too young??

cork2

Hey I just said id get the opinion of the boardsies on this one as me and my friends cant agree on it. I recently met a wonderful, nice, fun girl who i get on well with.Now im 20 where as she is just 17. Alot of my friends are saying shes too young for me whereas i dont think that matters as im not in it just looking for sex or anything.Id love to hear some opinions on age gaps?

IrishEyes19

cork2 wrote: »

Hey I just said id get the opinion of the boardsies on this one as me and my friends cant agree on it. I recently met a wonderful, nice, fun girl who i get on well with.Now im 20 where as she is just 17. Alot of my friends are saying shes too young for me whereas i dont think that matters as im not in it just looking for sex or anything.Id love to hear some opinions on age gaps?[/QUOTE

From a girls opinion, I suppose the most obvious objection to that would be her maturity, I presume she's possibly at only leaving cert at that age, stressful enough year already. And on terms of maturity her idea of a relationship might not be your idea of a relationship. Plus, not being 18 rules out late bars, clubs, a lot of the night scene you are familiar with. She might be fustrated if you're going out a lot and she can't join in on it because of her age. Just something you should think about. Unless your prepared to wait out the year if you see this going somewhere. Just a thought anyway.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think three years is a huge gap but the biggest difficulty is usually more to do with maturity and where you are in life. Do you mind that you might not get into pubs and clubs with her, or even doing things like going to the cinema to see an over 18 could potentially cause issues?

That aside, there is the point of where she currently lives - I presume it's still at home? Which brings the issue of her parents and why they think a 20 yr old is interested in a school girl. Now, that problem isn't insurmountable but you may just have accept that late nights and stay-overs are just not going to happen.

All in all, there are certainly lots of relationships with couples one a late teens and the other early twenties, if you feel strongly there is no reason why it can't work out but it's a lot of extra work and pressure for such a young couple and you have to weigh up the issues and work out if its really worth it.

Best of luck

HavingCrack

It certainly isn't a massive age gap by any means but it may be a big maturity gap. You're the only one who can know this however.

CDfm

I am a dad of a 17 year old girl and maybe biased. So your g/f is in school and presumably you are at college.

Now I know I would be a little uneasy with the gig but I would be interested in the maturity factor and life experience bit. Ist year in college and LC are not too far apart depending on the people.

So it does depend on the relationship and its intensity and a few factors.

That said you do seem fairly thoughtful and level headed.Ickle has a good handle on it.

The hard decision is usually the right one -Good luck.

cork2

CDfm wrote: »

I am a dad of a 17 year old girl and maybe biased. So your g/f is in school and presumably you are at college.

Now I know I would be a little uneasy with the gig but I would be interested in the maturity factor and life experience bit. Ist year in college and LC are not too far apart depending on the people.

So it does depend on the relationship and its intensity and a few factors.

That said you do seem fairly thoughtful and level headed.Ickle has a good handle on it.

The hard decision is usually the right one -Good luck.

Ya being honest its very understandable why youd be uneasy about it given the attitude of a lot of guys towards girls. Shes in 5th year in school and im a third year apprentice.

Rafcam

I don't think it's too much of an age gap. I was 17 when I started going out with my boyfriend and he was 20, like you. I was in 6th Year which did make seeing him a little difficult at times, and my parents didn't exactly have an open mind on the matter... But we made it through and to be perfectly honest I don't know how I would've survived the Leaving Cert without him. He was my rock and got me through all the stress of the year.

We've been going out over a year now and my parents are still not happy that I'm "tied down" at such a young age. Basically what I'm saying is that other people's opinions shouldn't matter. You shouldn't not be with this girl because your friends don't agree with it.

In my opinion age is only a number and if you like someone and get on well with them, something as insignificant as it shouldn't come between two people. People may disagree with what I've said but this is how I feel. Best of luck with it all. I hope it works out for you.

