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how should i reply?

  • 03-09-2010 8:36am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    ok, i have been friend with this man for years. he was my friend's friend and later we rent a house (with other friends) together, we were housemates.

    i liked him alot. but he wasnt ready as he's quiting alcohol. finally i left the house because i got a job in another country. he started drinking again.

    a year later, i came back to ireland (btw, im nt irish, he's irish). we met up. indeed, i chased him hard but he tried to avoid me. but whenever i needed his help, he's there. we had a brief relationship (no sex) but he stepped back and said he preferred to remain friends. it's a few months later he told me he was with another woman for a casual sex relationship when he was kind of with me. i was not very angry (i was surprised by myself too). mainly it's because i knew our relationship was very vague that moment. also he was sort of not in his right form that time as he lost job, pressure from family issues, alcohol, depression etc etc. he told me he did not fancy me but only want sex from me (which i did not offer). alright, then, i accepted that. we remained friends.

    later on, i found out that i was still expecting something more than friendship, so we cut contact. he at that moment started counselling that sort of things. i went on dates, enjoying the attention other males give me. then we met up again. we went on a trip together. we messed around in bedroom, enjoying the initimacy (but again, not to the finishing lines as i felt not comfortable). to this point, i still am attracted to him but i know i can find men easily as well and i dont need to fixate on him, so, all i was doing with him was just having a bit of fun (which i wanted to do with him for long). also, during those days, i found the relationship was not easy for us. the last day of the trip he tried to avoid any heavy conversations. i briefly told him that i was having fun and no pressure on relationship because of this trip. yet, if he wanted to take things further a bit then i would be looking for long-term thing instead of friend with benefits. he said he can't do serious relationship. i said fine then i am happy to be your friend, but i prefer to keep the physical boundary as i dont want to be heartbroken. since we are not in different part of ireland, it's easy to keep the distance anyway. and i am happy with my life and other choices and dont mind to be single even for my whole life, so, seriously i think i can manage to be his friend.

    then a few days later, i got a love letter from him saying he's falling in love with me now.

    i havent replied his letter yet. i would love to try with him, but i have my doubts, i dont really know how should i react to this love letter.


Comments

  • #2
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    This guy told you,

    a. he doesn't even fancy you
    b. but would be ok having sex with you give the opportunity
    c. he does not want/is not able to carry out a serious relationship

    and now, writes you a letter declaring he is falling in love with you?

    As you said yourself, he has issues with alcohol and depression and I'd just proceed with caution here as it seems he has suddenly done a massive u-turn. Words are cheap. If he really has fallen for you I'd let him jump through hoops to show you that he actually means it. In any event, I'd be very wary of getting involved as it seems he has a pattern of sayine one thing and doing another.


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