We've lost our spark

LegacyUser

Myself and my boyfriend have been going out for 7 years now and we've hit a rough patch - the dreaded 7 year itch!

We are both in our late 20's, and have been living together (renting) for 2 years, and recently it feels like our 'spark' has gone.
I know relationships change and evolve during their course, and ours has over the 7 years, but this feels different. It feels like it could break us if something doesn't change.

He isn't from my county, but moved here from across the country to be with me 6 years ago. He found it hard at first to make friends and find his feet here, but he finally has.
Only problem being, his new life seems to have taken over and despite living together, we don't see much of each other.
We also both have very demanding jobs that take up a lot of our time.

Sex was off the cards for quite some time due to a medical issue.
The issue has passed now, but our sex life hasn't returned. I'm sure if we just got back into the swing of things it would be great...maybe we're just out of practise? (I can't help but feel this is playing a huge part on why we're having trouble).
The issue was with me, and I am still quite wary of having sex. I'm finding it very difficult to relax into it, so it usually ends up with fooling around, but no actual sex.

It's like we've forgotten how to have fun together, and I worry that the lack of sex has put him off me

I don't know what advice I'm looking for to be honest. Just helps to talk sometimes.

Cheers for any help.

girlyhappyface

Why don't you plan a mini break, just to a hotel or B and B in Ireland. Get some sexy undies, toys etc. Name it with him. Tell him that you feel like yiz are going through a lull- he will have noticed too. By mentioning it, you will show him you care about fixing it.

Go out on dates, plan activities that you both like doing together- even if it's just going to see gigs, going bowling, cinema etc. Remember what you used to do when you first started going out with each other.

Don't worry, every relationship has its up and down times and if you truly love each other, it will work out You just have to make changes.

Neyite

its important to talk. a lot of couples go through droughts in the bedroom, work, sports, injury, illness, kids, etc etc all can take over, but if you dont say anything to him he might think that you are happy with a sexless relationship and that is more worrying than the lack of shagging.

so have a conversation, tell him you miss it, and want to get back into good habits with him, but you are wary, and explain why. i would bet that he will welcome and be really happy to have this chat with you. keep it light and good humoured, but find out what he feels, what he would like, and tell him the same. there are plenty of times you wont have sex, but as long as he knows its because you both are busy, and not because you dont want to, thats the most important thing. find out ways that you can work on being less wary, and involve him in those ways, so he can help you.

if you are both busy, you need to set a date night once a week. you dont even have to go out - a DVD snuggled up under a blanket on the sofa is just as good. set aside regular weekends too, where its just you two doing something together. baths together,massages, random snogs and cuddles, etc all are non sexual, but add to intimacy. saucier stuff can follow from that when you are ready.

hippy_hi

Did you ever notice that the more sex you have the more you want and so if you dont have sex for ages then you dont want sex...Just do it and you'll feel better for it and more relaxed after and want more yipeeeeee:D