Very Immature

LegacyUser

I am in my late 30's but i feel emotionally a lot younger. When i was younger i bullied a lot and became suicidal but never told anyone the bullying lasted my teenage years and to my early 20's I had a lot of problems but i was very isolated from my family. Although loving they were argumentative and hard to talk to. I tried to give clues about how i was feeling but these were never piccked upon. So i had no guidance/wissdom/advice during that time

Instead of talking out problems i would instead turn to books or films or obscure subjects and delve into them really deeply

The thing is i feel immature. if i posted my individuall issues on here you would think i was about 15 or 16! I have always dealt with problems by pushing them away and ignoring them

I came across as really easy going but i actually just bottled things up

Even though i am a grown man i ask my parents advice about everything. everything seems to annoy me

I think in some way i am trying to get what i missed during those teenage years or something

I feel upset a lot times for no real reason and now my memory is going. I constantly analysing myself and thinking about things that happened 10 or 20 years ago


Another thing When i was younger i used to go into another town to get away from bullying but i would hang about that town all day open to run into people i knew. It just felt like stalking and now it haunts me. especially if i see these people

You wouldnt think it to read this post but i have actually spent time at college in another part of the country despite it being hours away i came home every weekend

I have moved into a flat recently and i feel upset all the time. i feel like i had a nervous breakdown years ago and suppressed it and nows its re-emerging

I have tried counselling but it sint working what should i do? How can i mature?

This thread might seem articulate but i have had too long to think about it

LegacyUser

Hi OP, you wouldn't be the only person who's suddenly realised that they haven't kept up to date with their emotional housekeeping!
First of all, stop dwelling on what you did/didn't do when you were younger. The past is gone, and raking over it is what's causing your low feelings right now. Do you think everyone else had it sussed when they were younger, and don't feel slightly embarrassed/worried about how they carried on when they were younger? Those people you meet (who you used to 'stalk' as you call it) probably never thought you were 'stalking' them. I think you're definitely blowing the 'stalking' out of proportion, and assigning a lot of importance to it.
Regards the bullying, is there anyone you can talk to? That's the next step, if you don't open up and talk to people (eg friend, parent, counsellor) and listen to what they have to say, you will find it hard to beat this on your own.
I myself suddenly came to the realisation that I never properly dealt with certain things that happened during my chidhhod and teenage years. It was only when I got to my late twenties//early thirties did I face up to the dreaded 'emotional housekeeping' : ). For me, it took going back to college to help me come face to face with what happened. I'm still trawling through past events, but I have definitely come out of myself. I feel lighter, and friends have told me that I have changed. To top it all off, I've met someone who adores me (I adore him too). I can't believe how much my life has changed.
The same can happen to you. Find someone to talk to. Face up to the fact that you brushed a lot of things under the carpet, and now it's time to acknowledge what happened. There'll be tough times ahead if you do face up to your past, but the reward of happiness and release will make it all worthwhile.

Good luck

fasty

I don't think I had it as bad as you during my teenage years but I definitely feel the same way these days... Or at least I used to.

As said above, you really just need to put the past behind you and get on with your life. I can't think of anything I regret more than not living my teenage years and early 20s the way I should have.

If you sort yourself out bit by bit, it's not such a daunting task. Live your life. Do stuff. Meet people and even when you have low days, or days where you feel sorry for yourself, they become less frequent. If you need help, talk to a councellor.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies.

The problem i have with counselling is i almost don't know what the problem is. i feel upset all the time but dont know why. when i go for counselling i came bringing up incidents from my past. The last time i went my counsellor was bored(although they tried to hide it) i just seem too intense i think

I don't know if i need a good shaking or a bit of understanding

I seem to live my live completely in my head a million mikles away from everyone else.

I have really obscure interests which i know deep down i'm not that really interested in


Also im living on my own and getting really lonely

Lilywhitey

I think you need to see a different counsellor, like in every other profession there are some very good and some not so good counsellors. It was wrong of that person to make you feel like you were boring them. your problems are very real to you and important enough to be dealt with by someone who will listen and tease out the details. Im 21 and have social anxiety and other issues due to things that happened when i was a child. I have gone to counselling myself and it took going to three different counsellors before I found the one that got to the root of things. Like that I didn't actually know what the problem was. So keep an open mind
Samaritans are also there if you really don't want to go to counselling at the moment 1850609090. It's always good to talk things out, bottling up only makes it worse. Also i know what you mean about the analysing things over and over in your mind, when that happens you really need to stop yourself, even if you have to pinch yourself because ruminating is never good for the mind. God bless and I hope it all works out for you.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

First of all, get a new counsellor. They are only as good as the progress you feel you are making.

Second of all, why not share a flat with other people rather than on your own so you aren't lonely? Get new interests that you are interested in? Stop living in your head and over analysing things, get on with living life. What's stopping you from making a concerted effort and changing some things in your life?

All the best