Re-Match; a rediscovered poem I wrote a few years ago

silent sage

*I should point out that the poem begins with a premise that dreams of losing teeth indicate a fear of growing old. Comments/opinions welcome.




Re-Match



Flickering eyelids dream loosely hanging white teeth,
Too young to have these visions,
Crystelline remembrance of what was meant to happen,
A staple of laboured thoughts, frozen to form indented bordering cracks,

Holding responsible, a friend I'll see regardless,
Holding witness, a complete foreign audience,
This penetrating niggling defect,
Refusing to accept a society of oneself,

Passing an ambition, at a different rate for a silent observer,
To play broadly with an enemy I know dear,

Widespread arms to welcome, chin to the sky,
The domain of the speculative brought a timely intervention,

Ever, overcoming all,
I'm holding grudges with tomorrow

jobee

silent sage wrote: »

*I should point out that the poem begins with a premise that dreams of losing teeth indicate a fear of growing old. Comments/opinions welcome.




Re-Match



Flickering eyelids dream loosely hanging white teeth,
Too young to have these visions,
Crystelline remembrance of what was meant to happen,
A staple of laboured thoughts, frozen to form indented bordering cracks,

Holding responsible, a friend I'll see regardless,
Holding witness, a complete foreign audience,
This penetrating niggling defect,
Refusing to accept a society of oneself,

Passing an ambition, at a different rate for a silent observer,
To play broadly with an enemy I know dear,

Widespread arms to welcome, chin to the sky,
The domain of the speculative brought a timely intervention,

Ever, overcoming all,
I'm holding grudges with tomorrow

Flickering eyelids dream loosely hanging white teeth,

QUOTE i cannot associate flickering eyelids with dream.

Hanging white teeth=duh. Don't give up your day job.

pickarooney

"Don't give up your day job", aside from being an asinine cliché, is not constructive criticism. Please consider this an unofficial warning.

silent sage

Ah, I expected this thread to die once it left page one. No worries jobee, this was written (amongst several which I wish I could find) during a crazy (literally) period a few years ago. I rarely write poetry, but thanks for reading. Your comments are noted.

jobee

pickarooney wrote: »

"Don't give up your day job", aside from being an asinine cliché, is not constructive criticism. Please consider this an unofficial warning.

Warning for what--

QUOTE

"i cannot associate flickering eyelids with dream or

Hanging white teeth"


So you can make sense of this, please explain

pickarooney

It is against the forum charter to question moderator decisions on thread. This is to prevent thread-spoiling/derailing and out of respect for the OP. Please use the PM function to discuss any issues with thread moderation.

The Mad Hatter

I thought the meaning of the first line was perfectly clear, though did you mean to say "dream of loosely hanging white teeth?" // Edit: No, I'm very wrong. Blame the tired brain, sorry.

I like the imagery in the poem. It seems to me a little like the kind of poem that tries to hide away in itself. You seem to be using it to express yourself through obscurity.

It may be because I don't "get" it, but I don't see a huge amount of consistency in the poem - it seems to jump through a variety of subjects. For instance, the first two lines of the second stanza sound absolutely wonderful as pure words, and they tie together very well, but they seem less related to the idea of ageing and isolation that seems to be the overall idea.

jobee

Did you have a tired brain when you slagged off and blocked the General Wingate write, I bet his relations will have something to say if they see it.

He died fighting Yhe Japs in Burma.

pickarooney

Seriously, jobee, get over it.

The Mad Hatter

jobee wrote: »

Did you have a tired brain when you slagged off and blocked the General Wingate write, I bet his relations will have something to say if they see it.

He died fighting Yhe Japs in Burma.

I have never in my life slagged off a General.

silent sage

jobee wrote: »

Warning for what--

"i cannot associate flickering eyelids with dream or
Hanging white teeth"
So you can make sense of this, please explain

Rapid eye movement (REM) is synonymous with dreaming, thus causing a flickering/fluttering of the eyelids once in a dream state. I'll admit that it was simplistic imagery, but I thought it was important to begin with this method as opposed to completely alienating a reader from the offset. As I pointed out, the "hanging white teeth" image comes from a theory that these sort of dreams could indicate a fear of growing old.

The Mad Hatter: It seems to me a little like the kind of poem that tries to hide away in itself. You seem to be using it to express yourself through obscurity.

Yes, this is true.

The Mad Hatter: It may be because I don't "get" it, but I don't see a huge amount of consistency in the poem - it seems to jump through a variety of subjects...

...they seem less related to the idea of ageing and isolation that seems to be the overall idea

I will attempt to explain exactly what I was trying to convey after a bit of thought...

silent sage

...since I’ve found time to think about this further, I’ll jot down a few points. I'll say that everything expressed in this poem were my thoughts occurring at that present moment.

So, I hope the bafflement of the first couple of lines has been cleared up. The third line is related to a memory of where I expected to be at this stage (at time of writing) in my existence, which induced a fear that I was getting too old to accomplish the life goals which I had previously set in place. This also relates to the title "Re-Match", as in matching my present situation with my past expectations.
The forth is trying to convey the amount of emotion I presently feel (at time of writing) upon pondering this occurrence; "Frozen" in time, "indented" - depression, "cracks" - insecurity/instability.

The fifth line is holding tomorrow “responsible”, and is referred to as a "friend" because it presents the opportunity for change/growth.
"The complete foreign audience" is meant to be a change of mindset/surroundings/people I was then associated with. The use of "holding" was also used to express the comfort of these thoughts of an improved future.
Next two lines were quite personal and are back to the reasons for all this rumination of present situation, i.e. "defect", "society of oneself" - I developed a form of social phobia and other issues, due to excessive drug use and a variety of other such shenanigans.

So, the next two lines are to indicate my "ambition" to overcome these issues in my own time, and to "play" or be light hearted/jestful about my condition ("enemy I know dear")/concerns for the future.

The next two lines are about my complete surrender to the unknown/future ("domain of the speculative"), welcoming it with my outstretched arms and my chin to the sky. It brought a "timely intervention", or badly needed liberating realization, that this is not my impending doom and that I have the choice to determine my own future self.

The second last line is a statement of my humble discovery that “Ever”/forever/time continues irrespective of me or my own mortality and that ultimately, these fears are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
The final line is self-explanatory and again ties in with the title. Time was my obvious theme throughout, with deeply personal overtones.


I realize that my brief explanation of this poem could be just as obscure and ultimately pretentious as the poem itself, but that’s the way I was at the time. If nobody reads it, I still found it fun to mull over these past thoughts and experiences. If I ever write again, I’m sure it will be in a different style with completely different content.