Am I in the wrong

LegacyUser

Hi,
So a few weeks ago I went on a date with someone I met on an online dating site.

We had texted for a few days before the date and I thought she was a nice girl and enjoyed texting. I got the impression that she was very self conscious and had a bad image of herself from some of her texts. This kind of put me off but I dicided to go on the date anyway. The date was grand but she was talking as though we were now a couple and tbh I'm not really interested. She's a very nice girl but it was just a first date and I was a bit fraked out.

So I decided not to see her again.

The problem is that she is taking it quite badly and seems quite upset. I feel very guily about this. I feel I should have walked away when she started talking negatively about herself as she is obviously fragile and I should only have met up with her if I knew I was interested.

At the same time I think it was just a date and she is being very unreasonable. I'm thinking of just not replying to her texts as I have already explained the situation.

So my question is am I in the wrong?

Cheers,
Dave

Cheap Thrills!

You're not wrong at all.

Just blank her.

whatsamsn

you're not wrong at all
you just werent interested.


she sounds like she is just a very lonely person. Probably a bit emotional because of that.
Its harsh to say but thats life. If you dont like someone you dont date someone. She would be quick enough to do the same to some guy she didnt like not matter how he acted.


op, thats just life.
You said you've explained it to her... so only thing left to do is blank her.

niceoneted

No you are not wrong. People meet up for dates in order to determine whether they should establish a relationship. Sometimes this can take one or two dates other times more dates. For her to see you as a couple from the get go of meeting is a bit off. I would feel like you.
If you haven't explained this to her do, then ignore from there on in.

implausible

You're not in the wrong at all. As another poster gave a good definition of what a date is. You're obviously a nice guy if you cared enough to post here, so don't beat yourself up. If you have explained the situation to her, she shouldn't be surprised that you're not texting her back. Make sure you tell her that you're not interested, you won't be texting her back and maybe that she shouldn't come across so heavy on a first date. You'll be doing her a favour.

CDfm

That is a very hard one by the way and I often find the whole online thing weird. You know -getting to know someone and not having met them.

Its quiet feasable that she thought you were friends without having met or she could have prattled on to overcome shyness. Who knows.

Does online chatting count as a relationship - not to me but for some people its very real. All this stuff about emotional cheating goes over my head.

So this is what I think - without being overly analytical about it just say to her that you are not looking for a realitionship just at the moment and tell her that you had a great time and it would not be fair on her. Its not wrong to give someone a confidence boost and this girl may need it.

Blanking someone is a bit childish unless they are a real nutcase.

A friend of mine who is well known but not a celebrety tells of a situation where he was at a dinner and another guest a woman told him about being out with him years before. So it is a small world.

Be nice but if you cant be-blank her.

MistyCheese

You're not in the wrong. You don't owe this girl anything. The two of you went on one date, you decided she wasn't for you, you ended it. Sounds like you were honest and upfront.

It's unfortunate for this girl that she has problems but they are her problems, not yours, and not your responsibility. You would have been wrong to string her along.

darad

She has low self esteem. Be her friend, if you liked her and got along ok, offer her this relationship and if she refuses then its her loss.

gandalf

This is why you go on dates. You may get along online like a house on fire but have no chemistry at all when you meet face to face. This is obviously the case here with added self esteem issues on her side. Just be straight with her and say that she is the kind of girl you would like as a friend as darad suggests but you don't feel that there is any relationship potential there. Its then her decision. Does she want you as a friend or not.