Sistas before Misters?

Obey

I was at a party recently and a guy that Ive known for a while, but dont see regularly was flirting with me and making it obvious that he wanted to get me alone, away from the rest of the group.

I've known him for years and always thought he was a lovely guy but never thought anything more because nether of us were ever single at the same time.

We'd only happen to bump into each other a couple of times a year but we get on brilliantly, as if we've been close for years, we're just sensationally comfortable around each other, total personality match, its great.

He's also hot, cute, sweet, social and to top it all off mad about me!

So here comes the hard part... my friends putting a downer on it for me. She revealed on the night in question that he and her used to randomly snog on nights out while he was taken, a good years ago. I never heard this before but seemingly its true. (She told me this when she realised there were sparks between us.)
She told me she still likes him but only thinks of him when she's around him. She came out and told me that I could kiss him/whatever if I wanted but if I did it would really hurt her. She said it wouldn't ruin our friendship but she'd need a couple of weeks or so to get her head around it.
I assured her I hadn't planned on making out with him that night, but also thinking to myself, that if it happened make sure not to tell her.

We did have a lovely (secret) kiss though, lots of lovely kissing and I'm smitten, except I dunno what to do about my mate.

I did point out to her that he wasn't hers to have an opinion about. I told her it didn't seem fair her handing me this ultimatum/emotionally blackmailing me and she just told me she was just being honest. If it was her ex or she thought about him all the time I'd think differently.

He has told me and her straight out (separately when she approached him/threw herself at him that night) that he has no interest whatsoever in my mate.

As she was harassing him decided to leave, she then tried to leave with him, telling him she'd get him home safely. I felt this was a step too far and really annoyed me, she could see as everyone could that he was into me and she just had to throw herself at him one more time.

So I'm irritated with her putting me in this awkward position, I dont want to do about her.

Bare in mind were both aged mid-late twenties!
Thanks in advance!

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to RI.

ArerA

She sounds immature, tbh. I mean, I could understand her reasoning if she had been actually dating him, but from what you've said, she was just meeting him.

If she truely is your friend, she will want you to be happy, and if you think this guy can make you happy, I say go for it.

Obey

ArerA wrote: »

She sounds immature, tbh. I mean, I could understand her reasoning if she had been actually dating him, but from what you've said, she was just meeting him.

If she truely is your friend, she will want you to be happy, and if you think this guy can make you happy, I say go for it.

Thanks!

I did say to her would she not be happy if two of her friends were happy together and she said she would after a couple of weeks! She's ignoring me now at the moment

I havent told her that we kissed or anything, it does seem very promising with him and I think we could go far. I think I should probably tell her before she finds out from someone else, as she's my friend but on the other hand I dont feel as though I should have to feel guilty and explain myself to her.

I just dont know what words to use to be honest

Wagon

I agree that mates feelings should be taken into consideration. I liked a girl who went out with my mate in the past and i cleared it with him to make sure he was comfortable with it. No problem at all he said. Nothing happened but it was good to at least consider his own feelings.

On the other hand, a girl i lied started going out with my mate years ago. I fancied the hole off her (she nor him didn't know) but they clearly liked each other so I moved on eventually.

BUT in your case, things are different. She only thought about him when he was around. She clealy didn't like him enough ot make a real effort. He also made it clear he doesn't like her. So what she can gain from this is a mystery to me.

Go for it. Your mate needs to grow up a little here and realise that you can't place ownership on a person. She might stop talking to you but I wouldn't worry, she doesn't sound like a good mate and might just want to keep you single like her so she doesn't feel left out. She'll end up sitting on the steps at a party, 35, single and drinking a gin tonic telling everyone "THIS SONG IS ABOUT ME!"

Tucking Fypo

You both have 'the spark' between you, she doesn't. In fact, he mustn't think much of her at all if all she was, was the quick shift in the disco when his GF wasn't around. Hope he has learned to stop kissing other girls though when he is in a relationship.:o

Best of luck with it.

Cheap Thrills!

Mating and Dating are about the survival of the fittest. He has no interest in her and she's only sticking her oar in now to be awkward. Sore loser.

Totally ignore her childish Dog-In-The-Manger carry on and stop pandering to her.

She's bang out of order. Don't censor yourself for her. She said she's get over it in a couple of weeks so take her at her word.

WindSock

Your mate needs to get over him and move on, there was nothing between them just a few kisses and now she wants to stand in the way of your happiness, seems like she is a bit selfish to me in the 'if I can't have him then you can't' sense. If you like him, go for it, I say. What if you fall out with your mate in a couple of years time anyway, then you will not have known what could have been, for nothing.