Family Trouble

SuperEllerzzz

I know this isn't the right place to be writing this but there's no topic really for this to go under but bereavement would be closest.

I apologize is advance for the length of this post.

I am just turned 17. My mom and dad split up when I was 8. But didn't divorce until I was 15. I was OK about it because, well, I had 7 years to get used to the idea. So I saw my dad every weekend and him and mum were always civil, until now.

Just over a month ago my dad told me that he was seeing our old babysitter. I was in complete shock! The woman is 20years his junior and this was the woman that looked after me while my mom was at work until I was 14. I've spent most of my life growing to love her like a sister. I felt sick, and I had to be the one to tell my mom, she was DISTRAUGHT.

But we got someway used to the idea, until two weeks later, he then sent my older brother to tell us that he has gotten her pregnant. I haven't spoken to him since. If it had been anyone else I wouldn't care but this is my non biological sister. The woman my mom let into her house to look after her kids, the woman she trusted more then anyone.

We live in a small community and the news has spread like wildfire, I have a constant flow of busy bodies coming up to me questioning me about "my new baby brother/sister" , "my new mom" etc, I can't handle it, one of these busy bodies was the one who told me that now dad and her are engaged. When my mom confronted dad about this he admitted but said it's only because he has to because her father is making him. Mom said she's never seen dad so shook or old looking. He wants out but cant.

Ive to be the brave one for me and my mom because she cannot get over it. I don't know what to do.! I'm always crying when I'm at home and that's doing nobody any good.

Please, any advice appreciated

Ickle Magoo

Hey SuperEllerzzz,

Obviously the bereavement forum should only be used for posts concerning a bereavement - I've moved your post to personal issues.

Thanks

Ickle

SuperEllerzzz

Thanks Ickle, I didn't even see that fourm

Beruthiel

SuperEllerzzz wrote: »

IJust over a month ago my dad told me that he was seeing our old babysitter. I was in complete shock! The woman is 20years his junior and this was the woman that looked after me while my mom was at work until I was 14. I've spent most of my life growing to love her like a sister. I felt sick, and I had to be the one to tell my mom, she was DISTRAUGHT.

Can I clarify something, has he always been having an affair with her, or have they just started seeing each other recently?
To me, there is a big difference between the two.

SuperEllerzzz

He says he only started seeing her with the last year.
But I think it's been longer...
As I said I havent spoken to him in over a month so I can't know for sure

Zen65

SuperEllerzzz wrote: »

Ive to be the brave one for me and my mom because she cannot get over it. I don't know what to do.! I'm always crying when I'm at home and that's doing nobody any good.

She can get over it, and she will get over it. The nature of their relationship means that this is very hard for her, but if she is a mature person she will get on with things just as she did when they first separated.

I'm afraid that your father has really let you down. It sounds like he knows this already, even if the truth has hit him too late.

You may need help with this. For you there is a feeling of double-betrayal, because this close friend has also betrayed your confidence. In time you may come to see her story in another way, but right now I think you should see a GP to get help in the form of counselling.

Both you and your mother may feel that the "town talk" issue makes it harder to get over your experience. You should know that most people who hear your story will have only sympathy for you, and would wish you the very best, and would wish to support you. Don't think of your situation as "scandal" because it's not.


Be at peace,

Z

SuperEllerzzz

Thank you.
But see the thing is I cant bring myself to tell people. I'm afraid my friends will think less of me and just think I'm weird because my father made a stupid mistake.
But what really gets me is that when I had a BF this time last year he rambled on and on for hours about safe sex and getting me the pill etc, I mean, "Practice What you Preach" much -.-
So if i cant bring myself to tell my friends how can I tell the doctor Ive never been one to talk about anything ever, I help others with problems not the other way around. And I can always put on a brave face but now, I don't know what to do. It's fine to say it all here because none of ye know me from Adam.

Zen65

SuperEllerzzz wrote: »

I'm afraid my friends will think less of me and just think I'm weird because my father made a stupid mistake.

Would you think less of one of your friends if they were in the same predicament?

Z

SuperEllerzzz

No but like, I just can't bring myself to tell them

Zen65

SuperEllerzzz wrote: »

I'm afraid my friends will think less of me and just think I'm weird because my father made a stupid mistake.

Zen65 wrote: »

Would you think less of one of your friends if they were in the same predicament?

SuperEllerzzz wrote: »

No but like, I just can't bring myself to tell them

Okay, so you know that there's no logical reason not to tell your friends, and in truth you need their support. So tell them. Don''t pretend there is a reason not to tell them. Once it's out there the fear of telling is gone forever, and you can start to vent your hurt. It seems to me that venting is what you need right now, and BOARDS cannot provide the right context for that.

Stop making excuses; this is not about your mother, it's not about what your friends might think, it's about giving you the licence to vent your anger over this.

Vent, you need it.

Then you can really start to get over this situation, move on and enjoy a normal life.

You're a smart person. You will understand & rationalise all of this in time.


Be at peace,

Z