Should I Tell or Not?

ynul31f47k6b59

Right, here's a dilemma that I need a bit of advice on. The opinion of anyone I've asked seems to have been split 50/50, so I'd appreciate opinions.


Thanks everyone, sound advice. Much appreciated.

ldxo15wus6fpgm

How do you know the page is still in use? It could just be very old.
You can't even tell if it's really him, it's very easy for someone to save a picture off facebook etc. and stick it up claiming to be that person.

I'd ignore it tbh.

jessiejam

Maybe it was something he set up when they weren't together. You state that they had an on/off realtionship. I wouldn't jump in head first. I would perhaps moniter the page to see if he is still carrying on like that.

If this is the case I would mention it casually to her. Not the detail but the fact you saw him on some web page.

Its up to her then to sort it out, but if it was me in her situation I would defo want to know what was going on before i walked down the isle.

Oryx

Stay out of it. You have no idea what the dynamic of their relationship is and what they quietly tolerate about each other. With situations like this, they quite often shoot the messenger as well, you could find it all blow up in your face, no matter how well intentioned you are.

As a for instance, I knew of two women who were cheating before they got married. Very complicated situations. Both went on to have successful long term marriages. There is no such thing as a cut and dried situation.

ynul31f47k6b59

Munkymanmatt: I don't know when he set it up, but all the comments are dated, and it lists his last sign-in date on the page. It's definitely something that's in use at the minute. And it's definitely him, he's got several pictures up and all the details match, even in the comments.

Oryx: See, part of me thinks that you're right, based on the fact that she has taken him back after he cheated. Maybe she knows full well about the page already and just chooses to ignore it, and she's happy to live like that?

Jessiejam: I would want to know too! On the other hand, how can I point her in the direction of the page without looking like I'm stirring things?

ManOfMystery

The OP said it was an active page, so by that I assume they mean it's had recent use.

I agree with the other posters that this really could blow up for you OP, although I believe your intentions are good.

If you really, really must get this off your chest then perhaps an anonymous email to your friend with the link for the webpage involved. That way you don't get blamed for being jealous or whatever other excuse her hubby throws at her. Nevertheless, don't expect your friend to take it well - even if it is the truth.

ash23

Set up an anon email and send her the link. Then keep quiet and never ever bring it up.

I wouldn't like to tell but I'd prefer to know before walking down the aisle with a cheating toe rag (if thats what this guy is).

Zen65

Claire Rancid Footlocker wrote: »

Should I just say absolutely nothing - it's not as if he's meeting up with them - or point her in the direction of the page, risk losing a friend, and being called a jealous cow while he wriggles out of it? Should I maybe leave an anonymous comment on his page, asking what he's playing at?

The anonymous comment on his page is your best bet, but it won't stop him from cheating later if he is that way disposed.

Do not tell your friend, you're just going to make matters worse.

Try leaving a comment like this:

"Hey Bob, this is a bit weird isn't it? You having a page like this and your wedding to Sheila so close? Do you think she'd be mad with you if she saw this?"

Of course, you have to use the real names for Bob and Sheila.


Z

coolcat63

I'd send him (can't think he's NOT called Bob now!) an email saying you are a bit confused as you stumbled across this page and does he know that someone is impersonating him and how very upset Sheila would be if she saw it.

Then watch it disappear...

Oryx

coolcat63 wrote: »

Then watch it disappear...

Only to pop up again elsewhere, only better disguised.

Not saying its a terrible idea, but if the man is determined, that wont stop him.

ynul31f47k6b59

ManOfMystery wrote: »

If you really, really must get this off your chest then perhaps an anonymous email to your friend with the link for the webpage involved.

ash23 wrote: »

Set up an anon email and send her the link. Then keep quiet and never ever bring it up.

Thanks for all the advice guys, I think I might do this - at least then she's free to make up her own mind to do what she wants. Coolcat I don't think I'd be comfortable e-mailing him - I've a feeling he'd just delete the page and then he'd have the e-mail as proof that I was stirring. Oryx - you're 100% right, of course he'd just do it again, but if it was me and I thought one of my friends knew and didn't tell me...I'd be livid!

I will forever think of them as Bob and Sheila now, Zen

Thanks very much for all the replies, am going to delete post just in case. Thanks x

whatsamsn

so its confirmed he is currently using the site and due to the nature of the comments.. it doesnt look good. Also looking like this is a thing he is doing on the side. That his fiancee doesnt know about. Not to mention a cheating nature as he has done so in the past....


We all know the aspects of telling... if you do you can be the one who gets outcasted. If you dont, and it comes out that you knew (which has a suprising way of doing so) ... then you would be outcasted for not telling.


Personally, if i am dating anyone and a friend knows something I should know ... i'd wanna know.

ynul31f47k6b59

whatsamsn wrote: »

We all know the aspects of telling... if you do you can be the one who gets outcasted. If you dont, and it comes out that you knew (which has a suprising way of doing so) ... then you would be outcasted for not telling.

That's exactly it, I think I will go down the anonymous route. Thanks all.

I don't think I can delete the thread, but I'm going to edit the first post just to remove a few details - I know they don't use the site, but you never know.