Why is this getting to me so much??

LegacyUser

Im really close with this girl. were great friends we go to the same college and hang around a lot and we know alot about each other.

we'v never had any attraction to each other, well none except for the fact that shes a girl and im a lad, id never make a move on her like. but i do like her a bit i suppose

anyway she intrested in one my 'not close' friends, shes getting into texing him chat to him the odd time. nothing has happend like. but its really getting to me?

on one level im very happy for her because she rarely meets other lads but on a different level im sorta upset over it. i dont really know why?.. its like ive a knot in my stomach sorta of feeling and i dont kno what to do about it? to make it worse she tells me about it all

if i saw the two of them kissing i imagine id have a real sinking feeling. but i also hope that they get going together!

i dont know.. if i was given the choice to whether they should get together or not, i think it would be a tough choice, but i would probably go with them

am i being really selfish?? confused...

dsmythy

Seems you may like her more than you let on man. Otherwise her getting interested in a guy wouldnt bother you.

whatsamsn

Hmmm,
Seen this happen before. Yes, it could be you like here more than you realise. But I dont think its that.

I dont know why friends are so reluctant to help other friends.
I was in an experience twice (first with a female friend, then a male friend) in both occasions i liked one of their friends. Just naturally happened. The female friend (who we were just friends - nothing more) got all in a huff accusing me that I always flirt with her girl mates (rather insulting I found) - and the male friend put a word in with one of his friends (the girl I liked) Said bad words against me to try and ruin my chances. The funny bit as well being he only met the girl something like twice in his life while me and him must of been out on near 100 drunken nights in the last 3 years. Might I add both male and female friends were in respect relationships at both times :rolleyes: So what was it to them :rolleyes:



I think it stems from 4 aspects:

• [A hint of jealously or full on] When a friend of yours likes one of your friends. even tho its only friendship you may have, and not want anything more. But you never got to a level other than friendship. While your other friend might.
• [selfish] I think its selfish in the sense that most people wouldnt set someone up because of the "whats in it for me?" mentality. (Some people feel that way)
• [bruised ego] alot of people dont like a friend to be set up with another friend cause it sublimally makes you think your friend is more attractive / appealing than you.
• [selfish #2] that the person is your friend. You would rather be a point of attention (your friendship) than letting another friend take over that (being the partner) - obviously you the friend could get pushed aside.

Op I say its one of the above. Maybe more than one. The above happens alot when a friend gets with another.

seenitall

whatsamsn wrote: »

Hmmm,
Seen this happen before. Yes, it could be you like here more than you realise. But I dont think its that.

I dont know why friends are so reluctant to help other friends.
I was in an experience twice (first with a female friend, then a male friend) in both occasions i liked one of their friends. Just naturally happened. The female friend (who we were just friends - nothing more) got all in a huff accusing me that I always flirt with her girl mates (rather insulting I found) - and the male friend put a word in with one of his friends (the girl I liked) Said bad words against me to try and ruin my chances. The funny bit as well being he only met the girl something like twice in his life while me and him must of been out on near 100 drunken nights in the last 3 years. Might I add both male and female friends were in respect relationships at both times :rolleyes: So what was it to them :rolleyes:



I think it stems from 4 aspects:

• [A hint of jealously or full on] When a friend of yours likes one of your friends. even tho its only friendship you may have, and not want anything more. But you never got to a level other than friendship. While your other friend might.
• [selfish] I think its selfish in the sense that most people wouldnt set someone up because of the "whats in it for me?" mentality. (Some people feel that way)
• [bruised ego] alot of people dont like a friend to be set up with another friend cause it sublimally makes you think your friend is more attractive / appealing than you.
• [selfish #2] that the person is your friend. You would rather be a point of attention (your friendship) than letting another friend take over that (being the partner) - obviously you the friend could get pushed aside.

Op I say its one of the above. Maybe more than one. The above happens alot when a friend gets with another.

I see you REALLY gave this some thought, whatsamsn. Actually, wouldn't surprise me if you were right on all counts. I definitely know people who fit into some of the categories you mention when it comes to friendship and romance departments. Selfishness and jealousy are big (and usually unaknowledged) motivators for not doing the right thing by friends.

OP, my advice is similarly to have a closer look at your motivations about how you feel about the situation, and maybe the whatsamsn's post can help you in this. Or maybe you genuinely "like"-like the girl, but weren't aware of it until now.

LegacyUser

whatsamsn wrote: »

Hmmm,
Seen this happen before. Yes, it could be you like here more than you realise. But I dont think its that.

I dont know why friends are so reluctant to help other friends.
I was in an experience twice (first with a female friend, then a male friend) in both occasions i liked one of their friends. Just naturally happened. The female friend (who we were just friends - nothing more) got all in a huff accusing me that I always flirt with her girl mates (rather insulting I found) - and the male friend put a word in with one of his friends (the girl I liked) Said bad words against me to try and ruin my chances. The funny bit as well being he only met the girl something like twice in his life while me and him must of been out on near 100 drunken nights in the last 3 years. Might I add both male and female friends were in respect relationships at both times :rolleyes: So what was it to them :rolleyes:



I think it stems from 4 aspects:

• [A hint of jealously or full on] When a friend of yours likes one of your friends. even tho its only friendship you may have, and not want anything more. But you never got to a level other than friendship. While your other friend might.
• [selfish] I think its selfish in the sense that most people wouldnt set someone up because of the "whats in it for me?" mentality. (Some people feel that way)
• [] alot of people dont like a friend to be set up with another friend cause it sublimally makes you think your friend is more attractive / appealing than you.
• [] that the person is your friend. You would rather be a point of attention (your friendship) than letting another friend take over that (being the partner) - obviously you the friend could get pushed aside.

Op I say its one of the above. Maybe more than one. The above happens alot when a friend gets with another.

Yeah i think u've summed it up very well there for me thanks. i think now your right that i like her more than i think.

i agree with you on "the hint of jealously" , "the bruised ego" and the "selfish #2" but not so much with the "whats in it for me mentality" i dont think i feel like that towards the situation

Either way, what do you think i should do??