Head melted by a girl

LegacyUser

Hey. Long time poster, first time unreg here. Over the last two weeks, my head has been absolutely wrecked by a situation that has cropped up. One night, about 3 months ago, I met this girl. She is a friend of a friend who happened to be out that night. This girl is absolutely gorgeous, and I fancied her immediately. I spoke to her for a while, and then she left. Due to somewhat of a lack of self-confidence (I figured she was way, WAY out of my league), I forgot about her.

Then two weeks ago, my friend texts me and tells me this girl was into me. I was literally gobsmacked. But being at a party at the time, I couldn't do anything about it. But I figured I could talk to my friend and see if she could help a brother out! So I spoke to my friend and she sort of said 'yeah, I'll give you a shout next time we're heading out' and she dropped it. She didn't seem that interested in helping out. And then, she and her fiancee got pregnant. Which is wonderful, and I'm delighted for them, and they're all loved up, and it's great! But it leaves my situation somewhat in limbo. Obviously my friend wont be going out with work now, so the chances of me meeting up with this girl are diminished. Which I feel incredibly selfish and guilty about, but hey, you cant help your feelings, right?

Anyway, this is where it gets a bit weird. I am a member of a dating website. Not something I often partake in, but I dabble. Over the weekend, I happened to be knocking about the site, when I noticed this girl is on the same site. But I've done nothing about it.

So anyway, my head is a bit melted by this whole situation. What should I do? First of all, I feel really bad about the pregnancy thing and being selfish in just thinking how this affects me. Of course, I haven't said anything about it to my friends. I just want to support them in anyway I can. So despite thinking 'shoot, this puts a spanner in the works for me,' I keep it to myself.
Do I contact this girl via the website? Despite the ease of this, and cutting out the middle-man so to speak, something about this idea makes me feel like a creep. I really don't know if it's a good idea.

Really, I'd just like to put the whole thing out of my mind. But when something of an opportunity presents itself to me, and I don't do anything about it, I really hate that kind of situation. I'm much more of a proactive guy than somebody who just sits and waits. So any advice would be great.

JuliusCaesar

Venting wrote: »

Do I contact this girl via the website?

Yes. You're interested, and you have been told she is too. Much easier than forcing your friend who's busy with other stuff to act the middleman.

PS - she isn't wrecking your head! You are.

LegacyUser

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

PS - she isn't wrecking your head! You are.

You're absolutely right. I should have worded that better. Probably should have been 'head melted by thought of a girl.'

neveah

Absolutely contact her. Why not? You have nothing to lose. Your friend has already told you that this girl was into you. Plus you have already met her so the ice is already broken so you should have stuff to chat about and you share a mutual friend. It's probably better to cut out the middleman as you say so that if things don't work out then your friend isn't stuck in the middle. I think you should go for it.

CDfm

If you have a mutual friend say it again and maybe they have time now to put you in touch and that a more certain route than the website.

whatsamsn

Op you are actually in a great situation
- you were luckily enough to just randomly see her on the site. Mate, thats your way to find out if she truly is interested. Just mail her saying oh hey its xxx blah blah blah how you finding the site? .. then just flirt with her after she gets back.
just flirt with her even use the ol' "to be honest, you are too gorgeous to be on a site like this. Always remember you from that night, my jaw dropped" - you'll get your answer then if shes into you too.




As for your friend - thats a terrible aspect of life op. Alot of people can be very heisitant to set friends up - even if they themselves are happy in a relationship. You said yourself she gave you a fob off.
Personally, i think its her being selfish rather than you. Shes now pregnant, shes happy in a relationship. You are the one single. Is it asking too much to help a friend? .... Yes. In this world it seems. Reason why certain people will never set up a friend is because they get nothing out of it. Like most things in life op its all about "whats in it for me?" mentally (quid pro quo)

LegacyUser

Yeah, a part of me does think it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for my friend to put the two of us in the same room and just let it go from there. But I understand she's distracted and probably very self-involved (not in a bad way, she does have a lot of planning to do) at the moment. Add to the fact she's heading home for two weeks, so she'll be out of work. So I do think I should probably contact this girl myself. I just don't want to come off creepy, you know?

whatsamsn

Well personally, I dont think you would come off as creepy.
You obviously would first say that you were X's friend and you met her that night. That right there OP takes any stigma off you. You would not be just another random bloke messaging her.


I say go for it op.
Weigh up the pros and cons...
- It is unlikely you will just randomly bump into her in your day to day.
- She is on a dating site, so it will just look like you randomly saw her there. Which is the case :pac: (plus she already having met you, let alone hearing she liked you .. you'd be mad not to email)

- this could be your only chance. Shes single now. She mightnt be in 2 months (or whatever)
- Theres also that chance she mightnt be interested in you (despite what the friend said) but if you mail. You'll get your answer let alone you were told she did, if you dont do anything about this it could be something you regret.

So op... message!

Fittle

You can do things.

You can contact your friend who is now pregnant, via text or call, and ask her for her friends number.
Or you can contact this girl via the website.

It's very simple.

Squiggler

Venting wrote: »

Do I contact this girl via the website?

Yes, go for it. Send her a friendly message that refers to when you met and maybe mention your mutual friend. I wouldn't recommend going straight to the 'lines' as one poster suggested though. You could mention being surprised to find her on there. If she gets back to you suggest meeting up for coffee or something equally non-threatening and see how it goes from there.

