Worried about mother

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

Il try keep this as short as possible and too the point.

Over the last year and a half my mam has become a very awkward and fustrating person to live with. When we were younger our house was always clean, my mam would clean it from tip to toe on a monday morning and that was it for the week regarding big cleaning, which I think is normal in a household. But over the last year and a half its been getting worse and worse. Its now at a stage where its a big clean up every other day. Even as I type this I can hear her across the hall cleaning the toilet, she done this two days ago.

She might ask me to hoover while she is at work, but the minute she comes home she just does it again. It causes so many arguments and she cant see that she has a problem. I cant use a glass without using a coaster, if i use the toilet after she cleans it she sreams at me, if I walk through the front room after she mops it, she goes bannanas. Its like living in a very very clean prison.

Now I should add that I talked to my Dad about it loads of times and recently he told me she could be goin through the menopause and that I should give her some room. I dont know enough about the menopause to fully understand it and its effects so if someone my age has gone through the same maybe a bit of advice on how to handle it would be greatly appretiated.

Im 21 and in maybe a year will be leaving anyway, but its for my younger brother and sister aswell cause they get the brunt of it most of the time.

Thanks for your help.

coolcat63

It sounds like OCD which can become a very debilitating illness for both the sufferer and those around them. Has your mum acknowledged that her cleaning regime is OTT? It might be worth your dad having a chat with the family G.P. (if she won't go herself) to get some advice on both OCD and managing the menopause.

Squiggler

My Mum became pretty obsessive/irrational about things when she was going through the menopause. And she did become very controlling and impossible to please.

She was a completely different person from the Mother we'd known. I was about your age when it first started, OP, and I did some research. Menopause affects individual women in different ways, for some the symptoms are mostly physical, for others they are psychological and there can be major behavioural changes.

I had already left home, but my siblings found that the only way to deal with it was to try to stay out of her way as much as possible. Helping her, or trying to, was worse than not, as no matter what they did they were wrong. My Dad did try to talk to Mum about it, and we all made an effort to be patient and supportive, listen to her rants and try to remember that she just wasn't herself.

Your Dad should really talk to her, and find out for certain what is going on.

It does get better, good luck.

dan_d

My aunt went through something similar, and I've a suspicion my mother is at the same thing, though it's manifesting in a different way.

Nothing was ever good enough or done well enough, everything had to be done straight away, a speck of dust would cause WW3.In my mother's case, the baby of the family has just finished school and my mam is freaking out over the rest of her life, and what she'll do along with talking about being a failure as a parent (for no apparent reason) flies off the handle about little things, etc,etc,etc.....:rolleyes:

Your dad should probably have a word with her, and try and keep talking to her. Has she lost a job recently or anything?That could be part of it too...she's got nothing else to do all day...

Otherwise, your best bet is to avoid and ignore as much as possible, I'm afraid.

seamus

worriedson wrote: »

Now I should add that I talked to my Dad about it loads of times and recently he told me she could be goin through the menopause and that I should give her some room.

You should encourage your Dad to discuss it with her rather than just keeping his head down and ignoring it.
Your mother might be feeling equally frustrated and all over the place, so if she can get some firm answers from a doctor and some tips on managing herself while she goes through this stage of her life, it will make everyone's life easier.

Speak to your Dad to see if he will speak to her about it (on a good day) and try get her to speak to a doctor about it. If he's unwilling to do it, maybe sit down with her yourself?

Oryx

coolcat63 wrote: »

It sounds like OCD which can become a very debilitating illness for both the sufferer and those around them. Has your mum acknowledged that her cleaning regime is OTT? It might be worth your dad having a chat with the family G.P. (if she won't go herself) to get some advice on both OCD and managing the menopause.

Please dont give diagnosis here, no matter how well meant it is.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys guys.

Iv told her before that I think she might have a case of OCD, i mean its pretty much on a plate in front of us to be seen, but she just laughs it off or gives out to us and tells us to mind our own buisness.

