Moving into a houseshare with IBS

LegacyUser

I'll be moving into a houseshare soon for the first time in a few weeks (I'm a student, the other people are young professionals), I have IBS which is a constant source of embarrassment. Basically, there'll be four of us sharing the bathroom and I have to use it several times in the morning, literally have to. It's vile, I know, and it's putting me off moving out. I can't afford an en-suite room, but it's nerve-wracking having to share a bathroom with three other people when I have these, em, issues. I want to maintain some sort of dignity

I'm not looking for medical advice or anything, I just want to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation? I mean, what should I do? I can't just hog the bathroom for ages every morning and expect them to be okay with it, or the the, eh, odour afterwards. This is disguisting, I know, but I really need some advice. I can't live at home forever! I mean, if you were sharing a house with someone with this issue how badly would it bother you?

LegacyUser

I really feel for your situation, the student house I had last year had one bathroom upstairs and one downstairs, under the stairs. Would it be possible to find a place like this where you could explain your condition to your housemates and maybe you could just use one of them. I think the main thing is to explain to your housemates, just to avoid confrontation in case anyone has to be up very early, so they understand you're not being selfish. Also speak to your college SU where you might be able to avail to Student Assistance Fund to be able to afford on campus accommodation which often has an ensuite

coolcat63

Very difficult situation. Have you let them know beforehand that you have a problem? If not then you should and if they think it's unworkable from a practical point of view then you need to think again. Smells can be disguised by any number of chemicals but time in a communal bathroom is tricky. Is it likely they'll be gone in the morning before you get up?

Darlughda

Gosh, you poor thing that must be really hard.

Are you in any way able to afford an ensuite? There are some good deals going at the moment and sharing a communal bathroom with that number of people who are all looking for the bathroom at the same time every day really is not suitable for you tbh.

Unless its a situation of where they will all be gone before you are there, then it might be workable?

LegacyUser

Nope, they don't know. There's no way I could tell them. My timetable is a bit varied so some mornings they'll probably leave before me, but that's not a certainty. An en-suite room just wouldn't be financially possible, I've tried I really want to move out, give it a go, but this is an unavoidable obstacle for me. Coolcat, what advice would you have about, em, disguising smells?

the_monkey

My advice would be not to tell them, people can be very insensitive.

As for the IBS, must be a nightmare , I guess you can get some Candles that would neutralise the smell quickly, you could even use matches ?

LegacyUser

OP, I was literally about to start the very same thread. I too suffer from IBS and am absolutely dreading having to share a bathroom with other people starting next month. I've had my own en suite for the last 5 years and honestly, I really need one, but won't be able to afford one anymore. The reason I'm moving is to start a very prestigious internship in Paris but I've considered turning it down because of this - but any time I mention turning it down, people think I'm crazy. They don't realise how truly mortifying this is. Frankly, the smell of my business is revolting and as a female it makes me feel disgusting and unfeminine. I've been in work and had people go 'God the bathroom smells like something died in there' after I'd been in. I do spray air freshener but it doesn't help much.

I don't really have much to offer in the way of advice but please don't feel alone. This is actually destroying my life. I am still considering turning down the internship and signing on the dole at home so I can keep my own bathroom. The worst thing is is that people are so unsympathetic and not understanding about IBS. People always say to me 'stop eating stuff that makes your tummy bad' but it's literally everything! Everything from wheat to dairy to fruit to potatoes to rice. I haven't had one meal in about 7 years which hasn't resulted in diarrhea and severe pain.

LegacyUser

this could help, i have heard it works.

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Drop-Natural-Toilet-Neutralizer/dp/B0019SPNQ8/ref=pd_sbs_k_1

Monkey61

I think you should definitely tell them...why would you want to live with the sort of jackass who would be insensitive about a medical condition.

Now I don't know how much time you spend in the bathroom in the morning, but if it is actually an awful lot, then you need to reconsider this houseshare as it isn't fair on either you or your housemates to be greatly inconvenienced. Also, even without the IBS, I wouldn't consider living in a house with only one toilet for 4 people - that sounds like a nightmare anyway.

I think your best bet is houseshare with two bathrooms. It is a shame that you can't afford an en-suite, but loads of houses are going to at least have an extra toilet (I think, I have always found this to be the case living in the UK, not sure if it is the same in Ireland).

