Getting a life

LC2010HIS

Hey
so, basically, im going to be headin to college soon enough. a new chapter.
but, my mam said something to me that made me really think.

she said i do alot of self doubting. and its true i do. but i feel its only because ive always felt like im not good enough compared to everyone else. in relationships,friendships,school, work etc

i think life is too short for that but i literally cannot help it.
my secondary school life was a disaster, and it twisted my perception of myself due to negative friends etc

thing is, i dont wanna be like that. i wanna go to college and succeed in all quarters...just to believe in myself and believe that not everyone hates me and stop being paranoid....
how can i ??:eek:

thanks

tenchi-fan

Hi
Your mother did you a huge favour by telling you that! When you identify your problems they'll be easier to solve.

My advice is just to be ridiculously positive about everything, tell people you're looking forward to nights out, after an exam just say "I did my best" and if someone keeps p!ssing you off just cut them out rather than trying to "make it work" .. just surround yourself with positive people too.

Also, make time for hobbies and interests so that you always have a busy schedule.

And avoid binge drinking I suppose. Alcohol is a depressant and can bring out the worst in people particularly when you feel insecure.

PS Best of luck with college!!

mikemac

LC2010HIS wrote: »

she said i do alot of self doubting. and its true i do. but i feel its only because ive always felt like im not good enough compared to everyone else. in relationships,friendships,school, work etc

Wow, something I know a lot about.
And this can follow you around for life, you might get through college but in a career with appraisals it'll be picked up on and hold you back.

Surround yourself with positive people. In college you are going to meet negative people, people who would make you depressed in a few minutes. Ditch them!

Be positive in all you do.
Even if you're feeling low, stand tall, smile and walk confidently and you can change your state.

Don't refuse any invitations so throw yourself in new societies and meet new people.

And yeah, lay off the binge drinking

LegacyUser

Allow me to play devils advocate for a moment. Is it necessarily bad to doubt yourself? And what is so great about consistent optimism. The most interesting and entertaining people I know are introspective, skeptical and pessimistic!

If you are self doubting, so be it. I guarantee an analytical person is way more interesting than your typical run of the mill airhead, always positive - always boring!

Leeg17

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Hi
Your mother did you a huge favour by telling you that! When you identify your problems they'll be easier to solve.

My advice is just to be ridiculously positive about everything, tell people you're looking forward to nights out, after an exam just say "I did my best" and if someone keeps p!ssing you off just cut them out rather than trying to "make it work" .. just surround yourself with positive people too.

Also, make time for hobbies and interests so that you always have a busy schedule.

And avoid binge drinking I suppose. Alcohol is a depressant and can bring out the worst in people particularly when you feel insecure.

PS Best of luck with college!!

I agree with all of this but one part.

Alcohol is a depressant yes, but in terms of physical effects on the body. It suppresses the Nervous System, hence when you're drunk you slur your words, are a bit dodgy walking etc. It does give people the confidence sometimes to reveal some inner thoughts and feelings, but it doesn't necessarily make them depressed.

LC, drink if you want to, let's face it you're more likely to meet new people on a night out than sitting at home by yourself on a Saturday night.

When you're going into college, sure you'll make new friends in class, but join any clubs and socs you're interested in. It's one of the best ways to meet new people!

Best of luck in college OP, enjoy it.

tenchi-fan

Leeg17 wrote: »

I agree with all of this but one part.

I didn't say don't drink. I didn't even mean don't binge drink. As someone with some traits the op described I'm speaking from experience, I just meant be careful about binge drinking.

I know some of the most successful people I know from college were the ones who went out and had a few bottles and the craic, and went to the gym the next morning.. rather than getting sick on their shoes and avoiding people for a few days!

Leeg17

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I didn't say don't drink. I didn't even mean don't binge drink. As someone with some traits the op described I'm speaking from experience, I just meant be careful about binge drinking.

I know some of the most successful people I know from college were the ones who went out and had a few bottles and the craic, and went to the gym the next morning.. rather than getting sick on their shoes and avoiding people for a few days!

Sorry. I'm not disagreeing with you on the binge drinking part. Just about it being a "depressant", from your post I interpreted it as being an emotional depressant, when in fact it's a physical depressant, also giving people confidence to reveal stuff they normally wouldn't.

I'd rather not go overboard with drink either, and be able to enjoy and remember the night, heck even be productive the next day

Kevo

Your Mum was right to tell you that. I had a negative view of myself in college and didn't make the most of it. I did well but I missed out on other things.

I think you should join a few clubs and societies and really put an effort into it.

Also, don't use drink as a crutch. I saw a lot of shy people in college who tried to overcome their insecurities by getting plastered. It doesn't work out well and it looks rather pathetic to others. That doesn't mean don't drink just don't be a drunken fool.


Edit: I see that I am just repeating what has already been said.

JuliusCaesar

LC2010HIS wrote: »

ive always felt like im not good enough compared to everyone else. in relationships,friendships,school, work

That's your point of view at the moment. Do you ever see it differently? Do you ever think one person seems to like you? Have you ever thought, actually I did do that ok? I actually did get the points so I can't be that crap at school?

Has anyone ever had a different point of view on you? Sometimes outsiders see you more objectively - even if they are your mother!

dan_d

OP - can you get rid of this idea of going to college and succeeding in all quarters.

Because the likelihood is that it won't happen, and that you'll beat yourself up even further.

Personally, I'm 5 years out of college, and I've never had a worse crisis of confidence in myself than in the last 2 years at work. My boyfriend tells me that I'm awfully hard on myself. I don't know what you're like, but people who want to achieve as much as they can tend to be extremely hard on themselves.

One thing I do know is that the person I was going into college is not the same person that I was coming out of college.

You need to learn to go with the flow. Put yourself out there. Set yourself goals - not necessarily academic ones. The first few months of college are not easy, unless you're a very outgoing person. It is hard to make new friends - I mean think about it. When was the last time you found yourself in a group of complete strangers that you had to get to know over a period of months?

Don't be afraid to talk to people. They are feeling just as lonely and awkward and scared as you are.They just hide it.Set yourself goals like - I'm going to know the names of, and be able to say hi to 2 people by the end of the first week - or something like that.

Put yourself out there, strike up conversations with strangers. Join societies - let yourself be scared at new situations!Take up a hobby you know nothing about from scratch, it's a great way to meet new people. Skip the odd lecture, go to the cinema at 10 in the morning (reduced price tickets for students in cineworld early in the day!!), visit the zoo on a Wednesday afternoon, get lost trying to find your lecture theatre, miss the last bus home, fail the odd test, go to the class nights out...these are all experiences that add up to growing up and enjoying college.(the memories!!:D)

Bear in mind that a lot of friendships grow through sharing experiences with people. You can't share experiences with people if you don't go out there and experience anything. We learn from our mistakes and nobody is perfect. It's very hard for those who are hard on themselves to loosen the grip enough to relax and enjoy life and just go with it, but it's something you need to learn. College is a fantastic time of your life, make the absolute best of it that you can.