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Being friends with a girl you're in love with - is it possible?

  • 02-09-2010 9:33pm
    #1
    karaokeman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭


    Hi all, long story short I would like some advice on learning to cope with "just being friends" with a girl I'm in love with.

    I asked out some time back and she said it would be better if we stayed as friends.

    Thing is my feelings for her are still very strong, and whenever I'm down my whole world turns upside down when I see her. I feel so happy after a catch-up or whatever when I get to meet the girl and talk with her.

    I do not however believe that, just because I feel so strongly it means I should not be friends with her anymore. (As you may know most people say you cannot be friends with someone you're in love with).

    I know it hurts to be "just friends" but I am trying to ignore the pain because I get so much joy out of talking to her and all.

    Does anyone else believe such a friendship is possible?


Comments

  • #2
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Everybody that's been in your position - myself included - all feel the same way. It's proposterous! It won't happen to me! I can still be friends with someone I am completely in love with.

    The truth is you can't. She'll start dating someone and you will feel unimaginably void from it, for a start. From there the emotions will probably swing either from jealous rage to miserable despair. Neither of the two extremes being healthy.

    It's possible to be friends with a girl you were in love with and have since let go; but that takes time. Lots of time. And you are not there.


  • #3
    GTE
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,919 ✭✭✭GTE


    karaokeman wrote: »
    Does anyone else believe such a friendship is possible?

    No.

















    However, behind that simple truth may be the fact that fighting to keep that friendship going to the point it explodes is worth it.

    They always say just ask her out, you will regret it otherwise. Ok, its can be very hard to be in the position of loving a good friend and getting the courage to ask them out but you in actual fact have gone through the hardest part IMO.

    Now what happens is you keep the friendship that you value for as long as you can, and if it doesnt work out then it doesnt work out.

    What will make it harder is if she gets a boyfriend. That could make you wonder is it worth it. If its not so what? She really should talk to you before hand just to make sure you are ok with it. Its not a case that you dictate if she should but if she asks you if you are ok then thats a sign its a friendship to keep.

    So you try your best on two fronts, asking her out and keeping the friendship alive and to be honest, getting through the two of those makes you a better person, not because you are better then the girl or the girl is a cow but because you have some experience under your belt.

    If you can get to the point where you can find someone new while keeping the old friendship then I applaud you! It will help.

    For me though. The best friend I had who I got with turned out to be the worst person on the planet. It was not out of my lack of wanting to keep the friendship going when it didnt work out but purely because you dont always know someone. Point being and before I drown my sorrows in some tea, try to keep the friendship going. Chances are my first word in this post will come true but you are over the hardest part by asking her out in the first place, so you may as well stay the distance to keep the flame of peepship going.


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