CDfm

cork2 wrote: »

Ya being honest its very understandable why youd be uneasy about it given the attitude of a lot of guys towards girls. Shes in 5th year in school and im a third year apprentice.

well I can understand your point of view too and no-one matches up for anyones kid

you will have to wait for a lot of things but see how you go

as i see it a fifth year in school does fifth year things etc

i am divorced married young etc and those few years made a difference in some ways and it depends on your vision for the future and i have seen it work out

magneticimpulse

Yeah i think its a big gap at that age. i presume she is only in 5th year, at the most 6th year. She should be still going to the cinema with her mates, not shagging a bloke in her school uniform.

when i was 20 i was already into my 4th year of college...even a 1st year in college was completely different...let alone a 5th year in secondary school.

sure its only 3 years and it would not make much difference if she was 21 and you were 24. but i think dating people who are still in secondary school is not good. let her concentrate on her leaving cert...not much of a job market at the moment and the less distractions for her the better. she has plenty of time to meet guys. you only live once, only go to school once and no point for her getting bogged down in a "serious" relationship at 17.

Rafcam

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Yeah i think its a big gap at that age. i presume she is only in 5th year, at the most 6th year. She should be still going to the cinema with her mates, not shagging a bloke in her school uniform.

sure its only 3 years and it would not make much difference if she was 21 and you were 24. but i think dating people who are still in secondary school is not good. let her concentrate on her leaving cert...not much of a job market at the moment and the less distractions for her the better. she has plenty of time to meet guys. you only live once, only go to school once and no point for her getting bogged down in a "serious" relationship at 17.

I disagree with you on this. First off, no one said anything about 'shagging' this girl as far as I remember. Just because he is 20, it doesn't necessarily mean that all he is thinking about is sex. And a lot girls are having sex a lot younger than 17 now too, not that I'm condoning it or anything!

Secondly, I when I did my Leaving Cert my boyfriend really helped and supported me through it. When I got bogged down with all the work, pressure and nagging with my parents I loved to be able to go over to his house for a few hours and to be able to forget about it all for a while.

However I do understand your point that he could be a distraction. I think it depends on the girl. I didn't let my bf be a distraction and kept up to date with my work. I guess it depends on maturity levels.

Moomoo1

Rafcam wrote: »

We've been going out over a year now and my parents are still not happy that I'm "tied down" at such a young age. Basically what I'm saying is that other people's opinions shouldn't matter.

that's quite ironic. Surely all parents would prefer their daughter to be in a stable relationship rather than going out and 'living the single life'?

@OP: if you look just 50-100 years back, teenage girls often went out with and married men in their 20's (and often older). So there's nothing inherently wrong with that, no biological or psychological reason for it to be bad. It's just how our society of today defines what's normal: but we are all individuals, we don't have to conform to what other people think is the mode du jour...

Rafcam

Moomoo1 wrote: »

that's quite ironic. Surely all parents would prefer their daughter to be in a stable relationship rather than going out and 'living the single life'?

@OP: if you look just 50-100 years back, teenage girls often went out with and married men in their 20's (and often older). So there's nothing inherently wrong with that, no biological or psychological reason for it to be bad. It's just how our society of today defines what's normal: but we are all individuals, we don't have to conform to what other people think is the mode du jour...

Yeah, you would think so but my mother (even though she may have had a few to drink at the time) has actually suggested I should cheat on him and "play the field".

And as for your opinion on conforming to what other people think, I completely agree with you!

Moomoo1

Rafcam wrote: »

Yeah, you would think so but my mother (even though she may have had a few to drink at the time) has actually suggested I should cheat on him and "play the field".

wow. No wonder teen pregnancies are on the rise if even the parents encourage it...

Rafcam

Moomoo1 wrote: »

wow. No wonder teen pregnancies are on the rise if even the parents encourage it...

I know, right?! Silly parents! It's been a year now and they're still trying to break us up.

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.
Please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter and abide by them.
Many thanks.
Ickle

cork2

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Yeah i think its a big gap at that age. i presume she is only in 5th year, at the most 6th year. She should be still going to the cinema with her mates, not shagging a bloke in her school uniform.

when i was 20 i was already into my 4th year of college...even a 1st year in college was completely different...let alone a 5th year in secondary school.

sure its only 3 years and it would not make much difference if she was 21 and you were 24. but i think dating people who are still in secondary school is not good. let her concentrate on her leaving cert...not much of a job market at the moment and the less distractions for her the better. she has plenty of time to meet guys. you only live once, only go to school once and no point for her getting bogged down in a "serious" relationship at 17.

Sorry but if you read the original post youd see i specifically said i wasnt looking for sex. If this girl said she wasnt ready for sex and wouldnt be for the foreseeable future it wouldnt put me off in the slightest. As for exams ya that maybe a problem in the future but i still think its worth a shot.

magneticimpulse

That wasnt my point. I was stating that someone in college or of college age would have more in common who is at that stage of their life then with someone who is still afterall only a kid at school! I was pointing out that your only a kid once and go to school once and you should let her enjoy that, as by next year she wont have that anymore.

