Everyone's in such a hurry!

LegacyUser

I'm a quiet, thoughtful, contemplative kind of guy. I don't want to join clubs, play sports, go down the pub, get involved in loads of things. My idea of a happy evening is an evening spent doing absolutely nothing other than go for a nice, long, two hour stroll, followed by a meal. My diary is entirely empty, I have no engagements, no parties, no membership of anything, no commitments, absolutely nothing. And that's just how I like it!

Talking to people though, I am always left feeling somehow inadequate, that if I am not involved in a hundred different things, there must be something wrong with me. I am not lazy, I work hard, I just like my 'me' time to be completely free from obligations, so I can choose to do at a moment's notice whatever takes my fancy. As soon as I 'have' to do something, I immediately stop wanting to do it!

I'd love to meet a nice, quiet girl who likes a simple life like me, who is happy just in the company of a significant other, without needing to be rushing off doing this and that and the other, living life to an action packed social diary. I find it hard to meet girls like that, everyone seems to be in a hurry, everyone has loads of friends, everyone is rushing out on a Saturday night, nobody seems to want to just sit home and relax. Like I mentioned earlier, sometimes I get the feeling others think I am inadequate because I am not living a busy life.

Where can I meet a nice quiet girl who might like a quiet, reliable guy like me? Who just likes to ramble when the weather is nice, and sit in when it's not? I'm not anti-social, I just prefer the quiet life.

darad

The library?

Theres someone out there for everyone, so they say, you just havent met her yet

LegacyUser

hmm op while i'm not judging you, i myself like a lot of 'me' time...you do realise the irony of your post....no?

here can I meet a nice quiet girl who might like a quiet, reliable guy like me? Who just likes to ramble when the weather is nice, and sit in when it's not? I'm not anti-social, I just prefer the quiet life.

everyone is rushing out on a Saturday night, nobody seems to want to just sit home and relax

how on earth can you meet a nice girl, if you never socialise with other people? Shes not gona just magically appear in your life op, unfortunately its not that easy...you have to make an effort i'm afraid...

krudler

Its about balance imo, nothing wrong with wanting "me time" at all, some weeks I just fall off the radar with my mates and just hang around, play games, read books, watch movies myself etc. other times I enjoy catching up people and heading out, I wouldnt want too much of the other though. I agree with not wanting to do something when you "have" to do it, some nights I'm sitting at home texting around to see if anyone fancies a pint on short notice, other times I'm trying to figure out who to get out of a birthday party or some big night out that I'm not too pushed about. swings and roundabouts.

dolphin city

completely understand where you are coming from - however if you want to meet a nice girl, then you are going to have to make an effort to get out at least sometimes, or join something - she is not going to fall into your lap.

Join something that you will enjoy - hillwalking, swimming, - things you can do "on your own" but with a group - you might get lucky.

I think there are LOTS of people like you that love their own company and can go for weeks without seeing friends or going out - the thing is tho, is that you still need friends for when you do want to go out, so don't isolate yourself altogether - I think the older you get the more you enjoy the "me" time.

pimbeche

Hi OP. Wow I didnt think guys like that existed!

Im in the exact same situation. People dont understand that what I enjoy is being in my home , and having a relaxing time pottering around, instead of going out all the time getting hammered in bars.

Its gotten to the point where I sometimes invent social occasions I'm attending because then I dont get lectured about how i should get out more.

People here replying to your post seem to be saying that you wont meet anyone, if you dont go out and socialise, but tbh, who are you gonna meet in a dingy nightclub at 2am ? I dont agree with that.

I think you will meet someone with your interests, but it will probably be through friends ,or something casual like that - which is a good way to meet new people

Sleepy

Have you tried internet dating OP?

Put up a profile outlining what you've said in your OP and start searching the site for women with similar interests.

dsmythy

I don't know if this is against the charter or what but it seems there's two people in this thread wanting the same thing. I'm just saying....

anniehoo

dsmythy wrote: »

I don't know if this is against the charter or what but it seems there's two people in this thread wanting the same thing. I'm just saying....

Interesting....

