Do I tell or remain quite?

LegacyUser

This is just a summary but I hope you can help.

I am lat 40's and cross dresser since 5 yrs old. However I am very private and introvert and would have kept this very private, sharing only with my partners at various times in my life. It mostly involves me wearing female underwear etc. rather than full on dressing up. ( thats mainly to keep it private). I am currently living apart from partner for work reasons.

Recently one of my daughters, 24 yrs, was visiting( as she does often at weekend). She collected some of her sports gear she had left previous. It had been washed and left in a drawer. When she was gone I noticed that he drawer also contained some of my underwear, i.e. knickers, slips etc. And she must have seen them.

I have been anxious ever since. She is also quite, introvert, and would not have mentioned what she had seen. She could only come to one of two conclusions, either I was having an affair with some one or they were mine and I was cross dresser.

Since then, I have not been able to contact her. She has not answered phone or replied to text. (Although she is often slow to respond and it might mean nothing).

So what should I do. Do I just ignore it and pretend that it didn't happen, , make some excuse( don't know what) or do I tell her the truth? What ever I do, I am anxious to retain my normal relationship with my daughter.

I would be really grateful for any advice.

Miss Fluff

Do not tell your daughter. I wouldn't even bring it up. I'm sure she just presumes that these belong to your girlfriend so just stick with that story. While I condone honesty and openness, some things should really be on a need-to-know basis and your duaghter doesn't need to know about this.

AnonoBoy

Clean underwear in a drawer wouldn't make most people think you're having an affair.

And, unless she suspects already, she wouldn't jump to the cross-dressing conclusion.

I presume your partner stays in your house sometimes. If your daughter brings it up simply say "Oh they're X's knickers or whatever."

Presuming your partner knows about your cross-dressing then let her know too so she can verify it if queried.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies,

I perhaps did not make it clear enough. My partner would not have stayed in this house. The only conclusions she could come to is either that I was having an affair or that they were mine. She knows that they are not my partners ( her mother).

So do I let her believe that I am having an affairor do i tell truth? And how do I go about either

tenchi-fan

I think you should leave her alone & stop trying to phone/text her. If she didn't bring it up she doesn't want to talk about it. What makes you want to think a shy, 24 year old girl wants to know the truth? It's a non-event and you're just trying to share a lifestyle that no one gets or wants to be a part of! I don't know how I'd react if my dad told me something like that.

<snip>

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.

Ickle

LegacyUser

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I think you should leave her alone & stop trying to phone/text her. If she didn't bring it up she doesn't want to talk about it. What makes you want to think a shy, 24 year old girl wants to know the truth? It's a non-event and you're just trying to share a lifestyle that no one gets or wants to be a part of! I don't know how I'd react if my dad told me something like that.

<snip>

Tenchi-fan, I am amazed and shocked by your reply.

Perhaps I need to restate what my post was about.

I am a transvestite/cross_dresser. I wish I wasn't. I also wish I was 6" taller and a great footballer. But thats not going to happen. You clearly do not understand this aspect of inate sexuality. Being a tranvestite is not a lifestyle choice.

I have managed to keep this aspect of myself private and hidden. As I said in my post, my daughter may have recently discovered the truth. She is not a 'shy girl' but rather a 24year old mature women living with her boyfriend for some time. I mentioned she is quiet in contrast to her other sisters who would probably have asked about the discovery.

I am not constantly phoning her /texting her. Are you suggesting I should break off all contact with my daughter? We are in regular touch be phone. As I stated she would visit and often stay over at weekends. But, as I said, she is often slow at returning calls.

tenchi_fan, you have managed to combine an inability to read and comprehend what was in the original post with complete ignorance about transvestism and a total lack of empathy to the situation. With such talents, I cannot for the life of me understand why you would ever consider replying to personal issue posts. Please don't continue adding to this tread and I find your 1950's attitude neither understanding or helpful.

barleybooley

Hey OP, as someone with 3 sisters, their underwear often ends up in my drawer when the washing is put away, maybe she didn't notice or else thought nothing of it because she just presumed they belonged to one of her sisters? How did they end up there in the first place though?

Penn

barleybooley wrote: »

Hey OP, as someone with 3 sisters, their underwear often ends up in my drawer when the washing is put away, maybe she didn't notice or else thought nothing of it because she just presumed they belonged to one of her sisters? How did they end up there in the first place though?

I was about to say something similar. If asked, just say they must have been your partners and you took them to your place by accident when picking up laundry or whatever. Tell your partner too so they could confirm it if asked. But I wouldn't bring it up yourself, otherwise your making too much of an issue out of it then it needs to be.

tenchi-fan

paddyirishman85 wrote: »

otherwise your making too much of an issue out of it then it needs to be.

Agreed, this seems to be the op's main problem.

username123

Storm in a teacup - they could belong to any visitor who ever stayed, they could have mysteriously ended up in your bag from the dry cleaners/launderettes, they could have been brought home from the shops by you when you picked up the wrong bag, they could have been some relations, whatever.

Dont bring it up at all - just forget it, your daughter probably has.

thefeatheredcat

First off, it's your house, your privacy business and therefore you should not feel as though you owe an explanation or justification to what may or may not have been seen or noticed.

Have you talked to your partner as to this possible discovery (assuming you've shared this with your partner)? What does she think?

I would keep things as normal as possible and stop worrying about it. If you haven't heard from her, she's most likely just busy. There could have been any number of reasons that the underwear could have been there, such as being her sisters' that she didn't know about (not all sisters share what underwear they have or size), a gift to her sister from a boyfriend or admirer that didn't work out and thought someone else might like them, or could have been a surprise for your partner that you picked up on a whim that may have been rejected and have yet to do something about them. And besides, it's none of her business anyway, as they weren't hers.

I wouldn't confront her about it as you could be opening a can of worms that you don't want to as yet and could leave yourself open to feeling obligated to share something very private about yourself, which she may not have concluded before or had a suspicion about. Depending on her maturity and open mindedness it may come as a shock but could also be happy for you.

If she confronts you about it you do have a choice whether to make up an excuse, or indeed be upfront about it. If she confronts you about having an affair, give her absolute reassurance that you're not.

While it may seem offensive to say, she may not have met someone before that is a cross dresser and may not be able to process it. I met a guy who was a cross dresser who was in his 30s and it was through a mutual artistic group... there was a great mix of age and a varied open mentality, and while I had no problem with it and saw the person and got on and admired his courage, I found that people my own age at the time (early 20s) and older had serious problems with this and had no wish to have anything to do with him as a result. It's sad, but it does happen. However, you daughter might surprise you and be really happy for you.

If you are to open up this part of your private life to your daughters, it is probably best to do so when you are ready and willing in your own time, with support, and not out of a blunder or misunderstanding or having to justify/explain your own private life.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.

My daughter is coming in next few days to stay ( as usual). She clearly is not too bothered about what she saw.

Because of all family moving around, the underwear could not be partners or her sisters. However I am taking all your advice and I will not mention it unless she asks me about it.

thanks