
confused

If you're a shy sort of person chances are you wouldnt like a one night stand anyway? Just because some people like sleeping around doesnt mean that everyone is suited to it.

I would have no interest in it to be honest. Id prefer to be with someone I care about. Each to their own.

Princess Peach

For me not having a one night stand is an emotional thing too. I'm not the kind of girl who can sleep with someone for the fun of it and just forget about it the next day, I'm not stable enough for that. I know I would be waiting for his call for weeks to come and really upset about the rejection if you get me.

I guess it also depends if you think you can get with a girl who only wants it to be a sex thing and not let your feelings get involved.

[-0-]

I think one night stands are horrible and cheap. Any time I've had one I've felt awful afterwards, so I don't tend to do them.

I wouldn't worry about never having one.

If you can't kiss a girl on a night out and it's getting you down then that's something else altogether.

Dudess

So what if you haven't had a one night stand OP? They're not for everyone.

Wagon

horses for courses. Tell your mates to fúck off.

Sound Bite

Yes you are normal. Some people have one night stands, some dont. Its like everything else in life. There is no right or wrong, or normal.

All the matters, is whats right for you and what you are comfortable with.

You shouldnt feel any pressure or need to have a ONS because of your friends. Its none of their business.

If you want to have a ONS, do & if you don't, then don't...but let it be your choice & leave friends opinions out of it.

BraziliaNZ

I've had some great fun on one night stands, and some have led to relationships afterwards. Some people are relaxed about sex with strangers some ain't (see posters above). But it's not a necessity, I don't see why you should feel compelled to do it. It's nicer to meet someone that you have a good bond with and like a lot.

CDfm

OP not everyone has one nightstands but lots of people say they do. :cool:

BraziliaNZ

CDfm wrote: »

OP not everyone has one nightstands but lots of people say they do. :cool:

I for one dont know anyone who lies about their sexual conquests.

LegacyUser

just to give you another perspective, I met my girlfriend in my late teens, we married so I've only ever slept with one woman. Do I feel I've missed out on something? No, do I love my wife? yes, would I cheat on her? no..... you don't need to play the field in order to enjoy a healthy sex life and in my opinion maybe your friends are a little jealous of the relationship you're in, maybe they're just looking for a wingman for their next attempt at a meaningless conquest

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm a girl in her twenties who has only ever had sex within a relationship. I would definitely prefer if a potential partner hadn't regularly slept with random women in the past. I think it makes it all the more special if someone waits for a person they care about.

That said I may easily be in the minority and it's really not a big deal either way so do whatever YOU feel comfortable with! If the moment is right for a ONS then go for it and if not ,don't let your friends pressure you because there is no right choice!

Take care

CDfm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I for one dont know anyone who lies about their sexual conquests.

Gene Simmons claims 4,600 lovers

Ickle Magoo

Ok, can we keep things relevant and helpful to the OP please.

Thanks,

Ickle

CDfm

Sorry Ickle - my intention was just to say that some guys can exaggerate about their level of activity and number of one night stands and lots would like to be seen as a player.

princeofparma

One night stands are disapproved of by both men and women for the following reasons:

1. Most men have no idea how to convince a woman to have sex with them. If they do indeed have a one-night stand, they would have no idea how it happened or how to repeat the process with another woman they could meet the next night in another bar. Many men have only had sex with a handful of women other than their wife or current girlfriend and sex with their wife or girlfriend involves a combination of begging, bribery and booze. Therefore it annoys them that a minority of uninhibited men are able to have sex with women on any given night they go out. This is incredibly frustrating hence the moral disapproval.

2. Women are terrified that the man they are having sex with could be having sex with other women. They are delighted when a man they are sleeping with is much less sexually inexperienced than they are because it means he is less likely to be able to have regular sex with multiple women. Most woman takes incredible pains to make sure the man they have sex with is suitable husband material. Women have only a limited number of times in their lives they can conceive and have a child. That is why they are paranoid about sleeping with the wrong man.
Women who have sex with multiple men are called 'sluts' and men - players - who have sex with a string of women are advised not to tell their wife about their past when they settle down.

To sum up - it is far more fun to be a slut or a player.

Dudess

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Some people are relaxed about sex with strangers some ain't (see posters above).

Which posters above? I'm a poster above and if you're including me, I don't have an issue with one-night stands at all, and have done the ONS thing, but I was never that into it personally. I know though some people really enjoy it, and more power to them. Like any sexual preference, it's down to the individual and shouldn't be spoken of in terms of broad social trends.

princeofparma wrote: »

One night stands are disapproved of by both men and women for the following reasons:

1. Most men have no idea how to convince a woman to have sex with them. If they do indeed have a one-night stand, they would have no idea how it happened or how to repeat the process with another woman they could meet the next night in another bar. Many men have only had sex with a handful of women other than their wife or current girlfriend and sex with their wife or girlfriend involves a combination of begging, bribery and booze. Therefore it annoys them that a minority of uninhibited men are able to have sex with women on any given night they go out. This is incredibly frustrating hence the moral disapproval.

2. Women are terrified that the man they are having sex with could be having sex with other women. They are delighted when a man they are sleeping with is much less sexually inexperienced than they are because it means he is less likely to be able to have regular sex with multiple women. Most woman takes incredible pains to make sure the man they have sex with is suitable husband material. Women have only a limited number of times in their lives they can conceive and have a child. That is why they are paranoid about sleeping with the wrong man.

Unless you have powers of omniscience, it's really arrogant to assume such "facts" about people's private lives.

To sum up - it is far more fun to be a slut or a player.

For you. You're not everyone. Depends what the individual's preference is. I'm not into one-night stands because I much, much prefer sex with someone I care about (but, like anything, there can be exceptions - however it's rare for me personally).

Nevyn

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