LegacyUser

People here replying to your post seem to be saying that you wont meet anyone, if you dont go out and socialise, but tbh, who are you gonna meet in a dingy nightclub at 2am ? I dont agree with that.

no one says he has to go out to a club or pub or even anywhere with alcohol involved... "socialising" does not equal "going to a pub/club"....there are loads of other options sports/hobbies/ etc

I think you will meet someone with your interests, but it will probably be through friends, or something casual like that - which is a good way to meet new people

ehhh but isn't that the point?!, he doesnt go anywhere with his friends, or part take in any of his interests with other people. I agree with you - meeting people through friends/ hobbies is a great way of finding someone, but hes not going to find anyone if he spends all his time alone now is he? catch 22. If you want something sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, thus is life.

pimbeche

mmirony - Yes socialising doesnt have to be a pub/club , but taking a few pottery classes aint gonna do the job either - thats all I meant.

loveisdivine

I am the cery same kind of person, and thankfully my OH is relatively the same too. Granted he will enjoy a night out more than I do but he still prefers to be at home.

Yes its easier to meet people if your out and about doing stuff, but even if youre not, it will happen eventually.

I hardly ever used to go out on the town etc and then one day on a whim I agreed to go for a weekend in Paris to see a band I really like with some people I met on the bands forum. We didnt know each other that well but we all thought why not?
I met my OH half there and then kept in touch through the forum. I have now moved here to Dublin from England, live with him and have a job here.

So it just goes to show you dont have to be out in the town every weekend. Just occasionally push the boat out!

strokemyclover

I know how you feel OP. Be happy in yourself is all you can do and let the rest take care of itself. You will meet someone eventually and online dating can't do any harm.

Abi

Slowboattochina wrote: »

I'm a quiet, thoughtful, contemplative kind of guy. I don't want to join clubs, play sports, go down the pub, get involved in loads of things. My idea of a happy evening is an evening spent doing absolutely nothing other than go for a nice, long, two hour stroll, followed by a meal. My diary is entirely empty, I have no engagements, no parties, no membership of anything, no commitments, absolutely nothing. And that's just how I like it!

Talking to people though, I am always left feeling somehow inadequate, that if I am not involved in a hundred different things, there must be something wrong with me. I am not lazy, I work hard, I just like my 'me' time to be completely free from obligations, so I can choose to do at a moment's notice whatever takes my fancy. As soon as I 'have' to do something, I immediately stop wanting to do it!

I'd love to meet a nice, quiet girl who likes a simple life like me, who is happy just in the company of a significant other, without needing to be rushing off doing this and that and the other, living life to an action packed social diary. I find it hard to meet girls like that, everyone seems to be in a hurry, everyone has loads of friends, everyone is rushing out on a Saturday night, nobody seems to want to just sit home and relax. Like I mentioned earlier, sometimes I get the feeling others think I am inadequate because I am not living a busy life.

Where can I meet a nice quiet girl who might like a quiet, reliable guy like me? Who just likes to ramble when the weather is nice, and sit in when it's not? I'm not anti-social, I just prefer the quiet life.

I think I'm a lot like you. Though I will go to the pub with friends, not a whole heap of people - just some close friends. The exception to the rule would be the boards beers.

Other than that, I quite enjoy my own company. I hate a lot of fuss, and like to do things without having a schedule or someone to answer to. I spent a couple of hours walking barefoot on a quiet beach near me today, then sat down with a book, couldn't be happier. you're entitled to live your life the way you wish. But if you want to meet someone, you're going to have to make a little comprimise somewhere. As someone mentioned earlier, the library might be a good idea. Why not take a relaxing class in something? The libraries always have these advertisements pinned to the notice boards, and the local secondary schools run evening classes for adults.

Best of luck (:

LegacyUser

dsmythy wrote: »

I don't know if this is against the charter or what but it seems there's two people in this thread wanting the same thing. I'm just saying....

I resent this post. I came on here in good faith, I don't need this.

Anyway, some here are making the erroneous assumption that I sit at home and cannot meet anyone. I should have made it plain in my first post, I meet lots of women. All kinds of women. Particularly through work. Lovely people mostly, but they all share one thing. They are all busy people, lives full of fun and activity, telling me all about the interests they have, the things they get up to, their hectic social lives. And I listen intently, and engage with them. But I wouldn't want to have to try to keep up with them, and they would very quickly lose interest in me, as compared to them, I would appear to be someone who does nothing. And that's not true, I have my own interests and activities, but generally on a very low key level, and I like to take things easy, stop and think about the world and my place in it, and generally just savour the moment.