Sauve

Just to back up the point another poster made about the matches - they really do work wonders. Another thing that is really helpful is a thing called 'limone'. It's an ostomy deodorant spray that people with ostomy bags use, but it's absolutely fantastic at getting rid of smells. Should be able to get it from chemists but not sure how much it costs.
Good luck OP

Shelli2

OP, i'm realy sorry to about your illness. But you really need to tell them before you move in, if they are insensitive a**holes about it when you tell them then they're not the type of people you want to live with. Imagine how bad it could be if you move in and they are jerks about at that stage?

Also, it's only fair on them to let them know that you need more time in the bathroom and to be able to sit down and maybe work out some sort of timetable, like letting them know your college schedule maybe? They are going to be put out by your illness too.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I have friends with IBS, I know how hard it can be to live with, but I'd rather know what I was getting into if I agreed to live with them. I'd have no problem sitting down and working something out, but I'd be really angry if 1mth down the line and I was sitting waiting on the bathroom everymorning, not being aware of any problem, just assuming that my house mate was selfish and hogging the bathroom!

The smell wouldn't be an issue IMO. That's easily sorted, windows, matches, air freshner etc. It's the time issue, and for both parties involved it needs to be spoken about. You don't need to go into the details, just say to them that you have a medical condition that means you need extra time in the bathroom, it could mean shower, using the sink anything.

I hope everything works out for you.

LegacyUser

Hi op, i had a similar problem when i was going to uni and through a mess up in their admin end they gave my en suite room away. I stopped at nothing and threatened them with legal action as there was a contract in place and i have a disability. Well they put me in a wheelchair accessible room which had its own bathroom

In short you said you cant get an en suite room what about one in university accommodation? It should not cost extra if you have a genuine disability

Hope it helps

LegacyUser

soembarrassed wrote: »

Frankly, the smell of my business is revolting and as a female it makes me feel disgusting and unfeminine. I've been in work and had people go 'God the bathroom smells like something died in there' after I'd been in. I do spray air freshener but it doesn't help much.

I don't really have much to offer in the way of advice but please don't feel alone. This is actually destroying my life. I am still considering turning down the internship and signing on the dole at home so I can keep my own bathroom. The worst thing is is that people are so unsympathetic and not understanding about IBS. People always say to me 'stop eating stuff that makes your tummy bad' but it's literally everything! Everything from wheat to dairy to fruit to potatoes to rice. I haven't had one meal in about 7 years which hasn't resulted in diarrhea and severe pain.

I feel the same way! I'm a girl too, I'm very feminine and it would just be too mortifying to tell them.

It's not that I'll be in the toilet for hours, but I very frequently have to use it in the morning so I'll be in there a lot, but, ugh, not for one long period of time. I have to use it a lot, but not all in one go. And whats this about matches? As in I should light a match or something and that will get rid of the smell? And air freshener doesn't really work, at least not for me. I've cringed so much while writing this paragraph!

me_too

me_too wrote: »

Hi op, i had a similar problem when i was going to uni and through a mess up in their admin end they gave my en suite room away. I stopped at nothing and threatened them with legal action as there was a contract in place and i have a disability. Well they put me in a wheelchair accessible room which had its own bathroom

In short you said you cant get an en suite room what about one in university accommodation? It should not cost extra if you have a genuine disability

Hope it helps

IBS is not considered a disability by the vast majority of people/doctors and I say this as someone who has suffered horribly for 8 years. It is very inconvenient and can be embarrassing but I don't think it's right to call it a disability. You just can't compare needing to poo more than usual and having diarrhea/constipation every day to someone who can't access a normal bathroom because of a wheelchair. I'm often in hospital for other issues and most doctors don't even class IBS as a significant health problem. Lots of people have all kinds of issues which mean they need to spend a bit of time in the bathroom. It's just unfortunate. You can't ask for special allowances for every last thing. If OP can't afford an en suite, they'll just have to find a way to cope with a shared bathroom. Personally, I would advise finding a house with a separate toilet - that way, people can still shower and brush teeth etc in the main bathroom and that takes away most of the problem.

dashboard_hula

Hey OP,

I have IBS too and it's the most horrible thing in the world to have to deal with in the morning amongst strangers. I really feel for you It took me weeks to tell my OH when I moved in with him, the poor guy thought I had combination food poisoning and stomach flu on a permanent basis.

