can a guy change?

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

This has probably been asked 100's of times but I really want a guys opinion.

ok so some background info!

Got into a relationship very young...had a child very young, bought a house got married etc. we were best friends/did everything together

Fast forward about 7 yrs, drifted a little but I didn't know how much he started a full on emotional affair with a younger woman (also married) txting CONSTANTLY, i luv you, can't live without you etc, I found out, fell apart after numerous times of us saying we would break up then he was sorry we tried again but more texts I left. Now 7months on he is back saying how sorry heis and that he has been a fool. Will do anything if I try again. Says when he looks back it was like another person and henow for the 1st time see's it clearly and is devestated he ever behaved that way. He seems genuine, so so much more than the half ar*ed attempts to make a go of it before i moved away. He says so much time alone has given him time to take stock and he can't believe what he put me through and would luv a chance to prove it's only me.

I know only I can make the decision but was wondering what guys (and gals) think of this? H e knows im terrified that when real life kicks in he will go back to this person for attention but he assures me this will never happen.

Thanks in advance guys x

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

Ickle Magoo

If you think you can forgive and that every text and phone call isn't going to eat away at you and cause insecurities and trust issues then I think you should insist you go to some kind of marital counselling before contemplating getting back together.

I think you need to find out exactly what went wrong the first time to avoid it happening again and all feelings of hurt, resentment and anger have to be acknowledged and dealt with before you can move on.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Thanks ickle magoo

I think we got stuck in a rut. I got lazy/moody he was shown attention elsewhere and lapped it up.

The problem I now have is he would still see this person and at the moment there is no way around that.

Ickle Magoo

I think the only way around it is if you no longer think there is a risk anything would happen - and the only way that is going to happen is if yourself and your partner are completely transparent about what went on and what goes on.

LegacyUser

ye i know youre right ickle magoo

and thank you sun flower, good to hear someone is doing well 2nd time around.

Do you all think if someone persued this type of attention when the going got tough are they likely to do it again when real life sets in or can they learn from mistakes.

sorry I know I sound unhinged but it's good to hear other peoples opinions

LegacyUser

In fairness to him he seemed heart broken and said his eyes have been opened to what he lost and he would never ever risk that again.

I guess it comes down to whether I can trust/move on

this is made harder by the face I know he will still see this person