Losing friends.

Ave Sodalis

So, I'm a secondary school girl in my last year, with a problem that has been getting me down recently.

I have these two friends (lets call them Mary* and Ann*). Now I've been friends with Mary for a good few years and Ann, not as many but still, about 2 or 3. The problem is, ever since we gone back to school, they have been extremely demoralising, arguementative, and critical of my decisions and opinions. For example, today I had my coat on because I am generally a cold person. Ann asks why I have a coat on and then the two of them harp on to themselves, as if wasn't there about how ''she's a few cents short of a euro that one'' Yesterday, they asked me what points I needed for my LC, after telling them they both say ''aw that's while high, you'll never get that''. Over the summer I went through a bit of a rough patch with the love life. Tell Mary at the time, I had assumed she understood but, alas, that was not the case as ever since we returned, I have been continuasly laughed at for it :mad:

That's only to name a few things they have been doing since we returned to school (returned Tuesday). I know they are not real friends but since I'm in my last year, all the 'clicks' so to speak have been made therefore making new friends would very difficult. Making good friends at this stage would be nearing impossible.

Not sure what exactly I'm asking here but any advice or words that you think might help are an encouragement. I might have left things out here because I'm rushing a bit but don't hesitate to ask.

Zeouterlimits

Sound like vipers.
Assuming you've told them they're being hurtful cows (in perhaps better words, or maybe not) then just stop hanging out with them (telling them why).
Happens to all of us, some friends change and we'd rather not hang with them anymore, so don't.

blairbear

Ummmm they sound like the most vile, nasty friends EVER. Do you really want to have to put up with that kind of nonsense all year? I bet you anything they bitch like mad about each other too. You sound like you're far more mature than they are.

Since you're in 6th year, I presume you're divided up into different groups as you wouldn't always be taking the same classes. Why don't you try talking to girls in those classes that you wouldn't normally chat to. You may think all the cliques are formed but I promise you that half of this so-called cliques are composed of girls in similar situations to yourself, where they're just hanging out with the same people as they always did out of habit. I also promise you that by the end of the year, so many of these cliques will have fallen out. Doing the LC makes for a highly pressured environment so it'd be even harder to cope if you're hanging out with those two girls the whole time!

Princess Peach

I fell out with my best friend at exactly the same time, the summer before 6th year! What I did was I just started having lunch with some girls in my year that I was kind of friendly with, and soon enough they started inviting me to hang out with them after school and 5 years on we're still great friends! I have had a lot of problems with girl friends, cause frankly we can be extremely catty and dramatic sometimes. But you don't need negativity in your life. Try making some new friends, and if these girls miss you they will try and make a better effort to be nice to you. They will prob get fed up hanging out just the two of them if they dont have you to pick on anyway if you get me. They are just bored and pathetic! I met up with my old best friend recentky for the first time since secondary school, and she is still the crazy, bitchy girl who I fell out with and I'm glad not to be her friend. She was very anxious to meet up with me, I did it cause she pestered me so much but it became clear from talking to her she wanted to meet me cause she doesnt really have many friends. Be nice and new people will like you!

princeofparma

Why should you care?
Friends come and go.
When you go to college or when you go from job to job when you are older you will be constantly leaving friends behind and getting new ones.
Look after number one.

IrishEyes19

sup_dude wrote: »

So, I'm a secondary school girl in my last year, with a problem that has been getting me down recently.

I have these two friends (lets call them Mary* and Ann*). Now I've been friends with Mary for a good few years and Ann, not as many but still, about 2 or 3. The problem is, ever since we gone back to school, they have been extremely demoralising, arguementative, and critical of my decisions and opinions. For example, today I had my coat on because I am generally a cold person. Ann asks why I have a coat on and then the two of them harp on to themselves, as if wasn't there about how ''she's a few cents short of a euro that one'' Yesterday, they asked me what points I needed for my LC, after telling them they both say ''aw that's while high, you'll never get that''. Over the summer I went through a bit of a rough patch with the love life. Tell Mary at the time, I had assumed she understood but, alas, that was not the case as ever since we returned, I have been continuasly laughed at for it :mad:

That's only to name a few things they have been doing since we returned to school (returned Tuesday). I know they are not real friends but since I'm in my last year, all the 'clicks' so to speak have been made therefore making new friends would very difficult. Making good friends at this stage would be nearing impossible.

Not sure what exactly I'm asking here but any advice or words that you think might help are an encouragement. I might have left things out here because I'm rushing a bit but don't hesitate to ask.

Hiya, the bad news is, LC is a tough year, so one thing you don't need is a hard time from your "friends" especially when you've got so much ahead of you.

However, the good news is, college in my opinion is a whole new ball game, where you'll make the best friends of your life and meet people of a similar mind frame. All I can say on my own experience is that I moved away to a college all on my own, where I knew absolutely no one, and two years down the line, I'm really happy and comfortable with friends who I trust and love. Point here is, secondary school is a horrible place for clicks and falling friendships. In most cases, college cancels out all that crap, because you most people there are all in the same field, starting something new and really want to make new friends. And that b*****g and fighting just isnt tolerated as much, it happens but I found its pretty isolated.

Maybe for this year separate yourself from those two if they're being unkind and try and mingle with others, and if thats not possible, defend yourself against them, and look forward to the next year. It's a huge step!! But worthwhile!!

whatsamsn

Op,
Friends come and go.
Sad fact is in life that "friends" (or people would be the right term to use) look out for themselves.
You could think you would be great friends with someone. But if they had more to gain in a particular situation - your friendship wouldnt mean a thing.




Op, your only 17-18 right?
Im 25. And Im sure there are users on here probably double my age as we get older we became aware of certain things in life

[now im a guy. I know your a girl. But this is still a testament to what millions of people can face in their lives]
I will always remember what my dad told me about friends when i was young.... "when a bloke gets a bird he doesnt care about his mates no more" (he was right) "but when she dumps him, he'll be back hanging around the mates" (he was right too)
He also told me "A mate would ride your girl in front of you" a low brow expression yes :pac:, but an expression that holds so much weight. Many a "friend" has had sex with a mates previous or current girlfriend/boyfriend. Heck op, it happens every day where a guy breaks up with his girl and all his friends go sniffing around her. Girls even do it too. So much for the friend.


My point? ... As we get older we open our eyes more.
Yes you will make genuine friends. People you can rely on. But they are one in a very long list of people you will encounter in your life.
Give it until after school and you'll slowly phase away from them. So whats the point in being friends when clearly they are not and being nasty to you.

Ave Sodalis

Thanks guys. I'll try to keep in with the other girls in my year. See if it works.

Can't wait to get to college and to get away from the two of them is one of the main reasons why too. They are both a year older than me but treat me as if I'm far younger, which, quite frankly is infuriating.

princeofparma

sup_dude wrote: »

Thanks guys. I'll try to keep in with the other girls in my year. See if it works.

Can't wait to get to college and to get away from the two of them is one of the main reasons why too. They are both a year older than me but treat me as if I'm far younger, which, quite frankly is infuriating.

When you start college don't just make friends with people in your course or just makes friends with room mates or go out with guys only in your course or with guys who are friends of friends etc.
Go out of your way to meet people doing different courses and people going to different colleges particularly if you start going to college in Dublin or someother city.
That way you won't find yourself depending on any one person.
It's also a good idea to keep different types of friends and their social circles in different compartments and be more secretive about who else you know or who else you are going out with kind of like the different branches of a tree.
That way you are the one in control of your life and nobody can hold the all the strings except you.
When one a group of friends get boring, you will always have another group of friends to fall back on.