Girlfriend has come home and seems different

LegacyUser

Been going out with my girlfriend 4 years. Im 23, she is 21.

She has been abroad for the past 7 weeks with her friends touring South America. We talked most days but some days we couldnt because the areas she was in were very remote and she had no signal. Since she is back she seems fairly distant.
The first night she came back I stayed in her house, all we did was watch TV and she was on facebook for a good 2-3hrs talking to her friends (the same ones she was abroad with). Then around 1am we went to bed because she was wrecked (understandable, trip home took over 24hrs), Next morning we woke up and i asked her if she wanted to go for dinner that night. To which she declined because she was going to 'the girls house' (again the same ones she had spent the 7 weeks in South America with). At this point i got fairly pissed off. I havnt seen her in 7 weeks and all she seems to want to do is talk to her friends on facebook and call up to them.
She is back 5 days so far. We have only met up twice in that time, both of which were fairly brief, id hardly say we spent quality time together (excluding the first night she arrived home). She text me yesterday and told me she is going to Ennis for a few days to see her college friends (saying she hasnt seen them in weeks) and that she is leaving in the morning. This pissed me off even more so i told her id like to see her tonight and i would cook her dinner.
Now she is just after canceling dinner because she has to wash clothes and stuff for Ennis, i decided to let that one go.

Now though I see her status and for the last hour and a bit she has been on facebook chatting to the same ol' friends as usual. If she had any drive to see me she would be washing her clothes and not on Facebook.

It just seems as if she doesnt want to see me at all. Like we are (used to be before South America) really close. We spend a good amount of time together just hanging out and chilling and what not. But since she has come back she seems really distant and as if she cant be bothered to see me. Im really upset about this because i was really looking forward to seeing her again and now i feel like an ex boyfriend tbh.

Am i over reacting? Id love someone to judge my thought on the whole thing.

miec

Oh dear Op

The signs are really bad, I believe it is best to judge a person by their actions not by what they say and her actions are saying very loudly that she does not care for you, if I was with someone and had been away from them for seven weeks, and I cared for them, I'd be all over them when I saw them again, she is avoiding because I suspect her feelings for you have changed. I would brace myself for a 'it's not you, it's me' type conversation, if I were you.

CDfm

No you are not overreacting. a friend of mine says absence makes the heart wander.

Thats how it seems and I would go with my instinct.

finbarrk

Luckily you are plenty young enough to find another one if this relationship isn't going anywhere. You are both a bit young for anything serious maybe.

tenchi-fan

In her mind she's still on holiday, and her friends are keeping up that illusion.. whereas you probably remind her that the holiday's over. That's no excuse though.., you'd imagine she'd be happy to see you! Instead she's just avoiding you without really caring about how that makes you feel.

4 years is a long time to be going out so young.

AnonoBoy

Serious time to sit down and have the talk OP.

Her time away has made her realise she wants out of the relationship or else something happened while she was gone.

Time to be direct and honest with her.

girvtheswerve

You need to sit her down and ask her about this. No point speculating.

Good luck with it

Kimono-Girl

you really should sit down and talk with her,be careful you do not throw accusations at her or you may make this worse, but maybe then you'll find your answer at least.

Good Luck OP

Beruthiel

shes changed wrote: »

The first night she came back I stayed in her house, all we did was watch TV and she was on facebook for a good 2-3hrs talking to her friends (the same ones she was abroad with).

She's 21, has been away for 7 weeks and didn't jump your bones as soon as she saw you. Instead she watched TV and chatted to her friends until 1am.

Next morning we woke up and i asked her if she wanted to go for dinner that night. To which she declined because she was going to 'the girls house'

Again, after 7 weeks, she didn't want to spend the evening with you.

We have only met up twice in that time, both of which were fairly brief, id hardly say we spent quality time together

Now she is just after canceling dinner because she has to wash clothes and stuff for Ennis, i decided to let that one go.

Sorry OP, but right about now, she's working out how to break the news.
In fact, I'd say she doesn't know how to and is expecting you to work it out of your own accord.
The above actions are not that of a girl delighted to see her b/f after 7 weeks apart.
Expect the worst.

LegacyUser

OP Here,

Thanks for the replies folks,

Talked to her last night about the whole situation.
She didnt say she wanted to break up at all and she never said she cheated (which i kind of believe because the girls she was on holidays with have boyfriends for longer than myself and my girlfriend have been going out, her group isnt the cheating type), she was saying that the reason she wants to spend time with her friends before she starts placement for college. Which will consist of working 3 days a week, 2 of those days will be 12hr shifts and one 8hr shift. She also works a normal job at the weekends so she wont be going out and wont be seeing her friends so wants to see them before she starts placement.
Like everytime she is on placement she stays in my house most days of the week because my house is really near her workplace so its handy for her so she said thats when we will spend our quality time together. But that isnt for another 2 weeks like.

We spent the night together last night. Just hung out, we cooked dinner, watched a DVD, we had sex, fell asleep and woke up this morning. She was very cuddly in bed, she wasnt distant at all and since our talk yesterday she seems a bit more different and seems to be more affectionate now.

Like i dont know if i am reading into things too much. I really love this girl and yeah i know i am young but that has never been an issue for me before. I am afraid i am reading into this too much and if i talk to her about it again that she will think im too clingy.

I just dont know what to do. I love this girl to bits and i dont want to break up with her if i am wrong. Its hard to take advice from strangers on the internet when its the one you love at stake (no offense to ye i appreciate the advice your giving me its just not what i wanted to hear)

CDfm

It does look like this.

There is always a bit of the grass is always greener. She may also have a cookie friend in the group who is telling her this is how I treat my boyfriend but even if that is so she is responsible for her own behavior.

I have an ex who periodically contacts me and when we broke up I had talked it over with a very close female friend who said she was a manipulative lula.

So when you do have your chat don't allow yourself to be sucked into its all your fault. Be good to yourself.

krudler

After being in another country for almost 2 months she's probably seen that theres more to life than what she had before and has probably gotten the travelling bug, doesnt look good op..

Acoshla

OP I did this when my ex came home from a summer travelling, I avoided him for almost a week using every excuse I could think of, because I couldn't face the thought of telling him I wanted us to break up.

Now I'm not saying for definite that that's what your girlfriend wants to do but she is definitely avoiding you for some reason, so the best thing to do is to sit her down and make her tell you, it's horrible to keep avoiding someone like that.

Gone Fishin

Sorry for the situation you are in. I hate to be harsh but the writing is on the wall. As a previous poster said, it is a long time to be going out with someone at such a young age. To be fair to her, she has probably just had her eyes opened to the world out there when she was travelling, which is perfectly fine. She is not exactly avoiding you but she is putting distance between you. Her head is messed up and she may have been bitten by the travelling bug. I know you love her and she probably does to you but she is being a bit unfair by not confronting the issue. Take the bull by the horns, you probably know already what is going to happen here. Let her go and move on.