Good luck!

princeofparma

You are obviously head over heels for this girl but maybe you could back up a bit and look at this a bit more objectively? Being detached and looking before you leap is never a bad idea. I really think for your own sake you need to ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Are you putting her on a pedestal?

2. Why are you contemplating communicating with her indirectly through a website when you have the better option of meeting and talking to her face to face?

3. How hard are you going to take it if she tells you she doesn't feel the same way about you?

I think you should have a good hard think before you make your next move.

ynul31f47k6b59

I'd just send her a message through the website saying "Hiya, do you remember me? I met you that night at xxxxxx - talk about a coincidence, was hoping I'd see you again." and leave it at that. If she's interested, she'll reply. If not, then neither of you have to put up with an awkward and tense atmosphere face-to-face.

It could turn out to be a story you tell for years to come

LegacyUser

I agree with Fittle on this one

Simply just text or call your pregnant friends and gently honestly ask if you would be possible to get her very cute friends number.

very simple.

It's not like you never talked with the girl before, you met and chatted so go for it. The good old fashion way;-)
Nothing to lose.

If it was me, the girl, I would rather be contacted by phone or text rather than via a dating site, even if im on it with a pic of me it would feel awkward to be contacted by someone I already know.

My little opinion anyway.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

princeofparma wrote: »

You are obviously head over heels for this girl but maybe you could back up a bit and look at this a bit more objectively? Being detached and looking before you leap is never a bad idea. I really think for your own sake you need to ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Are you putting her on a pedestal?

2. Why are you contemplating communicating with her indirectly through a website when you have the better option of meeting and talking to her face to face?

3. How hard are you going to take it if she tells you she doesn't feel the same way about you?

I think you should have a good hard think before you make your next move.

Hey, thanks for the reply, and I thought I'd respond to this one directly, as it raises some issues I think I should clarify.

First of all, I wouldn't say head over heels. True, she did kinda knock my socks off when I first saw her. We all have those moments when you see someone for the first time and you go all goey-eyed and what not. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, it tends to be memorable. At first I thought 'nah, would never happen' and moved on. But when I found out she was attracted to me too, I figured it was too good an oppertunity to pass up.

Okay, onto your points.

1. Yeah, it's very possible I'm putting her on a pedastal. But I'm more than aware that the bubble could be burst once I get to know her. I've been that silly teenager who declared undying love for someone very early on, had it all go wrong and thought that the one had gone. But I learned from this and I think I'm a little wiser about relationships and how first impressions are often inaccurate.

2. I'd much, much rather do the face to face thing. But my friend, the link, has (understandably) become a bit self-absorbed. Which is totally cool, and I'm delighted for her, and if I was to become a dad, I'd be totally insular too! So I don't want to keep bugging her about putting myself and the girl in the same room. I don't want to be selfish.

3. If she doesn't feel the same way, that's totally cool! I've been rejected before. More than once. Or thrice! But I'd rather have exhausted all avenues and gotten rejected than let this one slip by. I've done that before, and I hate the sense of 'what if I'd just done this.'

I know it may seem I'm over-thinking this whole thing. Maybe I am to some degree. But like I said before, this girl kinda knocked my socks off. To the point where I went against every self-preserving instinct and actually went up and started talking to her. I'm usually the type of guy who waits to be introduced before striking up a conversation. So I guess I'd like to be proactive about this. Although it could be argued I'm just being impatient.

Phew! If you made it through that post, I'll buy you a pint!

princeofparma

Venting wrote: »

Hey, thanks for the reply, and I thought I'd respond to this one directly, as it raises some issues I think I should clarify.

First of all, I wouldn't say head over heels. True, she did kinda knock my socks off when I first saw her. We all have those moments when you see someone for the first time and you go all goey-eyed and what not. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, it tends to be memorable. At first I thought 'nah, would never happen' and moved on. But when I found out she was attracted to me too, I figured it was too good an oppertunity to pass up.

Okay, onto your points.

1. Yeah, it's very possible I'm putting her on a pedastal. But I'm more than aware that the bubble could be burst once I get to know her. I've been that silly teenager who declared undying love for someone very early on, had it all go wrong and thought that the one had gone. But I learned from this and I think I'm a little wiser about relationships and how first impressions are often inaccurate.

2. I'd much, much rather do the face to face thing. But my friend, the link, has (understandably) become a bit self-absorbed. Which is totally cool, and I'm delighted for her, and if I was to become a dad, I'd be totally insular too! So I don't want to keep bugging her about putting myself and the girl in the same room. I don't want to be selfish.

3. If she doesn't feel the same way, that's totally cool! I've been rejected before. More than once. Or thrice! But I'd rather have exhausted all avenues and gotten rejected than let this one slip by. I've done that before, and I hate the sense of 'what if I'd just done this.'

I know it may seem I'm over-thinking this whole thing. Maybe I am to some degree. But like I said before, this girl kinda knocked my socks off. To the point where I went against every self-preserving instinct and actually went up and started talking to her. I'm usually the type of guy who waits to be introduced before striking up a conversation. So I guess I'd like to be proactive about this. Although it could be argued I'm just being impatient.

Phew! If you made it through that post, I'll buy you a pint!

It's always a good idea to be chatting up lots of girls and getting their numbers so that if one girl turns out not to be interested that it's no big deal. Think about going out with lots of other girls and then see if this girl is anything special. It's a bad idea to be obssessing about one girl especially before you even know she's interested. Have lots of other options available. You have to understand that a goodlooking girl has lots of guys lusting after her. You are just one of the crowd. For women, men are an abundant resource.