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Upset over joking?

  • 26-08-2010 10:51pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am in my thirties and have never had a girlfriend due to depression/over-sensitivity/low confidence and self esteem/inexperience

    However some people i know some of whom are friends others i just be in the same company make jokes about me being gay and will refer to me in the feminim eg as the 'sister' or jokingly call me 'bitch' or tell me to 'admit to what i am' This went on for a while and eventually i fell out with some people.After this i got a bad name as someone who couldnt take a joke or wqas over sensitive. In fact one of the people i fell out with was (i heard) going to beat me! Was i wrong to over react?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 479 ✭✭mags16


    Sounds like bullying to me. Is there someone in your company that you can go to to talk about it?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,573 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    It stops being a slagging when they know they're upsetting you. If they were aware of the effect the 'jokes' were causing and went ahead anyway than that is, as mags16 says, bullying, plain and simple.

    There isn't much you can do about friends other than stop being friends with them, but the people you work with could be disciplined for it. You could let them know this and see if they cop on before going further.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 272 ✭✭angelxx


    I am in my thirties and have never had a girlfriend due to depression/over-sensitivity/low confidence and self esteem/inexperience

    However some people i know some of whom are friends others i just be in the same company make jokes about me being gay and will refer to me in the feminim eg as the 'sister' or jokingly call me 'bitch' or tell me to 'admit to what i am' This went on for a while and eventually i fell out with some people.After this i got a bad name as someone who couldnt take a joke or wqas over sensitive. In fact one of the people i fell out with was (i heard) going to beat me! Was i wrong to over react?
    This seems really insensitive and rude of your friends, You should make them aware of how they are behaving. Try not to take it to heart they are just displaying their own immaturity.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 206 ✭✭katie99


    I agree with this is bullying and must not be allowed continue.
    You must ask yourself if you really want to be friends with these people. What do they do for you as friends?
    Why hang out with them?

    Next time any of them pass insensitive remarks about your sexuality tell them what they are saying is slanderous.
    If they persist, ask a libel solicitor to send in of your so called friends a letter and seek damages for defamation.
    That should scare the daylights out of them. Your solicitor could request an apology from each of them to you in person or face the consequences of being sued.

    People think they can say what they like because they deem themselves to be so funny and witty. Yet they don't realise what they are saying can be slanderous (spoken word) or defamatory.

    TBH I would drop the lot and meet other people who will respect you for who you are and not make judgements about your sexuality.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,871 ✭✭✭Karmafaerie


    If you are in your 30's and your "friends" are also, and their recourse to a falling out is to beat you then that speaks volumes on their maturity.
    As has been said here already, joking stops being joking if they know that it effects you this much, and it becomes malicious.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    katie99 wrote: »
    If they persist, ask a libel solicitor to send in of your so called friends a letter and seek damages for defamation.
    That should scare the daylights out of them. Your solicitor could request an apology from each of them to you in person or face the consequences of being sued.

    My reading from the OP is that he wishes the slagging to stop, but not necessarily to end the friendship (am I right about that, OP?).

    Taking legal action along the lines suggested will end the friendship. The OP could achieve the same thing just by not associating with them.

    It's not clear from OP if these are people at his place of work, if they are then there is anti-bullying legislation which requires the employer to deal with it, without OP having to go down the road of legal action. The OP just has to make a formal complaint to his manager.

    If these people are just friends, or friends-of-friends, then employer legislation does not apply.

    But OP, you need to step back from this for a moment: You have identified that you are over-sensitive, you do have esteem issues, apart altogether from this slagging. This is where you need to focus your energies, not on silencing these slack-jawed fools. They may actually think that they are trying to prompt you to stand up for yourself, to deal with your issues.
    I am in my thirties and have never had a girlfriend due to depression/over-sensitivity/low confidence and self esteem/inexperience

    Of course the "joking" upsets you, but at the heart of it there is a real problem, and you've spelled it out here. You need counselling/medical advice to overcome your personal issues. Until you do that you'll find one thing after another to upset you. If you tackle your issues head-on the feeling of empowerment you can get will wipe out the upset you feel from this hurtful slagging.

    Don't start by getting even, start by getting help.

    Then get even.

    Be at peace,

    Z


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