What's going on

LegacyUser

I have been seeing this guy for the last 2 months we met at a party and instantly hit it off, we seemed to really like each other.

The thing is we meet about once a week now usually during the week but it nearly always seems to be at home to watch a dvd or something.
He would suggest calling to mine or ask me to call to his, its very rarely we would go out to cinema or for drinks.
Now we have slept together a few times but the last two times he called we didn’t, my choice as I don’t want this to be just casual meetings for sex.

This thing is Im happy to sit in and watch DVDs and have a few drinks but I'm wondering why he doesn’t suggest going out.

As I said I don’t want this to be just casual meeting for one reason only is there a way to approach the subject ? ?

He has said he likes me and doesn’t want ot just meet for sex as he wants us to get to know each other…… what's going on then!!!!

Any suggestions ? ? ?

Squiggler

Is it possible that he has financial constraints, going out can end up costing a lot of money.

But, he has said that he wants to get to know you, and declining to have sex with him hasn't stopped the dates, so why not take him at his word?

"Going out" and "getting to know each other" can be a bit mutually exclusive. Pubs and restaurants tend to be loud so it is difficult to carry on a conversation and talking in theatres or cinemas is usually frowned on. Nobody will hiss at you for talking during a DVD in your living room!

S23

My first thought was 'maybe he's skint'. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe have a chat with him about it since it's an issue for you. As said above a night in alone in each others company is a better way of getting to know each other.

Put it this way, you might see a post on here saying the opposite
'oh this new fella I'm seeing only ever wants to go out to a pub or club then go home and have sex after and he never wants to just spend time alone with me for a night in. What should I do?'

Simplest way to work out whats going on is to talk to him about it. If you'd like a night out once in a while I'm sure something can be worked out even if he is strapped for cash somewhat

LegacyUser

Squiggler wrote: »

Is it possible that he has financial constraints, going out can end up costing a lot of money.

But, he has said that he wants to get to know you, and declining to have sex with him hasn't stopped the dates, so why not take him at his word?

"Going out" and "getting to know each other" can be a bit mutually exclusive. Pubs and restaurants tend to be loud so it is difficult to carry on a conversation and talking in theatres or cinemas is usually frowned on. Nobody will hiss at you for talking during a DVD in your living room!

Thanks very much for your reply,

Yes money could be an option and I suppose with working long hours and weekends its just as easy pop over for a few hours instead of going out as we both are usually tired.

As I said I am happy to sit in it doesnt bother me but Im just worried that he isnt too bother about going out with me or even meeting me out, he does go out with his friends a bit I could easily meet up withhim for a while but never invited, sayin that they are usually work or sports nights out.

He does seem very keen maybe i should take him at his word like you said, its just my friend think its about time we went out more and im starting to have doubts.

LegacyUser

S23 wrote: »

My first thought was 'maybe he's skint'. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe have a chat with him about it since it's an issue for you. As said above a night in alone in each others company is a better way of getting to know each other.

Put it this way, you might see a post on here saying the opposite
'oh this new fella I'm seeing only ever wants to go out to a pub or club then go home and have sex after and he never wants to just spend time alone with me for a night in. What should I do?'

Simplest way to work out whats going on is to talk to him about it. If you'd like a night out once in a while I'm sure something can be worked out even if he is strapped for cash somewhat

Ya i think he might be skint myself now they you mention it, Im not too worried about it , well i wasnt but my friends are saying we should be going out and so on, where as i am happy to sit in.

I would like to talk about it but I dont know how to bring it up, just maybe say something lightly in passing but I never find the words.

Squiggler

Who's dating this guy, you, or your friends? They probably mean well, but don't listen to them and don't allow them to cause distrust this early in a relationship. Sounds like you might need to ask them what their problem is. I have one friend who was always like that, because she is nosy and didn't like that she hadn't met, and had the opportunity to comment on and critique, my date. :P

Relax and enjoy, don't do anything you're not comfortable with, and if there is a film coming out that you'd both like maybe suggest that you go to see it together, or suggest going for a walk or a picnic in the park at the weekend.

Good luck

hippy_hi

Maybe he hasn't had many previous grilfriends and is unaware of other options...walk along a beach with a chip on the way home, early bird menu somewhere, bowling, snooker game etc.

So maybe you should just broach the subject giving him more options and also try to think of free or very little money options just incase there are financial restraints that he may be worried or embarressed about.

whatsamsn

to sum it up :P

you just need to talk to him
he probably doesnt realise or think a relationship needs spice... needs exciting new things not just the same dates.


make him aware

mood

Have you meet his friends?

LegacyUser

Ya id like to mention something to him but I always find it difficult to bring stuff up (childish i know)

No havent really met his friends, we do have a few friends in common and they all know we are seeing each other and it must be because he told them as i havent said a word.

mood

I think it is very unusual to not socialise together in the early stages of a relationship. If you have friends in common why would you two never go out with them! It's a situation I certainly wouldn't be happy with.

LegacyUser

Well not soicalising with the freinds we hav in common isnt an issue because they are all in relationships/married and dont go out much anyway,

But I do agree with you Mood, it is a bit strange I think im gonna just call it a day now because I cant see this going anywhere.

Im not high maintenance I dont expect to be taken out to clubs and restaurants every week just maybe to the cinema or pub ever now and then

He has mentioned about meeting my friends so Il give it untill the weekend Im going out with them Il invite him out and if he seems uninterested Il just call it quits i think