Just incase I put it across badly in the original post, my Dad has talked to her numerous occasions but might aswell have been talking to a wall.

The person who said its like she's a different person, that is bang on. My mother was always a very happy funny person but these days its like everyday she's been given terrible news. I understand that this period in a womens life must be difficult for them and i appretiate that she needs space and understanding, but i feel it should work in both directions.

Even just 5 minutes ago before I read this thread again she came into my room and said that shes going into town because one of us need to get out the house. I asked what she meant and she said that she cant stand me when im just "slobbering" around the house all day. This then esculated into me going backwards in life and that ill end up on the dole for the rest of my life if i carry on the way im going. Funny thing is, im actually at home today studying for a repeat exam I have on Monday, she knows this.

All I could do just there is laugh (not infront of her) and just agreed with her until she left.

Its these kind of daily arguments that are making life very difficult at home.

Beruthiel

The Menopause
A bag of laughs.

Donno if your Ma has seen her doctor, but if not, she should.
She's having a bad time of it right now. But she needs to realise that even though she feels like crap, it's not right to take it out on those around her.

thalia_13

Sounds like my mother when the menopause hit. You know how women begin to clean and scrub the house in the days before they go into labour, its called the nesting process, well with the menopause my mum went into super nesting mode.

Everyone in the house were drove mental at first, my dad could do no right, we were all out to get her by making a mess etc etc. Dad sat her down, told her he found her behaviour worrying, and made her an appointment with doctor.

2 years later, and with some help from modern medicine, she is more happy and settled. The house, however, remains immaculate!

I'd talk to your dad, and siblings if you have any. Ultimately it is up to your mum to go to the doctor, but let her know ye all love and support her, and tell her kindly that ye are a bit worried for her.

Good luck.

dan_d

worriedson wrote: »

Thanks for the replys guys.

Iv told her before that I think she might have a case of OCD, i mean its pretty much on a plate in front of us to be seen, but she just laughs it off or gives out to us and tells us to mind our own buisness.

Just incase I put it across badly in the original post, my Dad has talked to her numerous occasions but might aswell have been talking to a wall.

The person who said its like she's a different person, that is bang on. My mother was always a very happy funny person but these days its like everyday she's been given terrible news. I understand that this period in a womens life must be difficult for them and i appretiate that she needs space and understanding, but i feel it should work in both directions.

Even just 5 minutes ago before I read this thread again she came into my room and said that shes going into town because one of us need to get out the house. I asked what she meant and she said that she cant stand me when im just "slobbering" around the house all day. This then esculated into me going backwards in life and that ill end up on the dole for the rest of my life if i carry on the way im going. Funny thing is, im actually at home today studying for a repeat exam I have on Monday, she knows this.

All I could do just there is laugh (not infront of her) and just agreed with her until she left.

Its these kind of daily arguments that are making life very difficult at home.

My mum is very like that right now!!

I'm recently unemployed and have a house....the OH and I knew it was coming, have planned for as best we could and are managing, but oh my god, it was like the world ended. And every time I talk to her she works herself into a state over the situation...every conversation is a counselling exercise on my part.

She had a row with my sister the other day, my sister went out and my mother spent the next 2 hours in floods of tears convinced she had completely failed in her upbringing of us, and she'd die alone in a nursing home somewhere, forgotten.

She's convinced my Dad never speaks to her (he's quiet, but genuinely not that quiet!), and that (failing the nursing home) she'll spend the rest of her life living in a silent house., until she dies forgotten about by her children:rolleyes:

My aunt was something similar, along with the cleaning thing...I think she ended up being prescribed pills, some form of anti-depressant.

Unfortunately, it's unavoidable, they do become different people (as a woman, I'm dreading how I'll turn out if this is how my mother is!!)

If it's really really bad a GP visit might be suggested, just be careful how you suggest it....