Lost and Depressed

LegacyUser

I feel like my life is a total disaster, I don't know what to do, or how to make things better. I am miserable, and lonely, and just feel totally useless.
I know that everyone goes through bad patches from time to time, but right now I feel like I am spiraling deeper and deeper into a black hole.
I'm sitting here trying to think of positives in my life right now, and I can't think of any.
I had a great job, which I loved, was good at and really enjoyed and got a lot out of. But I left because I was being bullied and intimidated by my manager to the point that my health, and sanity, was being affected by it. I since got another job, don't get anywhere near the same job satisfaction, or pay!
I met and feel in love with the most fantastic man. But that relationship has ended and he now would like it to be purely platonic, me being there when he needs a moan, but not always accessible when I might need something similar.
Yes, I do have friends, but lately I seem to have drifted from some of them, or they have drifted from me, not really sure which. But they all have their own busy lives to deal with.
Right now, I feel that if I was no longer here in the morning that no one would really be all that bothered, other than immediate family, and there's kind of an unwritten rule there, isn't there.
To people who know me, at work and life in general, I come across as bright and bubbly and fun and care free, but inside I feel so sad and miserable all the time. I don't know when there last was a day that I didn't cry. It's hard work putting on a front.
I just want this feeling to stop, but don't know how.

princess-lala

You shouldn't have been bullied out of a job firstly!

Secondly, I feel the exact same way as you, I'm so happy and bubbly on the outside but on the inside I just want to cry! I really think you should see your gp, even just to talk!

Pm me if you need to rant!

Sorry there isnt much more I can say.

loulougoldfish

Hi there,

I'm really sorry things are not working out for you at the moment. I know it's difficult when you feel like that, I suffered with depression for years and it's practically indescribable the pain,sadness and complete hopelessness one feels . I will tell you what you're feeling now is just what you are feeling now if that makes sense? You have had a bad run of things with being bullied at work and then your relationship breaking down, it's enough to make most people with loads of supportive friends and family get down on themselves. It won't always feel like that.

I agree with Princess La-La to go see your GP. It might help to get an anti-depressant just to get you through the short term, enough time for you to re-group and start feeling a little bit better about yourself and your situation. If you don't want to go down that route there is a really good support group called Aware (aware.ie). They run face to face support groups, they also have phone and email support aswell if the face to face one is a bit too much for you at the moment. Also if you can afford one a good counsellor can be a huge help even just for a short while. They are objective, completely non judgemental and you can tell them how you're feeling without worrying about what they think like maybe you would with people you know.

From my own personal experience when you're feeling like that you just want to hideaway from everything. This unfortunately perpetuates your situation as it makes you more isolated. You say your friends are drifting away but maybe that's because you're not feeling up to going out or doing stuff with them. My advice after the GP / Aware stuff would be that you have to put yourself back out there with family and friends no matter how bad you are feeling. If nothing, it might not fix all your problems but it does take your mind off them for a while, enough to feel a little bit normal again. If you really feel you're not close with your friends maybe try and join something. Like a sports club or something you're interested in, do something nice for yourself maybe it's starting a new course or getting a massage. They are some great friends groups such as Meetup.ie that you can join and do activities you enjoy whilst meeting new people. Remember this is temporary it WILL get better you just have to hang in there. If you need to chat send me a PM.

Best of Luck,
Loulou

thefeatheredcat

Are your friends and family aware of everything that's happened? It's a lot to have to deal with alone, and you don't have to.

Your friends may be busy or appear to be, but they may think everything's grand and that you're busy too.

I've always found that even though I'm not particularly close to all my family, I find that taking time out with them, even as a distraction from the upsets, can be far more comforting than anything else. Especially when you feel like your friends aren't there for you when you need them.

You've dealt with a lot on your own and yknow you should be firstly proud that you've dealt with this so far on your own because most people I know wouldn't be able to deal with one of those things you've gone through even with support, never mind all of them and the feelings.

You've been through the mill and you've probably been a bit hard on yourself too.

I would recommend that you do speak to your GP about how you're feeling, they will understand, and they can provide with options to help you. You're feeling a little low right now, and with being open about it and getting yourself help, you'll feel so much more happy in yourself and stronger and come out of it in a positive way.

LegacyUser

Thanks for you replies, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and replying.
I know that the logical thing to do is go talk to my G.P., I did this when things at work started to fall apart and I really felt that I wasn't able to cope with the situation; lost all confidence in my ability to do my job, and began to question myself about everything. When I went to the G.P. they had know problem handing out medication, but managed to make me feel like I really was falling apart, and over reacting to the whole situation.
I did at the time go for counselling about stuff that happened at work, and the counselor was very supportive and understanding. Since moving jobs I'm really not in a position to be able to afford seeing a counselor again.
I just want to be able to get a handle on my life again, and regain some level of control, that or just fall asleep and not wake up any more.

Princess Peach

I can totally understand as I have been through the same thing, and I'm kinda going through it again! I started on anti depressants about a year ago and they worked really well for me. The only thing is they are expensive, I paid E80 a month for mine which was a lot for me. Ask your doctor about free councelling in your area. Counselling really helped me too. I was doing really well and finished councelling and started to come off my anti depressants and then things started going bad, My boyfriend dumped me, and I'm having a lot of trouble with my girl friends and at home and work is stressful. I know how you feel when its hard to find anything good in your life to make you happy. I feel like none of my friends understand what I'm going through, or even care tbh. I tried to talk to them about it and nobody was really supportive. I'm here if you want to chat anyway!

Princess Peach

Oh also my after a couple of months my meds really helped me to stay asleep through the night, but now that I've started to come off them I keep waking up again! Its the worst I know

CDfm

OP if you feel isolated its the best time of year to do nightclasses .

Do something you have a hobby interest in.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

OP if you feel isolated its the best time of year to do nightclasses .

Do something you have a hobby interest in.

Thanks CDfm, but that idea does nothing for me. Also, I don't work regular 9 to 5 so it's almost impossible to plan things for a regular evening during the week. I might be there one evening and not be able to make it again for a few weeks due to work. By the time I get finished work I just want to get home and crash.