Is this typical of women?

Nadaur

the same thing has happened to me with the last 3 ladies Ive met...can anyone tell me is this typical or what?

So it goes Boy meets girl...twist and turns...swings and roundabouts.....hilarity ensues....followed by talking..followed by those hideously nerve-wracking 'proper first dates'..full of what your like and what you like....interests, hobbies, passions, fears, silly self deprecating stories, family background...all that Jazz!

I have 2 sons...one of whom has special needs, I'm open and honest about my kids and our lives and Im an active, involved parent....then after great nights out over a month or two....all of a sudden my children..and the time I spend with them (joint custody thank god), begins to be a cause for complaint for the lady...is it immaturity? jealousy?cruelty?lack of understanding?lack of interest?



seriously I just don't know....says he in a very confused and generally baffled way!

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to RI.

Nadaur

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seenitall

No, it isn't typical of just women. Single mothers have it as tough, if not tougher than that when it comes to dating and meeting someone compatible, as they are in general the ones who have their children full time, and that doesn't seem to appeal to men. As far as I am concerned (as a single mother), you can consider yourself lucky to even get a month or two of dating in.

Sorry, just speaking from experience.

whatsamsn

Well its either one or two things...

1, you are spending more time with your kids that you realise. One is special needs which can be understood tho.

or

2, "spending too much time with your kids" - a flat out excuse to end things.
Im sorry to hear about your special needs child but I personally think alot of people wouldnt want to get involved with someone who (A) has children from another relationship and (B) A child who is special needs. You know how people are.



I personally wouldnt be suprised to hear that having a special needs child was the actual reason why these 3 women broke up with you. You say you're open about your kids (rightfully so best to be honest) But i'd put money down that upon you telling them that, they immediately thought that dating you wont go far... and dare i say, used you for a month or two. With no intention of it ever going anywhere.

Kiera

Depends how old she is i think. I went out with a guy when i was about 22/23 who had a kid and he had her every Saturday and Sunday which i wasnt into as i wasnt his number 1.

I'm different now that i'm 30 as a lot of guys i meet now have kids so i actually dont mind that cause it means i go out with the girls at the weekends and spend week nights with him.

I guess you could call it a selffish thing?

Nadaur

seenitall wrote: »

No, it isn't typical of just women. Single mothers have it as tough, if not tougher than that when it comes to dating and meeting someone compatible, as they are in general the ones who have their children full time, and that doesn't seem to appeal to men. As far as I am concerned (as a single mother), you can consider yourself lucky to even get a month or two of dating in.

Sorry, just speaking from experience.

I fail to see how a single mother can have it tougher than a single father generalities are not truisms...could you elaborate

whatsamsn wrote: »

I personally wouldnt be suprised to hear that having a special needs child was the actual reason why these 3 women broke up with you. You say you're open about your kids (rightfully so best to be honest) But i'd put money down that upon you telling them that, they immediately thought that dating you wont go far... and dare i say, used you for a month or two. With no intention of it ever going anywhere.

I never said these 3 women broke up with me...however how you phased some of your post goes a way to answering my original question...thank you for your honesty

Moomoo1

whatsamsn wrote: »

I personally wouldnt be suprised to hear that having a special needs child was the actual reason why these 3 women broke up with you. You say you're open about your kids (rightfully so best to be honest) But i'd put money down that upon you telling them that, they immediately thought that dating you wont go far... and dare i say, used you for a month or two. With no intention of it ever going anywhere.

just to add that if they thought that then they probably weren't worth going out with in the first place. You presumably want someone who will stick with you through the thin as well as the thick.

Nadaur

of course...who doesn't...? good point well made

darad

Sounds like youre choosing the wrong women, glad to see your children come first with you. Stick by your kids and I hope you will meet someone you consider good enough to introduce to them at some stage in the future

redstar6

Going out with someone with kids when you have no kids takes a hell of alot of sacarifice and patience. Some people just don't have it in them.

Ickle Magoo

First of all, I don't think it's got anything to do with gender, I think it's fairly typical of people.

Some people don't want to come second to their partners kids, don't want the added responsibilities or inherent difficulties that dating someone with kids brings, some want someone to experience the whole pregnancy and kids thing for the first time.

It takes work to juggle a relationship and kids and find a good balance at the best of times, when the kids don't belong to one of the parties in the relationship then that brings a whole raft of issues that some people don't want to work through or compromise on. Like all relationships, it's about finding the right person for you & your circumstances and accepting that those who think dating a single dad or father of a child with special needs won't make any difference out-number those who know the reality of it.

Best of luck.

AnnyHallsal

To answer the title of your post, no it isn't "typical of women." Many men would respond similarly. As some posters have mentioned, age and maturity would certainly be factors in how people react to the situation. It is probably a deterrent for some people but it won't be for the right person.

Cheap Thrills!

OP had any of these women kids themselves?

Nadaur

thanks for all the replies....and there have been valid points made in most, if not all.....I DO understand that I may be somewhat atypical amongst some of my male peers by seeking and having an active role in my childrens lives, (however I must say that I think the vast majority of men would be the same....amongst the chattering classes truely a case of no news travels like bad news imho :mad:)....so I think I can put my experiences over the last few months down to bad choices and a bad run........now where does one go to meet people with humanity? If I can answer that I'll make a fortune!;)

seenitall

Nadaur wrote: »

I fail to see how a single mother can have it tougher than a single father generalities are not truisms...could you elaborate

I thought I elaborated quite enough when I said "as they are in general the ones who have their children full time, and that doesn't seem to appeal to men." ??

Fair play to you on joint custody and all, but the reality is that children from divorced marriages generally stay with their mothers full time and are with their fathers only part time, therefore more time for fathers to dedicte to themselves, cultivate new relationships, have fun, etc.

I am not giving out about this either, as a mother I can barely imagine my little one not living with me full time. I am just saying it has its downsides when compared to most single fathers.

Ickle Magoo

This thread wasn't started to discuss the issues of other parents, please keep replies helpful and relevant to the OP.

Many thanks

Ickle

LegacyUser

I dont think it is jealousy or anything sinister I just think it is difficult to have any relationship witha person when they are coming with several others also. It all sounds ok to start off with but after a while it is like you have ot consider people who are nothing to you before oyu can do things yourself.
I did this once and never again, kids to me is a total dealbreaker........I never realised how tough it was until I was in the situation.

Nadaur

tinybluebell wrote: »

I dont think it is jealousy or anything sinister I just think it is difficult to have any relationship witha person when they are coming with several others also. It all sounds ok to start off with but after a while it is like you have ot consider people who are nothing to you before oyu can do things yourself.
I did this once and never again, kids to me is a total dealbreaker........I never realised how tough it was until I was in the situation.

your honesty is appreciated...thanks.....

seenitall

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

This thread wasn't started to discuss the issues of other parents, please keep replies helpful and relevant to the OP.

Many thanks

Ickle

Well I was asked a direct question by the OP himself - namely to elaborate on my earlier post, so I fail to see how answering his own question is not "helpful and relevant to the OP."

Many thanks

seenitall

Ickle Magoo

As per the forum rules, any problems with the moderators then feel free to PM us or take it to one of the CMods rather than derailing the thread further.

Many thanks

Ickle