'On a break' advice needed

LegacyUser

I broke up with the guy I was seeing a few months ago, it was a hard year for various reasons and we ended up having alot of blazing rows so we decided to leave each other alone til it all calmed down a bit. We were out of contact for several weeks and recently met up. We agreed we still care for each other and would like a future together but feel there are still things we both need to work out for ourselves before a reunion could be attempted.

We spoke about having been with other people while apart, Ive had a few random kisses, he's slept with someone. We wern't together afterall and still aren't, although I dont like the idea that he's had sex with someone else, I realise we are in a limbo state trying to figure out what we want, and freedom to explore has to be part of that.
Personally I dont have any interest in sex with someone I have no real feelings for.
I met a guy recently who seems like someone Id like to get to know, but Im unsure if persuing someone else is the wisest course of action. On one hand, Im not sure being with other people for the next few months is the best way to figure out how we feel about each other. On the other I dont want to ignore the possibility that we may not have a future together and I dont want to close myslef off to meeting someone I might like.

Can anyone offer any opinions on this?

miec

If you broke up, how can you make it work again, it is not that I am being naive, well maybe I am, but if something is broken (in this case the relationship) can it be fixed?

You need to answer that question first before involving yourself with someone else, if it is truly over with your ex then fair enough, if not I would not mess with someone else's feelings.

Woddle

As Hector (I think he said it) say let yourself go, do your bit of slutting about and then see where your at and see what you want.
There doesn't always have to be an emotional attachment with sex.

CDfm

You guys have feelings for each other but really it is over so it is not a break.

He has slept with someone else - now for me sleeping with someone I have needed feelings for them so I think you maybe are carrying a torch for your ex. So he has moved on.

You should too as it has been left up in the air and tbh you guys may never sort your issues out cos if you were going to do that you would be having couple counseling.

It seems well over to me.

So take it slowly and try to get to know your new potential partner at your own pace. Dont do anything you dont want too and that includes sex until you feel its right for you.

IrishEyes19

Personally I don't ever like the words "lets take a break," because often the person who suggests those words is actually "over" the relationship and just looking for the easy route to let the relationship slide away. Now often it can be mutual. But I also agree that once someone sleeps with someone else, surely it is over as if it was truly love, sleeping with someone else should be the last thing on either party's mind to be honest.

LegacyUser

Original poster here.

It has gone through my mind that if he really still thought there was a chance for us he wouldnt have slept with someone else.

We never really used the term 'on a break'. We broke up, there was alot of pressure on both of us, we were taking it out on each other and I think we both just needed to get away form it. I used the term 'on a break' because we've had that conversation where we admitted we'ed still like a future together, it just doesnt seem possible until alot of other stuff in our lives is dealt with.

When he told me he'd slept with someone, and its someone he knows which makes it worse. (he hasnt seen her since) I took it to mean he was moving on and I should too. It was a while later that we had the conversation about a possible future.

I like what CDfm said about not doing anything before Im ready. Very wise, for all concerned.

Whynotme

There doesn't always have to be an emotional attachment with sex.

For some people there does.

CDfm's advice is good. As usual. Go with the flow. If your ex is meant to be the one it will work out eventually. Don't become a hermit in the meantime.