I need support

LegacyUser

Hi all. I've gone unregistered for this, because firstly I feel like a complainer, secondly nobody seems to understand what is happeing with me.

I suffer from depression, anxietey disorder and.. I'm pushing everyone away. I don't mean to, but I don't want to identify the disorder here. I feel so hopless, so callous, so cold to everyone I know. I hide from them all because they don't seem to understand me and think they know better. I feel all their advice as a critizim, I make my excuses and leave.

I feel so incredibly trapped. I want no part of my current life. I fell like disappearing, but I don't know if I can deal with the guilt. The only option I have left is, not being here anymore. I've spoken to doctors, sought councelling, and Im on medication. I've done what I can. I asked my counsellor what was the best way to go.. what way would hurt less?

Theres one person in my life that brings me out of myself and makes me happy, but I dont know whats wrong with me. I'm prepared for failure and hurt all the time.


Has anyone hovered around this? I'm so sad, I just want the easy way out

Big Bag of Chips

So sad wrote: »

I've spoken to doctors, sought councelling, and Im on medication. I've done what I can.

Well then you need to do something else.
You need to find a different doctor/counsellor/medication.

You don't have to feel like this There are options to changing your mood and mindset. If you don't seem to have "clicked" with your doctor/counsellor/medication then you need to change.

EDIT: And remember the easy way out for you, is the most difficult for everyone else around you. And especially the one person who does seem to help you. Get more/different help, it is available.

Ickle Magoo

If you are not feeling better then the counselling and medication isn't right for you and you need to let your doctor know and find a different counsellor until that changes and you feel you are making progress.

All the best

thefeatheredcat

*HUG*

You're not alone OP. And you don't have to be either.
Whatever the reasons you have to push people away, can you trust and confide in the one person that makes you happy? You may be surprised that they may be there for you afterall.

From my own stint on anti depression meds, I know that not all brands and strengths work for everybody and the side effects are just as debilitating as the depression itself. If one isn't working for you, maybe another will. However, have you discussed with your GP as to other alternatives to swallowing a pill? If you're taking meds for depression and an anxiety disorder, could it be possible that the meds in question are conflicting and effectively, each one striking the other out?

What's the reasoning behind pushing people away? Is it because you think they don't understand, they actually don't understand, you don't feel worth to be their friend, or that there's a negative association with these people?

There are other options than the same counsellor... if they are not understanding that you are at risk of suicide or you feel that their help is not enough, then you need to find a counsellor that can identify that and help you further.

I've been at the point in my life a few times when I thought suicide was the only answer I had to get me out of the unhappy mess I was in...... and thankfully I never actually had the ability to do that, although I did cut it close. However, having confronted the problems directly has made me a stronger, happier person, with or without meds and counselling, and I still feel to this day, now and again, sure it would be a heck of a lot easier just to off myself and not to struggle anymore, but I'm very stubborn and have always found that finding positive things, even if there's bare minimum hope or chance, has been a comfort. Plus, the satisfaction and pride I get from overcoming my struggles makes it all worth it and is certainly far, far better than killing myself.
I'm not willing to give in or give up. Take that as your mantra. Know that how you're feeling now, isn't going to last forever.

Maybe you should confide in that one person who makes you happy and take you out of yourself. If you disconnected yourself from them, I'm sure they would have been worried about you. Have they tried to contact you? (I have a friend I suspect as being in a similar situation and would welcome them back in open arms cos I've been so worried about them). Reach out to them, you may be pleasantly surprised. Be around things that do make you feel happy... I find cats, dogs, horses and cows to be the best of company because there's no judgement from them and no need to make a huge effort. Dogs and cats in particular are great for sensing a human sadness and are great comforters when all else fails... not just from my own experience, but from sadly having to see other struggle, but they always come through when nobody else can.


EDIT:
The person that made you happy, were they also a source of support/encouragement for you in the past? If so, I think that maybe you need to really reconnect with this person, if they care for you and know the obstacles you're facing now, chances are they'd want to be there for you and provide you with the support you need and help however necessary.

Improbable

I agree with thefeatheredcat. No matter how bad things are, there is always hope if you look hard enough. Even though we may not know you, we care about you.

Princess Peach

I've been feeling the exact same lately. I've been trying to come off my anti depressants and it hasn't been working out so well for me, I've been feeling really down and crying a lot. My friends just dont understand and dont try to be supportive. One friend said she doesnt like to be around me while I'm so negative and another friend called me dramatic so to be fair to the I've just been keeping to myself a lot, no need for me to drag them down. I dont think talking it through with them would do any good, they have noticed I've not been well lately and none of them have made any effort with me at all. I decided that I cant go on like this anymore so I'm gonna try ot go back to councelling and see my doctor at the end of the month to see what I'll do with my meds. I know its a horrible feeling to be alone and not know how to make yourself feel better but talking about it has been helping me, despite the fact that I'm talking with strangers online, but we know what you're going through!

thefeatheredcat

Hey OP,

feeling any better about things lately? Hope you've spoken to your GP about things.