I have considered internet dating, and met people online too, but the very same thing happens. I find loads of profiles of people, and they fill their profiles full of the active lives they lead, and the dating sites positively demand that you add as many interests as possible, or you are somehow going to be a failure. Bungee jumping, skydiving, river rafting, watersports, football, rugby, pubbing, clubbing, it's all there. Words like achievement, successful, career, all smack of people in a hurry, doubtless very nice people I am sure, but people who don't understand the simple pleasures of sitting in quietly. For all the people I meet, both online and in real life, the quiet ones like me seem to be in hiding. It is the extroverts who are 'out there.' But I'm searching for the introverts. And I can't find them.

Zen65

Slowboattochina wrote: »

For all the people I meet, both online and in real life, the quiet ones like me seem to be in hiding. It is the extroverts who are 'out there.' But I'm searching for the introverts. And I can't find them.

You cannot find them because they are doing what you do.... they are contemplating their universe, their place in it, and doing so in private.

Find a focus group for your interests, and you may meet people of similar mind to yourself. Join a philosophy class, an arts appreciation class, or anything which brings people of similar interest together. Short of an unusual circumstance (e.g. being held hostage on the same plane, being stuck in a lift, etc) you will not find your "soul mate" (I hate that expression) if you continue as you are.

You mention that you meet a lot of women, but where is this happening?

Cheers,

Z

Des Carter

Slowboattochina wrote: »

the quiet ones like me seem to be in hiding. It is the extroverts who are 'out there.' But I'm searching for the introverts. And I can't find them.

I couldnt agree with this more. Im an introverted guy, similiar to the Op and it is extremely hard to find a potential girl/boyfriend with similiar interests outside the friends of friends approach (which I have tried and failed at). I dont drink and dont like the club scene (especially in terms of meeting women) as this consists of getting as hammered as possible and hooking up with the first girl that looks at you. I mean you cant go up to a girl in a pub/club and say "hey id really like to get to get to know you". Instead

Although it is clear that many people want random hook-up system Im sick of it. I hate how this one night stand approach is shoved down our throats and that if you dont act accordingly your looked down upon as abnormal or inferior I mean there very few place where you can meet possible partners without the heavy influence of alcohaul which is a shame.

Of course I am generalising here but you get my point.

LegacyUser

Don't be resentful regarding the post about trying to connect on here: someone is just trying to be helpful to your situation.

I understand what you're saying because I detest shopping, clubbing, traveling and all the things people tend to be doing with every minute in their day. It is hard for people to understand why I don't want to do those things when I'm personable and good company. The truth is I just find it stressful and not worth the money and time expenditure.

My OH is very active and we met via online dating. He is so active it causes me to break out in hives if I think about it so I don't. He accepts that getting me out once a month is the height of it but then he gets a lot of great meals made for him and, er, other fun indoor things. We all have to make trade-offs when it comes to having relationships with other people and live with them. We like each other enough we continue to do this but we both had to take the leap of putting ourselves out there, which can be difficult but it has potential for great rewards. Interestingly enough himself is very shy despite being so active and I'm considered outgoing even though I detest athletic, social and other organised activities so I think what might really be at the heart of your problem is just trying to meet someone you want to keep seeing. This is difficult enough for most people but if you're not one who likes to go out that does make it more complicated, so do try the online dating and check out people you might not normally, especially if they have one commonality that is very important to you.

Best of luck in your search!

Slowboattochina wrote: »

I resent this post. I came on here in good faith, I don't need this.

Anyway, some here are making the erroneous assumption that I sit at home and cannot meet anyone. I should have made it plain in my first post, I meet lots of women. All kinds of women. Particularly through work. Lovely people mostly, but they all share one thing. They are all busy people, lives full of fun and activity, telling me all about the interests they have, the things they get up to, their hectic social lives. And I listen intently, and engage with them. But I wouldn't want to have to try to keep up with them, and they would very quickly lose interest in me, as compared to them, I would appear to be someone who does nothing. And that's not true, I have my own interests and activities, but generally on a very low key level, and I like to take things easy, stop and think about the world and my place in it, and generally just savour the moment.

I have considered internet dating, and met people online too, but the very same thing happens. I find loads of profiles of people, and they fill their profiles full of the active lives they lead, and the dating sites positively demand that you add as many interests as possible, or you are somehow going to be a failure. Bungee jumping, skydiving, river rafting, watersports, football, rugby, pubbing, clubbing, it's all there. Words like achievement, successful, career, all smack of people in a hurry, doubtless very nice people I am sure, but people who don't understand the simple pleasures of sitting in quietly. For all the people I meet, both online and in real life, the quiet ones like me seem to be in hiding. It is the extroverts who are 'out there.' But I'm searching for the introverts. And I can't find them.

Ickle Magoo

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Ickle