Couple of practical things:

1. Does the bathroom have a window? If it does, then the minute you get up in the morning, open it and leave it open. It'll help with the smell. Even if someone closes it later, keep on opening it unless you're asked to stop. If it's an apartment with a bathroom with no window, then you seriously need to reconsider. Extractor fans are shag-all use.

2. I would tell your housemates. I'd be honest, and straight up. Say "Look, it's like this. I have IBS. I manage it as best I can, however the symptoms flare up in the mornings. I will do my best to accomodate yourselves, however sometimes there will be a knock on the door from me. I apologise in advance, and if there's anything you can suggest to make it easier for all of us, please tell me"

3. If there's girls there, tell them first. I have never met a girl who hasn't experienced a case of "omg omg, get out get out GET OUT" while standing in front of a bathroom door at least once during her life, and I think they'll understand.

I know you've said that you try to avoid foods that make it flare up, and God knows I know it's excruciatingly painful and really hard to manage, but at this point would you consider visiting your doctor to talk about some medication, a more proactive way of handling it? It might help, never know.

The very best of luck to you, and don't worry about what people think. It's a medical condition, and it has to be dealt with. I'd rather 2 embarassing minutes of disclosure than a year of being bent double behind your bedroom door in tears.

LegacyUser

OP - I get that IBS sucks, I have my own issues. I really don't think this arrangement will work - it just isn't fair to anyone. 4 people sharing a bathroom is a lot. Roommates being understanding doesn't mean they aren't getting to get frustrated, irritated and annoyed that they can't get into the bathroom in the morning. It isn't a matter of being a jackass - it is simply that even those without IBS need to use the bathroom in the morning, to go, to shower to brush teeth etc... It is a matter of logistics. Your roommates can't be expected to get up hours early, or hold it in or not shower to work around your IBS. You need either a house with 2 bathrooms, an ensuite or only one roommate.

CathyMoran

OP, I do feel very sorry for you but it really would be better if you got a place with your own toilet. My husband has crohns and it was tough enough sharing a bathroom with him when there were just the two of us - when he has to go he really has to go. Now he has his own bathroom and I have mine. In terms of odours he uses very good air freshners and in the past used a lot of candles (not any more), normally I do not notice the odour though I hate to see him in pain.

kjl

OP, I have IBS too

I never feel symptoms any more due to massive change in diet

You need to cut out all the triggers, which include

- sugar
- refined carbs
- saturated fat
- hard nuts

avoid red meat, any milk but skimmed, and make sure you eat a lot of fibre and vegetables. A bowl of vegetables with every meal except breakfast.


I know you think, well his probably isn't as bas as mine, but I can assure you it was. Before I radically changed my diet, I used to get pains so bad that I would actually vomit and pass out. Now occasionally I feel a slight twinge in my bowels, but nothing as bad as it used to be.

I would also recommend at least 30min to 1 hour a day of intents physical workout, like running or cycling or swimming.

LegacyUser

Hey OP I really, really feel for you. I've been suffering badly from IBS for a long time now, I know there are different types and I seem to have pain predominant IBS. For me it comes and goes so maybe one to three times a week I'll have an attack, not triggered by anything specific or any particular foods, I have had sensitivity tests done and monitored my diet myself with no luck. When I get an attack I might have to spend anywhere from 20 - 45 minutes in the bathroom, and even after that I might need to go back again a while later for a similar length of time. Basically with all that - if your pattern is anything similar to me and I know all IBS sufferers are different - I think it would be very very hard in a house share with one bathroom. Even with my OH who knew of my problem it could still be awkward if he wanted to use the bathroom and I was mid attack.

Either way, as awkward as it is you definitely need to discuss it with your new housemates beforehand or they will probably think you are just being rude and selfish hogging the bathroom. Just be prepared that a lot of people don't understand / believe in IBS.

LegacyUser

If finding alternative accommodation or affording an ensuite room really isn't an option available to you, maybe consider a portable toilet in your own bedroom.

They are quite compact and aren't that expensive. Ensure there is a lock on your bedroom door and you could use this in private for the emergency instances when other people are in the bathroom. ( google: thetford porta potti )

http://www.thetford.com/Home/Products/PortableToilets/PortaPotti135Marine/tabid/96/Default.aspx

Fittle

I've a family member with severe colitis, which sounds similar to what you suffer with OP, he's in the loo for a couple of hours each morning, so I really sympathise with you.

