What's happening???

Talanta

Hi All, hope this post doesn't turn out too long. Just looking for some advice as I'm very confused about the way my life has changed in the past few days.
Firstly I'm a girl, 22, and my now ex boyfriend is 24. We've been together for the last three years and only broke up a few days ago. It wasn't like some teenage romance or a casual relationship it's been very serious. We use to see each other every other day during the week as I live in the city during the week and he lives at home. I go home every weekend and generally we spend the whole weekend together. He's treated like one of my family and he could never do enough for me. This time last week I was actually away on holiday with him and his famil, which I considered a pretty big thing, and I get back and without any warning he does this.
It's not as if we fell out or anything on holiday, I had a great time and became really comfortable with his family. The day before the break up he was actually up with my family for dinner and he even brought me back to to my house that night, stayed over, made me breakfast the next morning, kissed me goodbye, told me he loved me all through the day up until about ten minutes before he did it! Then he started crying and telling me it's the right thing and that he will always love me and I had to close the door in his face because he kept coming back kissing me and hugging me.
Now, he is going to Oz for a year pretty soon. Again, all his decision. After three years I would have thought it would be a discussion more than just being told he was leaving. I agreed that we could do it for a year but now even that isn't enough. Maybe I'm wrong, but in the first place I would have thought the other side of the world would be more of a last resort for employment, not a first choice?
Then he said it's not just Oz. It's the fact that after three years I think he's the one for me and he doesn't feel the same. He's not saying I'm not, he just doesn't know and he doesn't know when he'll know or if he ever will.
To top it off he called me last night, as if it's still ok to just do that! He still hasn't even told anyone and just wanted to see if I was ok. I ended up flipping at him just because he sounded so indifferent, as if he wasn't even missing me!
I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice or any thoughts? Sorry for the essay this ended up being!

Talanta

Anyone?

MacAva

As hard as it is, you have to let him go... I was in this situation myself.
This is your first serious relationship. So many people cant face the idea of being with ONE person for their whole life. Personally I feel if its right, its right. Dont fix wat isnt broken. But... I think everything happens for a reason and if its meant to be ull be together again. But I would highly recommend time apart. You clearly need time to yourself. Do you ever see your friends. Its just not healthy to see your OH 7 days a week. Take some time out to think about things. Ull be surprised how different things seem from that perspective. Go out and enjoy yourself. U dont want to look back and regret.

LegacyUser

OP, it's going to sound like a terrible cliche but the two of you are still very young. Thousands of young Irish people decide these days that the be all and end all of everything is to "go travelling". I know loads of people who've broken off relationships, left good jobs, etc. just to go on a bender around Australia for 12 months, come back broke and depressed and take 2-3 years to get used to mundane life in Ireland. Your ex obviously feels like this is something he has to do while he is young and doesn't have the responsibilities that he may have later in life. In all honesty, it's by far the better decision to break up and then see where you are in a year when he gets back. Much as it may hurt now, it would be worse to be in limbo for an entire year, wondering what he's up to, if he's kissed someone else, etc, etc.

For what it's worth, my wife still sometimes regrets that she never did get to go to Aus or New Zealand, we're married with kids now so it'll be on the back burner for at least 20 years. Maybe your boyf will get it out of his system, come back when he's 25 and be prepared to commit for fully to you. You're only 22, there's a lot of fun to be had with friends, parties, festivals and enjoyment of the care-free single life for at least the next year. Enjoy it.

Talanta

Thanks for the replies.

Yes I see my friends all the time, I live with two of my best friends and I have a very close knit group of friends at work that I've been close to for the past 2-3 years. I also have 1/2 friends from home that I'm still in contact with. It has made me realise how lucky I am to have such a support system around me, my friends and family have been amazing!

I know that I am still pretty young, and I do want to do other things but I always thought that in a relationship like we were things that are that big should be a joint decision. To be honest I'm starting to wonder if he was even ready to be in a serious relationship, he doesn't seem to know what he wants from life at all. And maybe it sounds a bit harsh but I think if he doesn't know his own mind now at almost 25 years of age it's pretty sad.

It was more the shock of the break up that got to me than anything else. We had plans for this weekend and stuff and up to ten minutes before it happened I had no indication anything was even wrong. I have asked him not to contact me again, he seemed to think we were just going to be friends again straight away, and I've packed all his stuff away.