Sexually confused

asleepordead

Ok, Im 17 and Im aware of the fact that sexual exploration and confusion is all a part of being a teenager. But I really just dont know what to do.

Im not feminine. I dont care about accesories or fashion or what my hair looks like. Im your regular, run of the mill guy. In fact, I really really dont like effeminate men, they freak me out.

When I look at a girl, I can see theyre beautiful, I can appreciate their breasts and curves and everything. But there's no attraction there. When Im kissing girls and whatever, Im really just going through the movements. Theres no sexual motives behind anything.

When I look at a handsome boy, its like a fire inside me. I dont even need to see him naked or kiss him, just to hold his hand or smell him brings on something I cant explain.

But I dont want to be labelled as gay, because i dont feel I AM gay. I WANT to sleep with girls, I WANT to be attracted to girls. Its like im a homophobic guy who likes men, and I dont know what to do.

LegacyUser

None of the gay guys I know are effeminate. They're just regular dudes who happen to be gay. You don't have to be a sterotype to be gay, just fancy guys not girls.

asleepordead

Sorry, by saying I wasnt effeminate I didnt mean all gay people ARE effeminate, I was just trying to give you a clearer picture of the situation

tenchi-fan

You basically said you're attracted to guys but want to be attracted to girls. That's more denial than confusion. I think you need to consider the fact that you might at least be bisexual.

seenitall

tenchi-fan wrote: »

You basically said you're attracted to guys but want to be attracted to girls. That's more denial than confusion. I think you need to consider the fact that you might at least be bisexual.

You started well, tenchi-fan. BUT how can someone be bisexual if they are not attracted to one of the sexes at all?

OP, you seem to be homosexual. I am sorry if you were brought up in an environment conducive to homophobia or similar - if that is the case, you will have no choice but to un-learn this thinking. You should know that there is nothing inherently wrong with being attracted to men (i.e. being homosexual), at least in the eyes of anyone who hasn't been ideologically indoctrinated by the Catholic Church and other similar organisations. You have the right to be attracted to men and have a fulfilling emotional and sexual life, just as any straight person.

I hope you start accepting these things, and accepting yourself, sooner rather than later. Perhaps some counselling would be a good start?

Best wishes.

tenchi-fan

seenitall wrote: »

You started well, tenchi-fan. BUT how can someone be bisexual if they are not attracted to one of the sexes at all?

Nah you just missed my point. A lot of gay adolescents find it easier to identify themselves as bisexual before admitting that they're really gay

seenitall

Oh! Is that what it was? Oops I've kind of blown that half-way compromise then, haven't I?

I do prefer the more direct approach to issues like this one, I hope the OP won't mind...

tenchi-fan

seenitall wrote: »

Oh! Is that what it was? Oops I've kind of blown that half-way compromise then, haven't I?

I do prefer the more direct approach to issues like this one, I hope the OP won't mind...

the more direct approach is better but isn't for everyone!

unreggd

seenitall wrote: »

You have the right to be attracted to men and have a fulfilling emotional and sexual life, just as any straight person

Yup, and you also have the right to a personal life

It's not a necessity to decide for yourself what "label" you are, then go tellin people that's what you are


There's loads of guys like you, you prob just think they're straight :P

I'd be the same as you, but now and again I get random girl crushes. So just go along with it.

Your only 17, dont miss out

kjl

OP

I'm

30 and I still really

don't

know what I am. I have come to accept that I must be bisexual as I am sexually attracted to both sexes, but I only attracted to women.

It sounds to me like you might be gay, but you need to know

that's

not a bad thing, in fact the way you described your attraction to men sounded like a beautiful thing. I think it's almost in to be gay now, we are not the same homophobic nation we once were and Ireland

especially

have become very gay friendly. My advice it to seek out a guy and try it out, hold his hand or whatever floats you boat. And if you are gay, wear it proud mate. You will be respected 10x more for having balls to admit it and maybe it might encourage some other closet guys to come out too.

Bottle_of_Smoke

A lot of homosexuals guys act effeminate but its usaully put on so others know they're gay.

You don't have to do that. A mate of mine isn't in anyway camp/effeminate but is definitely gay.

No matter how much you want to be straight, life doesnt work that way. Being gay is completely normal. There's around 600,000,000 homosexuals on the planet. Don't let it upset you

GalwayGuy92

Everyone else seems very concerned with how you label yourself (yuk, cliched I know). No one answered what to do. Long story short you don't have to do anything really unless you want to. You're still young and I don't know if you're in college yet but if you are then join the LGBT society or just go to one of their events or something maybe you could meet a guy here who you will like. It may be a better place to meet a guy if you just want to take things slow because guys in bars can (not always) want to move a bit faster.

If you are thinking about what/when do I tell people, then thats up to you. Make sure you're ready to tell people and for people to know, I wasn't and things kinda ran away on me and suddenly everyone knew and I didnt like that. There are alot of threads about coming out in the LGBT forum here which really helped me.

whatsamsn

Op, maybe you should experiement. Do something with a guy. Only then will you know what you like. (and just for the record I am a 100% straight guy :P So im not a gay man telling you to "try it, you'll love it" speech as you know yourself with people do - sharing their own life choices) - but I, just like most people, realise you should never lie to yourself.)

Alot of people try things sexual in life, and not necessary doing sexual stuff with members of the same sex. Theres alot of experimentation.
off the top off my head, in my experience alot of women try anal sex (oddly enough as it may seem) yet the majority dont do it past that one time - thats just one form of experimentation.

So .. i say just try something. Then you will know what you like. I know a mate who is 22 and told me one night he kissed and guy and did other things (he was drunk lol) .. i chalked it up to him just experimenting. cause i know he is not gay or bi.

Dwn Wth Vwls

You don't feel that you're gay because you have this preconceived idea of what being gay is. Being gay is "this" but I'm "that". Being gay is "different" and whatever other adjectives you might apply to it, wrong, weird, girly, who knows. This is the part you need to realise is wrong. Being a gay man is just exactly what you described. A man who is attracted to men, and not to women. That's it, nothing else.

You don't "become" gay. You are exactly the same person, the only thing stopping you is the denial. You want to be attracted to girls because it's "normal" and it's what you feel society expects of you. When you accept that this is just who you are, you can learn to appreciate it.

Being a teenager is confusing yes, and sexuality is fluid and changing yes, but what you described is pretty clear cut. You've probably always felt this way, so even if it does change, it won't be overnight. You need to deal with the homophobia and accept yourself for what you are. There's nothing wrong with it!

You say to even imagine holding a guy's hand lights a fire inside you. That's a great feeling, appreciate it! You're only 17, give yourself a chance to get used to it, and in time you'll realise that labels are just words.

cooltown

I feel the same as you!
I am an 18 year old. I had those feelings awhen I tought I might be gay. I hated it. I wanted it to go away. I am not an out and guy and I'm keeping it that way. I was told to go to belongto and it didn't work. I didn't connect with any of the guys there. It might work for you buy it wasn't for me. If your gay it doesn't matter. Its only part of you!

CdeC

The road to coming out and self acceptance is a long process.
You have to learn to love yourself no matter who or what you are. Being gay does not define you but it is a part of you. Most gay guys are not camp or effeminate.
Also trying to force yourself to be with girls is bad for you and for them. Your body and mind are telling you what you are attracted to. take your time, you are in control of how you pursue this. Don't feel pressure to conform to anything gay/straight/bi etc

I have heard this story before, read through some old threads on here in the LGB forum. Lots of young guys, into sports and such having the same issue. Being gay doesn't make you less of a man.

best of luck.