HELP!

LegacyUser

Going un-reg for this one,

I know a couple, the girl of which i am quite good friends with (im a girl too if that makes any difference), and the guy is kind of in the extended circle of friends. They've been together for a good while now, probably a year or so i reckon, but they were together before that for a similar period of time. But they had a break of about 10 months between both of these periods.

Anyway to get to the point, she broke it off with him the first time round because he cheated once, just kissed a girl as far as i know. Now they had the gap of a year, and she went a bit mad, sleeping with guys left right and center, pulling every time we went out, but we didn't mind because she was single and didn't see anything wrong with it

Now since they've gotten back together he has been nothing but loyal, waiting on her hand and foot, answering her every need, but still every weekend or whatever that the girls go out, she is still pulling left right and center, and then the reason why im writing this piece occurred a while ago , we went away on a girls only holiday, she pulled every single night, and even slept with a guy, i feel terrible knowing this and not telling her bf but she is a good friend is it going behind her back saying something? I cant bare seeing them together i just want to tell him what she's been doing behind his back


Thanks anyway, sorry for the long post

Miss Fluff

You're not really in a position to say anything to him because ultimately it's not your business. As her mate, you're prefectly entitled to say it to her though. Have you brought it up with her and how you think she is acting like a total cow? If you feel strongly about it bring it up with her although be prepared for a less than favourable reaction.

Zeouterlimits

Have you spoken to her about it?
Are you friends with him too? If so, then yes, I'd say something. If you're just really an acquaintance, then apart from making your thoughts on this known to your friend I'd say stay out of it.

TitoPuente

To be honest, I'd be inclined to say it to him. Taking the attitude that "it's none of my business" is a bit of a cop out IMO. This poor guy could end up with an STD because of your friend's reckless behaviour. Not to mention how much more hurt he'll be the longer he has to wait to find out what's been going on.

As for him cheating on her the first time around (albeit only a kiss)... considering your friend's behaviour, are you sure she wasn't just saying this to you to get sympathy?

JonathanAnon

It depends on how good friends you are with him. If he is a good friend you could certainly tell him, but this will surely lead to problems between you and your female friend.... Maybe give her the option to "stop cheating on him or you are gonna tell him" ?

LegacyUser

Tell him through an anonymous email.

Setup a new email account under whatever name you want - and email him spilling the beans.

If you tell straight up he'll tell her how he found out so she won't be your mate anymore - he deserves to know.

Though if it was only two/three/four of you on holidays then him finding out will narrow down who might have told him.

thefeatheredcat

you have the option to confront your female friend especially if you are unhappy with her behaviour but that's it. Don't get involved, don't go behind her back, you'll get the blame and reputation for 'meddling', and possibly lose both friends....she'll get caught out anyway.

but if I were you, I wouldn't be the bearer of her dirty secrets anymore in future or helping her to cheat (if you know what I mean) or be the confident of this behaviour or be used as the 'excuse' as it's unfair on you and you could end up being used keeping her secrets for her, being the credible 'alibi' and ending up feeling very guilty knowing all this towards your male friend.

stay clear of telling him, you'll just make more trouble for yourself and look like a very untrustworthy friend. cheaters always get caught out by their own means. Just don't get caught up in your friend's drama, it's her mess she's created and she'll no doubt, once she's found out will be looking to you for the shoulder to cry on when boyfriend has dumped her.

Overheal

Simple Steps wrote: »

Tell him through an anonymous email.

Setup a new email account under whatever name you want - and email him spilling the beans.

If you tell straight up he'll tell her how he found out so she won't be your mate anymore - he deserves to know.

Though if it was only two/three/four of you on holidays then him finding out will narrow down who might have told him.

And then the hostile interrogations start, the wrong person is blamed... I've been down that road. Even if you manage to pull it off and remain anonymous, you feel like a real ass when someone who had nothing to do with it is getting the 3rd degree. You might be doing something right there, but typically at the cost of something else wrong. I don't think anonymous tip is the way to go. If you're going to do it, you go in for all the marbles.

OP Have you talked to your friend about her actions? There are few reasons not to at least ask her about this, without necessarily being confrontational. I've known couples for example where in two seperate conversations she'll be telling me she loves him; he'll be telling me he's still confused and uncertain despite being very taken. And wtf can I do, well I can talk to the friend with the complication and ask him if he wouldn't want to figure it out knowing full well that this girl loves him, for one. One thing I'm far less comfortable with doing in that situation is going to the girl and saying 'Yeah well, he doesn't love you back, so nyah.' Because I don't want to be the instigator. But in that case it could have gone either way, it's not as if he was sleeping around or anything remotely of the sort. Had he been, I would have been in your shoes.

Talk to her please. See if she won't change on this issue. If she doesn't and you can find peace with that somehow (It's her life, etc.) then so be it. If you can't, then you can disassociate yourself with her. And if you can't and you are vehemently opposed, you can do the next worst thing and start a couple fires by instigating the breakup by telling him directly. In the iPhone generation, burden of proof is easy to come by.