My Autobiography

It begins.

My eye started to bleed, then suddenly, there was an explosion- normal human beings would perish, but me being superhuman, survived. The blood in my eyes turned to gold, then I realized that my arm was broken. Deep in the forest I was when I found a bandage on the floor, I wrapped it round my leg to support my arm- It was then I realized both my legs and arm were missing...

baaaa

Is it over?

This is only chapter one, I want feedback!

Then silently I heard a loud noise echoing in the open forest. I held my breath so I could hear the mysterious noise, but I couldn't hear anything, after holding my breath for 30 minutes I decided to call it quits.
Having no arms and legs was proving to be hard to walk. I carried on walking like no man, no living creature had seen before in the millions of years they walked the earth.
My teeth started to bleed, spraying with blood I couldn't see where I was going, it was that time... Time to brush my teeth- luckly I found a tooth brush and a tube of toothpaste on the velvet carpet of the forest....

There was an earthquake... Things began to shake buildings began to fall.
In my back pocket- I just happened to of been carrying a rictor scalereader, it read 12.6.
As things couldn't get worse the enemy began to fire
back. Still deep in the forest I got down on my belt buckle and began to craw under the barbed wire fence. I had a itch on my leg and decided to take a scratch, but then of course I had no legs or arms and my head was hanging on by the artery.
The earth quake managed to course some sort of flood, it looked like water but it was red like blood... In fact it was blood. Within seconds it was upon my neck then it dropped down to about foot level-just above my boot.
I was very scared and soiled my brand new white underpants. I decided to inspect, they were brown inside. I decided to start swimming, remembering that I was an ex-Olympic swimmer I burst into a butterfly stroke swimming at about 20mph.
I banged my head into a cactus, face first, my eyeballs were hanging out by a vein- I sneezed with my eyes open the my eyeballs were back in the normal position.

To be continued.........

Will he survive or will he die...

Deep in the forest of divine death prayers I started to feel a bit dizzy. This was of course due to my head hanging on just by the artery. I had been losing 5 litres of blood a minute, at the same time I was feeling hungry!
Weaving in and out of the trees, at a running speed of 70mph, something caught my eye- it was shinning and glimpsing about 3 meters under the forest bed. Luckily enough there was a JCB left next to the tree, I used it to start digging. To my surprise it was a needle and thread- I started to sow my head back on which of course was proofing difficult without any arms and legs. Being a highly skilled and determined superhuman I managed to so it on with no problems. I had a terrible itch on my leg, as I looked down I noticed from my belly button down the lower part of my body was missing, I was paralysed, but in the shock reaction I started to masturbate. I ejaculated a river of sperm and was in danger of drowning.....


To be continued...

Will he survive or will he die...

baaaa

:eek:

cobsie

padraiggg in another guise?

this doesn't hold a candle to Trent!

Brendog

Myself and Sciencenerd tried telling him that....

we really did!




Its more an example of drunk Boards-ing

Brendog

Brendog wrote: »

Myself and Sciencenerd tried telling him that....

we really did!

Its more an example of drunk Boards-ing

Sciencenerd and I.

stbrennan

I personally think your story is excellent.




You must have got a very good result for English leaving certificate.

D3 Honours.

stbrennan

Thats a really good result.
good for you!


Hope you got the course you wanted aswell

I did.
Dundalk It
DK614 Business Studies 85 Points

stbrennan

Deleted User wrote: »

I did.
Dundalk It
DK614 Business Studies 85 Points

cool story bro!

Well at least its what you wanted, and you'll always have your novel to fall back on.

I've already been offered a 7 book contract with Penguin courtesy of this. Children will love it!

stbrennan

Deleted User wrote: »

I've already been offered a 7 book contract with Penguin courtesy of this. Children will love it!

If only that were true. You should set it up as a learning book for kids in secondary school doing CSPE or Biology.....maybe even Religion!

stbrennan

stbrennan wrote: »

If only that were true. You should set it up as a learning book for kids in secondary school doing CSPE or Biology.....maybe even Religion!

I think it would only suit Religion due to the retardation of the book of which I've produced.

stbrennan

Deleted User wrote: »

I think it would only suit Religion due to the retardation of the book of which I've produced.

Just like this picture...only the content of the book is "Sadistic Torture Porn"