abrupt end of long term relationship- need help

sillyruby

long story short my boyfriend of a number of years broke up with me. And its killing me, i never saw it coming. After staying over at mine we were eating breakfast and he just says he feels things have changed and its over. Said he was sorry(and said no one else is involved) and walked out. There were no arguments previously to this, he was affectionate and telling me loved me up to the previous night. I just cant make sense of it, i rang him that night and he agreed to a break but we were to have no contact during it. Even the days before he agreed he'd go to family dinner and birthday, and booked room away for us next month.


any advice would be helpful, iv had no contact since but so miserable

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

On thing that strikes me is that your boyfriend/ex seems to be calling all the shots here - I don't think being a loving boyfriend making plans for the future one day and calling it a day at breakfast after a night together is on - regardless of what he's said about contact I think he owes you an explanation after several years together of what on earth is going on - and why the night before he had no qualms which appeared by morning because that doesn't show him in a particularly pleasant light.

If you ask for an explanation and why the sudden change of heart and he refuses to discuss what the issues have been then I think you have to accept he may not have been the guy you thought he was. Have you told friends and family about the break up? Sometimes they are your best barometer regarding what partners are really like even when we're blind to it.

Best of luck

Miss Fluff

I'm so sorry for your loss. Am sure it is a massive shock for you.

The best thing to do to get some perspective and work through this is to adhere to the no-contact suggestion of his. It avoids additional hurt and confusion and stops lines being blurred. All to often, couples who break-up continue sleeping with one another or automatically trying to be "friends" which is an impossible dynamic to try enforce after the heartbreak of a break-up.

Surround yourself with family/friends/loved ones and keep yourself as busy as possible. You will get through this but you need to recognise that you have had a shock and that it will take time. You'll come out at the other end stronger though.

Hugs x

sillyruby

im very hurt and want some answers but he also said no contact. At this stage i dont know if i even want to be with him as i never thought he would treat me this way. His behaviour is totally out of character, the only thing i sensed was off was he was bit quieter than usual but he gets like that when he has tough week at work. Friends and family know and are as bewildered as me the day before he broke up with me he spent the day at my parents place.

Ickle Magoo

If he was quieter than usual then he may well have been working himself up to saying something. In that case, I'd just leave him be - as much for your own sake as to respect his request and try to come to terms with it. I agree with Miss Fluff that surrounding yourself with friends and family and trying to keep busy while making sure to look after yourself and giving yourself plenty of TLC and time is the way forward.

IrishEyes19

OP, how long has it been since you were on a break, if I were you Id leave this no longer than a month as pervious posters above me has said, he's calling all the shots. And from one experience of mine, a break often gives a guy a coward way out of saying goodbye directly, so I would be very careful on this one.

whatsamsn

Sorry op but first of all you must realise agreeing to a break - was because you didnt take the breakup to well. There is no break. He even said no contact. Sorry for being the harsh one to say that.


I dont think anyone can give you insite to what is on his mind.
He ended it out of no where. Its 100% certain that he was building up to it.
It could be the relationship is over in his mind. Wanting to breakup rather than eventually cheating...

All I can say, what other users have said. Is to surround yourself with friends and family. And realise there is no break.

Sorry op.