Can you not just find someone at the same level as you, or wait til she at least finishes school?

Rafcam

cork2 wrote: »

As for exams ya that maybe a problem in the future but i still think its worth a shot.

Well I think that's your answer: "I still think it's worth a shot".
If you think so then go for it. It's your life and you shouldn't be scared about doing things for fear other people won't agree with it.

Moomoo1

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Can you not just find someone at the same level as you, or wait til she at least finishes school?

but he loves her, not someone else?

as for 'stages', they are just artificial constructions by society in an attempt to force everyone into one single solid straightjacket of 'how one should behave when'. There is nothing natural or logical about them, and if she feels that a serious LTR is right for her at 17, then it is right. Single life can always wait, it won't run away.

cork2

hey thanks guys! boards is always a great place to get advice.

tenchi-fan

cork2 wrote: »

Hey I just said id get the opinion of the boardsies on this one as me and my friends cant agree on it. I recently met a wonderful, nice, fun girl who i get on well with.Now im 20 where as she is just 17. Alot of my friends are saying shes too young for me whereas i dont think that matters as im not in it just looking for sex or anything.Id love to hear some opinions on age gaps?

nah. there's very little in the difference to be honest.

magneticimpulse

i remember when i was 17 and i brought a 19 year old guy to the debs...everyone thought, whos your one with the baldy auld fella...seriously i was mortified to be with someone who was so old. and that was only a 2 year age gap. needless to say i never met up with him again. at that age it was a huge deal!!

LegacyUser

Would you happen to be from the country magneticimpulse? In South County Dublin in the leafy suburbs of middle class and private schools its not uncommon for 21 year olds to go debs and this would be seen as cool. atm its a trand here hot girls would hang around with 20/21/22 year olds and nobody bats an eyelid but of course this is in south dublin.

magneticimpulse

yesiknow wrote: »

Would you happen to be from the country magneticimpulse? In South County Dublin in the leafy suburbs of middle class and private schools its not uncommon for 21 year olds to go debs and this would be seen as cool. atm its a trand here hot girls would hang around with 20/21/22 year olds and nobody bats an eyelid but of course this is in south dublin.

No Im from Dublin. I know the 21 year olds your talking about...hey one was my brother and this stuck up 17 year old dumped him after her debs. Much to our families delight...she acted like she was 40 and not a 17 year old. Im so looking forward to my brother meeting a normal girl and not one of these stuck up snobby ones who give the majority of dublin girls a bad name for their Paris Hilton high maintenence drama queen behaviour.

Ickle Magoo

Please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

Many thanks.
Ickle

lil'bug

i was 17 when i started going out with my oh he was 30 at the time
if there is a spark between you both, go for it 3 years is nothing
i'm with my oh 10 years now and we are very happy
good luck

magneticimpulse

lil'bug wrote: »

i was 17 when i started going out with my oh he was 30 at the time
if there is a spark between you both, go for it 3 years is nothing
i'm with my oh 10 years now and we are very happy
good luck

im glad your happy and it worked out for you...but my, a 30 year old going after a 17 year old :eek: thats really pervy...urgh
ok the age gap might not be so evident now being 27 and 40 for him...but still. i suppose courses for horses, each to their own and all that jazz.

Moomoo1

magneticimpulse wrote: »

im glad your happy and it worked out for you...but my, a 30 year old going after a 17 year old :eek: thats really pervy...urgh
ok the age gap might not be so evident now being 27 and 40 for him...but still. i suppose courses for horses, each to their own and all that jazz.

It's not pervy. As I've already said, in many countries (and in this one until just a few decades ago) it's considered normal, maybe even the norm, for the man in the relationship to be significantly older than the woman.

lil'bug

magneticimpulse wrote: »

im glad your happy and it worked out for you...but my, a 30 year old going after a 17 year old :eek: thats really pervy...urgh
ok the age gap might not be so evident now being 27 and 40 for him...but still. i suppose courses for horses, each to their own and all that jazz.

FYI i did the chasing

Ickle Magoo

magneticimpulse, read the charter with regards to what constitutes civil and helpful posting. Everyone else, can we keep it on topic and relevant to the OP's situation please.