Firstly, I don't think you can move into that house without first telling those people your issue. You are being very unfair to them - sorry if that's harsh, but I've lived in house shares, and hogging the bathroom in the mornings when others are going to work or college, is a serious no-no, even if it's down to a medical condition. You really have to take your housemates into consideration here.

Secondly, how tight is your budget and where are you moving to (just generally?). I will bet my bottom dollar that if you tell us that, someone on boards will find you a room online, with an ensuite that you can afford. The difference in price is not huge - I've just had a look on daft. Some rooms with ensuite are 40euro a month dearer than those with none. That's 10euro a week OP - surely that's manageable????????

I just found this for example...http://www.daft.ie/searchsharing.daft?id=587508

There's 9euro per week in the difference between a double room with an ensuite, and a double room with no ensuite.

d.anthony

Hi OP, I know you've probably been back and forth to doctors a lot but just wondering if you have tried Norimode? I suffered badly from IBS for a while and tried everything, eventually my doc prescribed Norimode and it has worked wonders for me.

neuro-praxis

Your life would be vastly simplified if you had your own toilet.

I suggest rejigging your budget, or considering a way to get an extra €50-100 a month in income. This would not be impossible, and would enable you to get that en-suite room. Even babysitting could achieve this.

Perhaps you could ask a friend or relative to help financially with this, offering to pay them back after college. Or get a small loan from the credit union?

These things can be overcome.

LegacyUser

I do think that you need to tell your housemates. You might find that they're willing to be very accommodating (if so, great!) otherwise if they're not, you need to find somewhere else to live but you're better off knowing this now rather than after you move in and they're banging down the bathroom door.


As an aside, both of my parents suffer from IBS and here are the things that greatly improve (with my mother practically eliminate) their symptoms:

1. Drink a glass of warm water first thing in the morning. This will wake up your system very gently as it's only water and it's neither hot nor cold so there's very little that can irritate your system.

2. AVOID: Coffee, milk products, fatty foods (especially those deep fried in oil)
These are all hard to digest as is, without adding IBS into the equation.

3. Be careful of (and work out if you need to avoid): orange juice, cucumber, onion, tomatoes, anything with a lot of seeds in it, curry, chilli pepper

4. Eat regular, healthy meals and have a healthy snack about halfway between each meal.

5. Talk to your doctor about medication. There are a variety of medications available at little cost that can greatly improve your quality of life.


OP, you don't really need to be suffering this badly. If you are it means your doctors are failing you so far and need to keep working to get you a better quality of life. Of everything please try the glass of warm water in the morning.

The_Conductor

I've got Crohn's- and to be honest with you- living in a house with 4 others when you *need* to use the loo several times in the morning, is simply not going to work. I'm in terror of not being able to get to a bathroom at any stage- I bring spare underwear with me everywhere, and organise work etc- so I always have access to a toilet whenever I need it.......

You either need to find the money somehow for an en-suite, or not move out of home- living in a house with 4 others is not going to work- its not fair on either you, or on the other 4........

Regarding odour management- you can get professional air freshners- Selden a UK company do a range called 'Blast'- which is quite startling (and dangerous if you use it in an enclosed space). I've tried lots of different things- but 'Blast' products are simply in a category of their own. Matches, candles and regular airfreshners- pale into insignificance in comparison to some of the professional cleaning products.....

Its tough- but you really wouldn't be fair to either yourself or anyone else- trying to share a bathroom with 4 others- it simply wouldn't work.......

LegacyUser

sorry if this is a bit graphic but...flush immediately before wiping...helps prevent a lot of smell. get a good airfreshner spray. if you have ibs i presume you have been diagnosed after a colonoscopy/endoscopy as it has the some of the same symptoms as coeliac or crohns and colitis etc i myself thought i had ibs but years later and after these tests turns out i am coeliac. gudluck

LegacyUser

OP,

Really feel for you on this one as I have lived with UC for the past 15 years, done the college thing and shared a house with people who when told where very very understanding. But I cant help feeling that you should be recieving some form of medical treatment if you are stuck in the toilet in the morning (I have to have 2 visits even on a very good morning). I would advise you however to get a scope done, get the most suitable form of treatment sorted and enjoy your life....

All the best